Video Interview @ Nokia World
0 Comments Published by Prashant Singh on Monday, February 06, 2012 at 8:55 AM.
I attended Nokia World 2011 last year . It was good fun and a lot of learning .This video below is from the interview i gave to Nokia Dev relationship Crew.
Accepting you for What you are
0 Comments Published by Prashant Singh on Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 2:15 AM.
We grew up on stories about fight of Good Vs Evil. There is a good guy , there is a bad guy ,somewhere in the story they collide ,Good Guy fights the bad guy and good guy always win. Right ? I guess so . For the most part we tend to base our code of conduct from these folklores . Problem with these stories are that BAD guys in these story always know that they are BAD. From Captain Hook in Peter Pan to Joker in BatMan ,From Dragon who Gaurd the Princess in Mario to Agent Smith In Matrix Trilogy.All those SATAN worshiper , Saber toothed evil souls with a Dark cloak floating behined them were convinced of their evilness and they were proud of it . In every case distinction bitween Good and evil was presented to us by narrator. Ergo .. Good guy's Job was very simple .He was never in two mind about what he is supposed to do . He is supposed to Kill them. Most of them killed the bad guy on their own but some of them took help from Bunch of Monkeys living in hills . But they killed them anyway .
Real life is little more complicated than that . Often time its hard to decide what is Wrong and what is Right. Often time people doing wrong are not doing it intentionally . they genuinly belive that their actions are justfied . Your selfish relatives, your cheating friends , your mean neighbors, Person who belive that Women are not equal to men , Person who think that people who are not from IIT-IIM are not cut out to be CEO, Person peeing on street and spitting on pavement , who Jumped the Red Light and nearly killed you in process , the person who speak rudely to you in office without provocation, the girl who blame every thing on Gender bias of society, Spouse who exploit emotional dependecy of their partner, Boss Who Steal you ideas.List is endless . But if you examine their action in their shoes and look at their thought process you will see they have very rationale explanation for what they do . They have been shaped by their environment in to becoming who they are . Often time that make some of us forgive them or put up with their abuse . We think " HE is like that only and HE can't change " . Most of the time thats a Good way to look at the problem. For changing someone's thought process is a Herculean enterprise and since One got to pick his battle very carefully so most of us often Avoid or Ignore such trespassing in public , professional or political context . But what about such conduct in other sphere of life .
Unspoken truth is that this tendency often hurts us most in our personal Life . What to do if this transgression is being done by your best friend who take you for granted, by your wife who is rude , by your boy friend who is not sesitive enough.somewhere you know that they know that they are wrong and they are taking undue advantage of you but you want them to realize that on their own . But its not working out.. you have waited for long and you are wondering that at what point you should stop discounting their ignorance and say " Intentionally or unintentionally You ARE Hurting Me and this is not acceptable to me " . Most of us say it too late and most of us regret saying it .
Putting your foot down is essentially like renegotiating the power balance in a relationship . Most of people won't gonna enjoy this . They are in habbit of dealing with you in a certain manner , new equations alter that. it breaks their habbit . Older the habbit, bigger the inertia and resistance and More the Transition pain. I have gone through this drill several time in life . its ugly . But when you are in the middle of that Transition you are sure to get one response with unfailing consistency. At some point , other party will say " I am like this only .Accept me for what I am " . This is a VERY potent argument for the simple reason that it generate a conflict within us . Since we love these people ( that's why we are negotiating and not walking away from deal altogether ) and they are asking us to respect their Individuality ( and Deep down you are asking for the same . Respect for you as an Individual ) Most of us fall for this . And are often stuck in a sub optimal life . In our time demanding "Accept me for what I am " has became something like a carte Blanche for irrationality and whimsical nature. God Forbid if other party has read Steve Jobs Biography . They will think its the price you have to pay to be in company of Genius. These people make me puke , seriously, the whole god forsaken bunch of them .
Let put his in Black and White . Your ignorance is not an alibi for the damage you do to people . Not being able to see other person's view point is fine but Not being willing to see it is EVIL . Periodic self examination is a necessary condition for being Good . anyone who refuse to do that is one step short of being evil .
So what you do when some idiot throw this on you. "Accept me for what I am " . Before You Accept other person ( and pay the price ) Look inside and Ask yourself " Who You Are and Does that person Respect that " " What You Wanna to be ? Does this person think you can ? Will this person wants you to get there or [more importantly ] will he be an obstacle in reaching there? " , " Do you Admire them for their qualities or You are afraid of Lonesomeness & uncertainty ensuing if you part ways" . HONEST answers to these question will help you clear your head . once you have done that "Don't ask for Apology or Hope of reform .Remind your self that your Happiness is as important as him and Tell him to FUCK OFF" . Trust Me You Won't Regret it .
I will be doing it more often in 2012 . Thats my ( one of many ) Resolution for the year.
Pic Credit : Hugh from Gapingvoid.
Labels: 2012 resolution, acceptance, notes to self, reflection
Once Upon A Time in October
6 Comments Published by Prashant Singh on Wednesday, October 05, 2011 at 8:27 AM.
घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ
बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां
है याद मुझको आज भी , वो उसका बाल खोलना
आँखों से मुझको तोलना , फिर पुतलियों से बोलना ,
जब में देखता था टक टकी , संभलती थी चुन्नियाँ
है याद उसकी कपकपी , में पास आता था जभी
वो दर्द दे के जाती थी , वो मारती थी कोहनियाँ
हूँ देखता ये देख कर , उधर न फिर से देखना
सखी सुने या न सुने , वो खुद से कुछ भी बोलना
ऊँगली से लट टटोलना , पेरों से फर्श कुरेदना
बिना वजह रूमाल पे , गांठ मार कर के खोलना
वो एक थी हज़ार में , थी छेडती बाज़ार में ,
मुझ पे थी गेंद फेंकती , जब खेलती थी सतोलियाँ ,
घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ
बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां
पनप रही जब प्रीत थी , तब जिन्दगी में शीत थी
सघर्ष स्वर नेपथ्य था, वो जैसे प्रेम गीत थी ,
मरुस्थल के ताप में , वो आती थी बन के कहकशां
में फसा रहा था द्वन्द में , भविष्य के प्रबंध में
वर्तमान गुजर गया और खो गयी वो धुंध में
निशब्द प्रीत के प्रतिधवनी , है किस से पलट के आ रही
है कौन याद कर रहा मुझे , क्यों आ रही हैं हिचकियाँ
घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ
बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां
photo credit :Buzzom
Control Conspiracies
7 Comments Published by Prashant Singh on Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 8:15 PM.
"This was it ..? " He said to himself as He watched her car disappear in the bend of street .."its over ...there is no two way about it . She must be on her cell phone by now . Chatting to one of her innumerable friends like him . solving all their problems like she often did for him . "She is good at it ..she can do it effortlessly . She must be a very genuine person at heart ..may be thats the reason she is always so happy and ...." . He couldn't think beyond the word happy .. Because He knew where it will lead . He knew that She was Not Happy and He also knew there was hardly anything he can do about it . She won't let him ...There was a strange existential anxiety about her being..... an unrest . He wanted to help her but , " I want it for my happiness more than hers. though I will never admit it".
He often doubted . He was not it doubt today . He wanted to get her out of it .. He wanted her to find her rightful place , her share of Effortless smile . After All He was her Friend and She was his best friend. That was least he can do and that was most he can expect from their relationship . But He also knew She won't Let anyone make her happy outside of her wish . They all made her unhappy in their own way , Most of them without realizing .
He walked toward the lobby of his apartment his heart heavy and steps slow . " Is desire to have power to make anyone happy is just another manifestation of our fundamental desire to control? if so, is it violation of other person's freedom ? can essence of action changes if they are backed by good intentions ? can end justify the means " These were the questions haunting him for a long time ,In fact every time He thought of her ." Everyone wants to be Happy . Right ? That's What we all want at the end of the day ?? " He blurted out in Empty Elevator .. there was no one to answer He Smiled at his own stupidity as elevator reached fourth floor. He was serious again by the time he entered his condo . He switched on the lights . powered on his Laptop ,open the window and Lit a cigarette.
"This is going to be a long Night....." He whispered as he blew the rings of smoke . " Lets get some work done ..To Focus or to distract ". He said and smiled at the irony .He looked for the folder "office work "in list . He spotted it , but right above it was a folder named "Light & Sound" . He looked at that for a while , Smiled and busted his cigarette." Looks like This is going to be longer than i expected " He said ...and started working on an unfinished story . He hasn't touched that for a last three years ....
§ ------ACT 2------§
"Why your cell was not reachable ?" Her father asked .
"Might be Network Issue " came a quick reply form Daddy's chirpy girl
He smiled .. "What the deal with your eyes ? why they looks so tired ?? "
" I was awake late last night and was out whole day today , That explain I guess "
they both knew she was lying but they both also understood the secret lingo they developed over the year to sense when enquirers were not welcomed .
" Ok Go take some rest " He said
" Good Night Dad " She said and kissed her father ." Look Pa ' I don't have to stand on my Toes to kiss you anymore. I am a BIG Girl now and you can stop worrying about me " she said as she disappeared in her room before her father noticed that she was wearing high heels .
" Twenty Five Years and I don't know how to comfort her enough to make her loosen up. and i am her father. i just hope the guy she is with to would succeed where i failed. where all of us failed." He thought as he walked his way to bed. she will be fine, he knew that much ,
" Thank God the guy care for her as much as we do . Old man like me can console himself in this . She is in Good hands " But that was lame He knew , He knew from experience of 20 years , since the time she was five and started talking back to him, that her being in Any hand Good or Bad was part of the problem . He remembered a conversation he had with her when she was teenager
"Care ? Care Pa?? , I think if you care for me you should first Trust me. you should trust that I can make decision for myself ,and give the freedom to make my mistake" . She had said to him . " ...and give me enough confidence that i can always comeback to you if i actually commit a mistake " She had thought but never said ..That would have too much to ask .
"How time flies he thought. She is a big girl now ... she was always grown up for her age ..I kinda didn't get that... i used to get worked up on her actions ..How i miss it when she is gone away and act like a good girl " He sighed .
" Does this guy get that ??" He wondered " I am sure they must be fighting on such things ... I am sure my little princess must be giving him a hard time .. Poor soul I am sure He must be pulling his hairs at times" He thought as he turned off the light . A Big amused smiled danced on his face as he pictured them fighting .
§ ------ACT 3-----§
She hasn't finished her glass of milk yet as her father had asked her to.. She hadn't taken her tablet yet As Her mother had asked her to.. She hadn't stopped think needlessly As Her Boyfriend had asked Requested her to . She knew she should be doing all of it . It was well past midnight and she was still awake . She couldn't sleep . She was anxious . it was her room ...that very room where she grew up .This was the only place where she was able to do what the world thought to be impossible to her : To Be Afraid , To Be Vulnerable , To have Guilt and regret , To know how it feels Not to know . She open the closet and pulled out her old pillow with mickey mouse cover . She used to slobber around with it as a young girl . for some reason Today as a grown up girl she need it more than ever . She clutched it and threw herself on bed . for no obvious reason her thoughts drifted to her birthday party long time back ".
She was in her fave new yellow frock which her father had bought her for her birthday. Her friends were circling around her as she played violin for a game of Chair Race . She blew off the candles and cut the cake. Later in the evening she sung her fave song and everyone applauded her for her talent . Her parents were proud of her . It was a good day ... But only thing was that she wasn't able to enjoy eating as much of cake as she wanted to . That was the ONLY thing she wanted to do .
Phone rang ..bringing her back to the real world . It was her boyfriend calling her . She looked at the greenish glow of phone screen and His name flashing on it . With every pulse of screen's back light she thought of the conversation that would follow if she choose to answer the phone now . She choose not to . She lowered the volume ,put it on the charging, Turned off the light and tried too fall asleep . She knew she couldn't sleep . She knew exactly what she need to do fall asleep . she got up , turned on the lights , Had her tablets , Drink the Glass of Milk her father has left for her , Put the pillow back at its old place . She was back in her bed . Her Eyes heavy ....She tried to think about her birthday party .
" Doing All this was so effort less back then . I don't know what happened in years that followed . I was a good girl . Or SO they used to say " She murmured to her self as she drifted to sleep .
There was a faint flickering of green light on her phone . It reads " 1 Unread Text Message "
Labels: story time
Life for single guy is tough. It’s a never ending stream of explanation. You have to explain your decision to everyone and everyone has a piece of cautionary advice for you .be it your parents , family members , friends , colleagues, neighbors, landlord, house maid ,cleaning lady( you are single and ask me to mop your floor daily?? even married people do it alternate day ), autowallah and security guard in your housing society ( why you live in a 3 BHK sir ..You are not married).
Couple of years back ,when all my friends were getting married in rapid succession and I was under great pressure I decided to take a stand that I won't tie the knot because of age and peer pressure and hold out for right one for me .At that time I grossly underestimated the hostility of people toward the very notion of single hood. Our society looks at being single not as an individual choice but as a societal anomaly. A denim patch on their satin smooth social fabric. I discovered that more often than not people look at me not as someone who is questioning The wisdom of their decision of getting married & passing a judgment . For the record that wasn't my intention ever. There were people who get offended with my so called stubbornness and than there are people who are genuinely concerned. Whatever their motives, both are a big pain in "you know where ". So during last couple of years many people had tried to convince me for getting married. I have been through the drill so many times that now I have a standard response to all their tactics & arguments. Here it goes..
Reason #1 Good Homemade Food (I am not looking for a catering arrangement, moreover please come to my flat for dinner someday and then open your mouth). Acceptance in society (I am not really crazy about being accepted by bunch of bozos who can't think for themselves so spare me). Sex ( what’s that ?? ) , who will serve you when you are old (Don’t worry it won’t be you . you won’t be there probably plus right now I am more concerned about what to do when I am not so old ) . Biological Clock ( tell that to salman khan ) , You are not salman khan ( yeah that’s why I am talking to you ) . You are not a GAY...are you? (You really want a proof?) (Btw just FYI, because of the very nature of enquiry ...this threat work on both sexes). Anyway I was under the [false] impression that I have known all their tactics and I can deal with any adversary. As usual I was wrong , for past couple of weeks or so, that whole god damn clan of my unwarranted well-wishers has added a new weapon in to their arsenal. A TV serial name "Bade Acche Lagte hain (BALH) “.
I am not a TV person. In fact my disdain for stupid TV soap operas is well known amongst my friends and family. so I was amazed when sometime back a college friend of mine called me and said that he remembered me after watching a TV serial . He suggested that I should watch it too. I said I will. Since then it has been a consistent stream of recommendation from every quarter.When I was in Singapore last week for a conference. A business associate asked me why my wife hasn't joined me for the trip. On learning that I am still single he recommended that I should watch "Bade Aache lagte Hain “. I cringed and decided I would check out what the Big deal about this show .
So last weekend I spent couple of hours in watching first two episode of this serial on YouTube. I was surprised to know that it’s produced by Ekta Kapoor's Balaji Telefilms. More surprising was the fact that the name didn't started with a "K" . I guess in that case the name would have been "Kabaadi Acche Lagtee Hain “. Other offbeat thing about the story was that it was dealing with a pre marital theme. Ekta Kapoor is not known for that kind of stuff. Her specialization is in stories related to post marital traumas involving" over dressed -sleep-with -jewelry" In Laws , scheming housewives and a perpetually living old lady named "Baa " . These elements were missing. At least so far.
Any way the story revolves around these two characters. A girl in her early thirties (33 if you really want to know, I was just being polite) and a slightly oversized dude in his forties. Obviously both are single and not really crazy hot about getting married anytime soon. The guy is a millionaire who runs a business empire and buys private jet on the drop of the hat. I don't understand why all these stupid script writers who are probably underpaid jhollawalas are so fixated with the idea of portraying the male protagonist as millionaire. Even in supposedly offbeat stories. It un necessarily raise the bar for rest of the men. Anyway back to the story; the girl on the other hand is from a middle class family who is supporting her family and ambition of her younger sister by teaching in a GRE TOEFL training center. Both of them are pretty much taken for granted by their respective families. Only reason why their family put up with them is that they bring in a hatful of dough every month.
As typical to Ekta Kapoor stories both of the protagonist defies every law of genetics and behavioral inheritance known to mankind. The guy's father is dead 10 year back but before old man died He was married twice (that alone explain why the dude is still single, he learned from mistake of his father). So our hero is now living with his step mother, who in some other life could've been a good candidate for him to date. She looks hot for age if you really want to know. Anyway what makes it funny is that how come someone who is horny enough to marry twice and manages to find a pretty hot girl even in old age has a son who is not keen to marry even once and from the look of it gives an impression of having a terrible sex life. Even his personal secretary looks more like a fugitive nun from some catheradel. Poor bastard. I kinda feel sorry for him.
Anyway the case of girl is more intriguing. She is proverbial girl next door. She believe in love and gives a mushy lecture on “meaning of love “to her student. Though hers is not a case of step mom, evil sister and all that snow white crap but her mother is a loud mouth, self promoting lady who reminds you 10 times in two episodes that she was Miss Bhubaneswar. The younger sister of our homely babe is an aspiring model who has won a beauty pageant recently and she is at her bitching best while dealing with her sis. But our homely babe has got an Heart of Mother Teresa and she takes it in her stride and ignore it on account of the fact that they are all in a family .Big deal.
Looking at the contrast of characters that apparently grew up in same family makes you doubt the wisdom in all the things you learn about genetics and stuff in your high school science course.Both girl and boy has got someone who understand what they are going through ,feel pity , feel sad about them but for some strange reason never muster enough guts to stand up and tell those people that they are not being nice to his /her friend . For the guy it’s a dude in office who is his sidekick and for girl it’s her father. Fellow victim of same disaster: his wife.
Then there is drama: In the two episodes I saw on you tube. Both girl and boy keep on running in to each other but they never really realize how often their path had crossed. Some students in girl's class were reading a business magazine with a cover story about guy .Girl's sister ends up applying in a company managed by guys’ sister and finally epic of drama when Guys bangs his car into girl’s car. I guess our underpaid script writer at Balaji Telefilms took the metaphor of "crossing the path” a bit too literally. Anyway they still don't meet. than destiny( or Ekta Kapoor ) throw them in a situation where guy meet the girl in a "perfect stranger " situation in a hotel and pour his heart out on slightest of provocation .He tells her " how lonely he is ? how he longs for someone to understand and accept it and stuff like that .." . Of course they can't see each other and go separate ways guy feeling light after making a confession and Girl feeling light after hearing it . Both of them were looking so light in that sequence that A still photo from that shot could have easily be used in the advertisement of Dabur Nature Care. There is soothing background music to set the mood. You got the idea right? I could narrate you rest of the story but you will probably end up puking if I did.
Though the show is still on air but story line is more or less obvious. Eventually dude and girl will meet. followed by denial, followed by accidental discovery or eternal love which was always there, followed by resistance from family members ( who till yesterday were very hot for them to tie the knot , go figure )eventually the wedding and happy ending and stuff . They might throw in sex in between somewhere to make it more interesting.
So what’s the Big Deal : ?
Ekta Kapoor is a business person and a very smart one at that. So in that sense her choosing to make a daily soap on such a supposedly offbeat topic of singlehood validates the fact that there is a big enough audience for the same. In short me and my folks are not the only one around who are dealing with this issue. Number of people is grappling with this issue of not being able to find right companion is big enough to warrant some media attention. but as it often happen with media , they pick up a fairly serious topic and botch it by treating it in a immature and sometime downright stupid manner. BALH is yet another example of the same. Its very shallow in treatment .they are still relying on tested formulas. It’s nowhere close to what happen in real life.
For example take the core issue of why the guy (or girl for that matter) is not able to find the right match. The story seems to suggest that this happen accidentally. As if one day they wake up and discovered that they are middle aged .Modern day Rip Van Winkle or something. I don't think that’s how it happens. People do make a CHOICE to stay single. It can be forced, implied or conscious choice but there always is an option involved. Specially in India where arranged marriage is a norm.So logical question is that what are the factors which are feeding this trend? I don't know the right answer but I think I have some ideas about the factors at work. I am listing some of them below.
Relationships: At the age of 16 no one dreams of being single at the age of 32. There is an old saying that “All Feminist are heartbroken romantics “. Most of the single folks I know fit that description. At some points in their lives they have been party to a dysfunctional relationship or witness to a terrible alliance from a distance. I am not talking strictly about things like betrayal, Cheating, Breakup or divorce. These are relatively easy to deal and one eventually gets over them (I hope). What I am discussing is a situation where one know that He/ She has made a wrong choice but now they are STUCK in a sub optimal alliance due to emotional or societal reason.
I know some cases first hand where people are not happy and are kind of dragging their lives. This is truer of Indian context where social cost /stigma of a failed alliance are very high. We might have less than 2 % divorce rate in our country but if Happiness is the parameter of a successful marriage than I am pretty sure that more than 50% of alliance in our generation and generation before that will be classified as sub optimal if not downright failure . And it’s not hard to spot them, especially in small town India where your life is pretty much a open book. Being witness to such stories makes one afraid and skeptical of whole notion of marriage. Though people might not articulate it that way and no one has systematically studied and measured it but my hunch is that this factor alone is the biggest contributor to the initial seeding of the idea of remaining single.
Money: by money I mean access to resources, access to discretionary residual income. This allow a fall back option. This provides a scope of experimentation in life. For better or worse ours is the first generation in India to experience this. Our parent’s generation was in a "survival mode" for much of their life. Reflection & experimentation was a luxury they couldn't have afforded. Since they never had to deal with these issues so they have very little of wisdom to share with us on them. Ergo ours is a generation suffering from a sort of identity crisis. Since they are not sure "Who they are” and "what they want to do with their life” so it’s kind of tough for them to decide "who they want to marry”.
Denial: Access to money also gives a sense of entitlement & [false] self sufficiency. A flaunted indifference to our surrounding. Often time it tricks you to believing that we don't really need anyone to lead a happy life. More than anything it allows you to re enforce & glorify your denials by external artifacts. Things like Cars, job, salary, luxury holiday or what have you. I have seen that most lonely person is the one who have got most things to show off. They still need to connect, they still need to validate themselves but they are in denial of the same and there is a whole industry out there to help them do it in style. This is most visible in educated elites with a thriving professional life but a less than happy personal life. Such people have very little room for accommodating someone else in their life.
Rigidity: The older we get, more rigid we become in our ways of doing things, in our world view and gradually lose the ability to adopt. And in our heart we know that we are losing it. We are becoming irrational and may be too rigid for our own good. We also know that any relationship involve adjustment and adaptation .so we are kind of afraid to get in to any such institution to began with. What’s funny is that I have friends who tell me that “I am single because no one can live with me? I am temperamental and irrational. People eventually want to change me and I don't want to change...blah ...” bullshit. My standard follow-up question: " At the end of the day Are you happy being irrational temramental ....blah blah blah. Will you be happy if you find someone who is absolutely fine with this”Standard Answer without a single exception” No. I am not happy but isn't I am too old to change now? Can I change at this age? " .
What a pity! This is plain inertia of habits, a comfort zone where you are comfortable, Alone, Accepted, sub optimal and single. I advice them to get out of it ASAP. But till this day without exception no one has followed or even considered my suggestion.
Finally I believe there is statistics at works. It’s a known fact that in every generation a certain % of population remains single. In the same way as in every generation a certain % of people are homosexuals. Our generation is not an exception in that respect. What’s different in our case is that thanks to technology we are super connected and constantly in touch with people who in past we would probably have lost touch with. My dad doesn’t know where his school time friends are and if any of them is still single. But I know. So this phenomena of single hood is somewhat more observable now a days ergo it’s being talked about more. But knowing a statistical truth is one thing and being a data point in that statistics is totally different and somewhat painful thing. That brings me to the most painful part of being a single guy (or girl for that matter). That is dealing with your parents. No matter how educated or understanding your parents are there is one thing they are unable to accept.
“Not Everyone Get Married “.
पीड़ा सी तुम कहराती हो , लज्जा सी तुम सकुचाती हो
बन कर आंसू तुम फूलों का ,टहनी पे ढलकी जाती हो
हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो
तेरे आँचल के ढलने से , रात्री के कालिख धुलती है
पा कर के तेरा सरस स्पर्श ,मेरी पंखुरियां खुलती है
अंगडाई ले कर उठता है , चिर निद्रा में सोया संसार
तेरी बूंदों का अमृत रस, करता उसमे जीवन संचार
रात्रि की भटकी नौका को , सागर तट से मिलवाती हो
हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो
दिन मुझे आमंत्रित करता है , कलरव् से कोलाहल से
छूती मुझको तमहर किरणे , छन कर आती तेरे आँचल से ,
जीवन गाथा का खल नायक , वो दिनकर मुझे जगाता है
पर उसे छुपा में देता हूँ , ढक कर पलकों के बादल से
फिर तुम आ कर ओ निशिगंधा , मिटटी की महक बढाती हो
हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो
मंदिर से उठती शंख ध्वनी , मस्जिद से उठती एक अजान
मुझे तोड़ने को बढ़ते , दोनों के अनुयायी महान
गुंजन कर आता भ्रमर पुंज ,लेने मुझ से मेरा पराग
प्रेमी ले जाते तोड़ मुझे , फिर गाते अपना प्रेम राग
चाहे जो अंतिम यात्रा हो , तुम धो कर के मुझे सजाती हो
हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो
बहती थी बन के जल धरा , तुम इस धरती के आंगन में
में सुखी कंटक झाड़ी था ,जीवन रूपी इस उपवन में
देखा जब तुमने मुझको , नव जीवन का प्रसार हुआ
उस प्राण दात्री शक्ति से , इस पागल मन को प्यार हुआ
पर तेरा मेरा मेल कहाँ ,तेरे चाहत वो बादल था
वो रहने वाला नभतल का , मेरा घर तो ये धरातल था
देखा मैंने बस दूर खड़े , तुम कैसे वाष्पीकृत थी हुई
पाली तुमने अपनी चाहत , बादल से एकीकृत थी हुई
पर रखने को तुम दिल मेरा , चुपके से झलक दिखाती हो ,
हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो
On Calculative People
14 Comments Published by Prashant Singh on Thursday, March 04, 2010 at 5:14 AM.
"You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ”
There are many side effects of being good at penmanship but one of the most taxing of them is the constant stream of request you receive from friends and family to help them with their docs. I can't count how many speeches ,CVs ,Cover letters,SOP,party invitations, Resignation Letter and farewell speech I have ghost written . In my college days I used to be a busy man writing Valentine cards and love notes during V Day and Friendship Days. I used to enjoy it initially, It got somewhat mechanical later on but i keep on complying with requests as my schedule and energy allowed. However I was under the impression that I have seen all sort of request . So I was pleasantly surprised when I received an unusual request from an ex colleague of mine .She pinged me couple of month back.We weren't in touch for long time .We used to work together long back , when I was fresh out of college. I had a vague recollection of her.A sweet little non descriptive girl of fair skin tone . somewhat shy but ambitious and hardworking. She had borrowed my copy of Pickwick Paper and returned it only when i explicitly asked for it (twice) while leaving job. She had pinged me because she wanted me to help her with filling up registration form on matrimonial website. This was new to me . So I agreed to help her in exchange of a weekend breakfast at Kaffia . so we meet at appointed hour , after 10-20 minute of catching up and remembering the good time at out first jobs . we got down to business . that's when I realized that I was in for some rude shock.
Deal was that I will provide the appropriate words, some well written broad theme for write up , some quotes and She will fill in the details.She pulled out her notepad and we started with writing brief indicative words to highlight desired personality traits for potential partner. she explained that she is a shy, reclusive , un reasonable at times , moody ,rude with a me first attitude (only child syndrome at work here) so She wants some one who is socially charming , not very assertive ,who pamper her and don't think too much of her action .to quote her verbatim "you know na ..husband material ..not an intellectual type.just put it in such words that it doesn't come across like a pappu,rest I will handle" . She had done her research right , she said that she want some one who is professionally accomplished but not aggressive . To my great surprise she said (and i am quoting her verbatim)"Guys from infy and programmer type because they are "manageable" MBA type are not Manageable". (Holy God!!) .
In short she was looking for someone who can put up with her abuse , Human equivalent of a doormat. while I appreciated her honesty and clarity of thought but I was amused to see her line of thinking .I looked at her, wide eyed.
"What ? Why you are looking at me like that ?" She said
"Well Nothing .. nothing just a bit surprised to hear your thought I guess " I said
"You think I am acting mean , scheming and calculative don't you ? " she asked with a total calmness
"Yes ..In a way" I said as politely as possible.
"I guess I am , All my friends say i am difficult person and I don't have many friends.I know myself, I am spoiled by my parents I want same from my partner.its too late for me to change and I think I am not asking for too much I can find someone". She said ..nonstop seemingly talking to justify herself to herself.
"Ya you can always find a sucker" I said attacking her on personal front .I shouldn't .
"Sucker ?? You call it sucker ? I think its compatibility . I will be compatible with a person like that " She said.
"Yeah,Like a crack head is compatible with drugs. That's not compatibility.its a type of hopeless dependence,an addiction,and trust me it will only get worse as year roll on" I said
"see you can deny right now ..if you feel like its beneath your dignity " She said ,clipping me off in the middle of sentence .
I didn't deny , maybe because it would have been very awkward , may be because of some social rule of politeness drilled in to my head or may be because something in me told me that She don't believe it .she is just being "practical" .
" Have you wondered how your spouse will feel about it ? if he got to know why you choose to marry him ? " I enquired
"He will never know .Actually That's why I asked you to help, I can't talk all this to my immediate social circle , we hardly talk na so you are just like stranger " She said with a apologetic smile . I was fucked in day light on breakfast table .
"I feel like a pen whore hired in exchange for a breakfast" I said sarcastically ( It Cost 150 INR in case you are interested).
I wasn't very keen to help her now . I was feeling like a fellow conspirator , helping her to set a trap of word to lure someone . but romantic in me somewhere believe that she was just overwhelmed by the social pressure and anxiety associated with wedding so against my better judgment I tried to explain implication of her action .
"You are not understanding the long term effect of your choice here " I said, in a big brother tone " from your way of speaking it looks like that you won't be respecting this person very much . you are starting the process with a compromise . is it a good idea ? seriously ? why would you like to spend your life with someone you don't respect and who don't inspire you .from what little I remember of our time together you used to be very inspired by our MD, he was your role model. he was not at all like that" I guess I was trying to reproach her .
"You don't understand how things are . I read your blog you are a romantic . I am not . Life run like that only .no one is perfect ."she said with firm conviction.
"Well if your are OK with imperfect Life than you are living one right now ..why you want to drag someone into it " I was agitated.
"See if you don't wanna help me ,say so. I don't want a lecture" She was visibly upset and uncomfortable.
"All right. I will " I said and for next 20 minute or so helped her in drafting some content . it was mechanical ,a formality because I was stuck there .She knew it too. We bid adieu after that . I doubt I will see her again any time soon. I am sure that I am not getting invited to her wedding .I didn't finished the breakfast too .
I decided to take a walk home . during that 5 Km walk from Kafia to my place I was thinking about her . I realized that Her flaw was that she was naive enough to admit her ulterior motives wasn't verbose enough to sugarcoat it . but fundamentally her line of thinking was not very different from many folks I encountered in life .some of them were very close to my heart .
Strangely I thought of my fave romantic movie "serendipity ". I remembered that about a year and half back a friend had asked me that "Why i like the movie so much ? how its different from any other nicely done love story" . I had no convincing answer to him at that time . But today I have . In that movie protagonist Jonathan Trager calls off his wedding even when he know that he won't be getting his soul mate . same was the case with female lead . they both realised that they don't love the person they are going to marry .so they act honest to other person and call things off . eventually find each other in a serendipitous way . they were not calculative. They were true to them self . That's what I like about the movie .I was happy that my gut reaction in cafe was in line with my inner standard of morality .
I know Life is not a movie. I know that serendipity is a very uncertain approach to life . but for now I choose it over being calculative.for my Ex colleague , I hope good sense prevail to her and she change her prespective . I have one last thing to say to girls (and boys) like her and its based on my personal experience " Every human being have a breaking point , everyone develop a spine, a backbone over a course of time and when HE/She will develop that your calculation will fail you. Make your choices carefully"
