knowprashant -Rants,Chants & A Little Bit Of Wisdom

Accepting you for What you are

2012-01-10T02:15:00.000-08:00

We grew up on stories about fight of Good Vs Evil. There is a good guy , there is a bad guy ,somewhere in the story they collide ,Good Guy fights the bad guy and good guy always win. Right ? I guess so . For the most part we tend to base our code of conduct from these folklores . Problem with these stories are that BAD guys in these story always know that they are BAD. From Captain Hook in Peter Pan to Joker in BatMan ,From Dragon who Gaurd the Princess in Mario to Agent Smith In Matrix Trilogy.All those SATAN worshiper , Saber toothed evil souls with a Dark cloak floating behined them were convinced of their evilness and they were proud of it . In every case distinction bitween Good and evil was presented to us by narrator. Ergo .. Good guy's Job was very simple .He was never in two mind about what he is supposed to do . He is supposed to Kill them. Most of them killed the bad guy on their own but some of them took help from Bunch of Monkeys living in hills . But they killed them anyway .

Real life is little more complicated than that . Often time its hard to decide what is Wrong and what is Right. Often time people doing wrong are not doing it intentionally . they genuinly belive that their actions are justfied . Your selfish relatives, your cheating friends , your mean neighbors, Person who belive that Women are not equal to men , Person who think that people who are not from IIT-IIM are not cut out to be CEO, Person peeing on street and spitting on pavement , who Jumped the Red Light and nearly killed you in process , the person who speak rudely to you in office without provocation, the girl who blame every thing on Gender bias of society, Spouse who exploit emotional dependecy of their partner, Boss Who Steal you ideas.List is endless . But if you examine their action in their shoes and look at their thought process you will see they have very rationale explanation for what they do . They have been shaped by their environment in to becoming who they are . Often time that make some of us forgive them or put up with their abuse . We think " HE is like that only and HE can't change " . Most of the time thats a Good way to look at the problem. For changing someone's thought process is a Herculean enterprise and since One got to pick his battle very carefully so most of us often Avoid or Ignore such trespassing in public , professional or political context . But what about such conduct in other sphere of life .

Unspoken truth is that this tendency often hurts us most in our personal Life . What to do if this transgression is being done by your best friend who take you for granted, by your wife who is rude , by your boy friend who is not sesitive enough.somewhere you know that they know that they are wrong and they are taking undue advantage of you but you want them to realize that on their own . But its not working out.. you have waited for long and you are wondering that at what point you should stop discounting their ignorance and say " Intentionally or unintentionally You ARE Hurting Me and this is not acceptable to me " . Most of us say it too late and most of us regret saying it .

Putting your foot down is essentially like renegotiating the power balance in a relationship . Most of people won't gonna enjoy this . They are in habbit of dealing with you in a certain manner , new equations alter that. it breaks their habbit . Older the habbit, bigger the inertia and resistance and More the Transition pain. I have gone through this drill several time in life . its ugly . But when you are in the middle of that Transition you are sure to get one response with unfailing consistency. At some point , other party will say " I am like this only .Accept me for what I am " . This is a VERY potent argument for the simple reason that it generate a conflict within us . Since we love these people ( that's why we are negotiating and not walking away from deal altogether ) and they are asking us to respect their Individuality ( and Deep down you are asking for the same . Respect for you as an Individual ) Most of us fall for this . And are often stuck in a sub optimal life . In our time demanding "Accept me for what I am " has became something like a carte Blanche for irrationality and whimsical nature. God Forbid if other party has read Steve Jobs Biography . They will think its the price you have to pay to be in company of Genius. These people make me puke , seriously, the whole god forsaken bunch of them .

Let put his in Black and White . Your ignorance is not an alibi for the damage you do to people . Not being able to see other person's view point is fine but Not being willing to see it is EVIL . Periodic self examination is a necessary condition for being Good . anyone who refuse to do that is one step short of being evil .

So what you do when some idiot throw this on you. "Accept me for what I am " . Before You Accept other person ( and pay the price ) Look inside and Ask yourself " Who You Are and Does that person Respect that " " What You Wanna to be ? Does this person think you can ? Will this person wants you to get there or [more importantly ] will he be an obstacle in reaching there? " , " Do you Admire them for their qualities or You are afraid of Lonesomeness & uncertainty ensuing if you part ways" . HONEST answers to these question will help you clear your head . once you have done that "Don't ask for Apology or Hope of reform .Remind your self that your Happiness is as important as him and Tell him to FUCK OFF" . Trust Me You Won't Regret it .

I will be doing it more often in 2012 . Thats my ( one of many ) Resolution for the year.

Pic Credit : Hugh from Gapingvoid.

Once Upon A Time in October

2011-10-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ

बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां

है याद मुझको आज भी , वो उसका बाल खोलना

आँखों से मुझको तोलना , फिर पुतलियों से बोलना ,

जब में देखता था टक टकी , संभलती थी चुन्नियाँ

है याद उसकी कपकपी , में पास आता था जभी

वो दर्द दे के जाती थी , वो मारती थी कोहनियाँ

हूँ देखता ये देख कर , उधर न फिर से देखना

सखी सुने या न सुने , वो खुद से कुछ भी बोलना

ऊँगली से लट टटोलना , पेरों से फर्श कुरेदना

बिना वजह रूमाल पे , गांठ मार कर के खोलना

वो एक थी हज़ार में , थी छेडती बाज़ार में ,

मुझ पे थी गेंद फेंकती , जब खेलती थी सतोलियाँ ,

घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ

बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां

पनप रही जब प्रीत थी , तब जिन्दगी में शीत थी

सघर्ष स्वर नेपथ्य था, वो जैसे प्रेम गीत थी ,

मरुस्थल के ताप में , वो आती थी बन के कहकशां

में फसा रहा था द्वन्द में , भविष्य के प्रबंध में

वर्तमान गुजर गया और खो गयी वो धुंध में

निशब्द प्रीत के प्रतिधवनी , है किस से पलट के आ रही

है कौन याद कर रहा मुझे , क्यों आ रही हैं हिचकियाँ

घुटी घुटी थी सर्दियाँ , रुकी रुकी थी सिसकियाँ

बुने थे हमने स्वपन जब , कुल्लड में ले के चुस्कियां

photo credit :Buzzom

Control Conspiracies

2011-09-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

"This was it ..? " He said to himself as He watched her car disappear in the bend of street .."its over ...there is no two way about it . She must be on her cell phone by now . Chatting to one of her innumerable friends like him . solving all their problems like she often did for him . "She is good at it ..she can do it effortlessly . She must be a very genuine person at heart ..may be thats the reason she is always so happy and ...." . He couldn't think beyond the word happy .. Because He knew where it will lead . He knew that She was Not Happy and He also knew there was hardly anything he can do about it . She won't let him ...There was a strange existential anxiety about her being..... an unrest . He wanted to help her but , " I want it for my happiness more than hers. though I will never admit it".

He often doubted . He was not it doubt today . He wanted to get her out of it .. He wanted her to find her rightful place , her share of Effortless smile . After All He was her Friend and She was his best friend. That was least he can do and that was most he can expect from their relationship . But He also knew She won't Let anyone make her happy outside of her wish . They all made her unhappy in their own way , Most of them without realizing .

He walked toward the lobby of his apartment his heart heavy and steps slow . " Is desire to have power to make anyone happy is just another manifestation of our fundamental desire to control? if so, is it violation of other person's freedom ? can essence of action changes if they are backed by good intentions ? can end justify the means " These were the questions haunting him for a long time ,In fact every time He thought of her ." Everyone wants to be Happy . Right ? That's What we all want at the end of the day ?? " He blurted out in Empty Elevator .. there was no one to answer He Smiled at his own stupidity as elevator reached fourth floor. He was serious again by the time he entered his condo . He switched on the lights . powered on his Laptop ,open the window and Lit a cigarette.

"This is going to be a long Night....." He whispered as he blew the rings of smoke . " Lets get some work done ..To Focus or to distract ". He said and smiled at the irony .He looked for the folder "office work "in list . He spotted it , but right above it was a folder named "Light & Sound" . He looked at that for a while , Smiled and busted his cigarette." Looks like This is going to be longer than i expected " He said ...and started working on an unfinished story . He hasn't touched that for a last three years ....

§ ------ACT 2------§

Miles away ...She switched on the cell Phone as the car entered the villa .

"Why your cell was not reachable ?" Her father asked .

"Might be Network Issue " came a quick reply form Daddy's chirpy girl

He smiled .. "What the deal with your eyes ? why they looks so tired ?? "

" I was awake late last night and was out whole day today , That explain I guess "

they both knew she was lying but they both also understood the secret lingo they developed over the year to sense when enquirers were not welcomed .

" Ok Go take some rest " He said

" Good Night Dad " She said and kissed her father ." Look Pa ' I don't have to stand on my Toes to kiss you anymore. I am a BIG Girl now and you can stop worrying about me " she said as she disappeared in her room before her father noticed that she was wearing high heels .

" Twenty Five Years and I don't know how to comfort her enough to make her loosen up. and i am her father. i just hope the guy she is with to would succeed where i failed. where all of us failed." He thought as he walked his way to bed. she will be fine, he knew that much ,

" Thank God the guy care for her as much as we do . Old man like me can console himself in this . She is in Good hands " But that was lame He knew , He knew from experience of 20 years , since the time she was five and started talking back to him, that her being in Any hand Good or Bad was part of the problem . He remembered a conversation he had with her when she was teenager

"Care ? Care Pa?? , I think if you care for me you should first Trust me. you should trust that I can make decision for myself ,and give the freedom to make my mistake" . She had said to him . " ...and give me enough confidence that i can always comeback to you if i actually commit a mistake " She had thought but never said ..That would have too much to ask .

"How time flies he thought. She is a big girl now ... she was always grown up for her age ..I kinda didn't get that... i used to get worked up on her actions ..How i miss it when she is gone away and act like a good girl " He sighed .

" Does this guy get that ??" He wondered " I am sure they must be fighting on such things ... I am sure my little princess must be giving him a hard time .. Poor soul I am sure He must be pulling his hairs at times" He thought as he turned off the light . A Big amused smiled danced on his face as he pictured them fighting .

§ ------ACT 3-----§

She hasn't finished her glass of milk yet as her father had asked her to.. She hadn't taken her tablet yet As Her mother had asked her to.. She hadn't stopped think needlessly As Her Boyfriend had ~~asked~~ Requested her to . She knew she should be doing all of it . It was well past midnight and she was still awake . She couldn't sleep . She was anxious . it was her room ...that very room where she grew up .This was the only place where she was able to do what the world thought to be impossible to her : To Be Afraid , To Be Vulnerable , To have Guilt and regret , To know how it feels Not to know . She open the closet and pulled out her old pillow with mickey mouse cover . She used to slobber around with it as a young girl . for some reason Today as a grown up girl she need it more than ever . She clutched it and threw herself on bed . for no obvious reason her thoughts drifted to her birthday party long time back ".

She was in her fave new yellow frock which her father had bought her for her birthday. Her friends were circling around her as she played violin for a game of Chair Race . She blew off the candles and cut the cake. Later in the evening she sung her fave song and everyone applauded her for her talent . Her parents were proud of her . It was a good day ... But only thing was that she wasn't able to enjoy eating as much of cake as she wanted to . That was the ONLY thing she wanted to do .

Phone rang ..bringing her back to the real world . It was her boyfriend calling her . She looked at the greenish glow of phone screen and His name flashing on it . With every pulse of screen's back light she thought of the conversation that would follow if she choose to answer the phone now . She choose not to . She lowered the volume ,put it on the charging, Turned off the light and tried too fall asleep . She knew she couldn't sleep . She knew exactly what she need to do fall asleep . she got up , turned on the lights , Had her tablets , Drink the Glass of Milk her father has left for her , Put the pillow back at its old place . She was back in her bed . Her Eyes heavy ....She tried to think about her birthday party .

" Doing All this was so effort less back then . I don't know what happened in years that followed . I was a good girl . Or SO they used to say " She murmured to her self as she drifted to sleep .

There was a faint flickering of green light on her phone . It reads " 1 Unread Text Message "

Bade Acche Lagte Hain

2011-07-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

Life for single guy is tough. It’s a never ending stream of explanation. You have to explain your decision to everyone and everyone has a piece of cautionary advice for you .be it your parents , family members , friends , colleagues, neighbors, landlord, house maid ,cleaning lady( you are single and ask me to mop your floor daily?? even married people do it alternate day ), autowallah and security guard in your housing society ( why you live in a 3 BHK sir ..You are not married).

Couple of years back ,when all my friends were getting married in rapid succession and I was under great pressure I decided to take a stand that I won't tie the knot because of age and peer pressure and hold out for right one for me .At that time I grossly underestimated the hostility of people toward the very notion of single hood. Our society looks at being single not as an individual choice but as a societal anomaly. A denim patch on their satin smooth social fabric. I discovered that more often than not people look at me not as someone who is questioning The wisdom of their decision of getting married & passing a judgment . For the record that wasn't my intention ever. There were people who get offended with my so called stubbornness and than there are people who are genuinely concerned. Whatever their motives, both are a big pain in "you know where ". So during last couple of years many people had tried to convince me for getting married. I have been through the drill so many times that now I have a standard response to all their tactics & arguments. Here it goes..

Reason #1 Good Homemade Food (I am not looking for a catering arrangement, moreover please come to my flat for dinner someday and then open your mouth). Acceptance in society (I am not really crazy about being accepted by bunch of bozos who can't think for themselves so spare me). Sex ( what’s that ?? ) , who will serve you when you are old (Don’t worry it won’t be you . you won’t be there probably plus right now I am more concerned about what to do when I am not so old ) . Biological Clock ( tell that to salman khan ) , You are not salman khan ( yeah that’s why I am talking to you ) . You are not a GAY...are you? (You really want a proof?) (Btw just FYI, because of the very nature of enquiry ...this threat work on both sexes). Anyway I was under the [false] impression that I have known all their tactics and I can deal with any adversary. As usual I was wrong , for past couple of weeks or so, that whole god damn clan of my unwarranted well-wishers has added a new weapon in to their arsenal. A TV serial name "Bade Acche Lagte hain (BALH) “.

I am not a TV person. In fact my disdain for stupid TV soap operas is well known amongst my friends and family. so I was amazed when sometime back a college friend of mine called me and said that he remembered me after watching a TV serial . He suggested that I should watch it too. I said I will. Since then it has been a consistent stream of recommendation from every quarter.When I was in Singapore last week for a conference. A business associate asked me why my wife hasn't joined me for the trip. On learning that I am still single he recommended that I should watch "Bade Aache lagte Hain “. I cringed and decided I would check out what the Big deal about this show .

So last weekend I spent couple of hours in watching first two episode of this serial on YouTube. I was surprised to know that it’s produced by Ekta Kapoor's Balaji Telefilms. More surprising was the fact that the name didn't started with a "K" . I guess in that case the name would have been "Kabaadi Acche Lagtee Hain “. Other offbeat thing about the story was that it was dealing with a pre marital theme. Ekta Kapoor is not known for that kind of stuff. Her specialization is in stories related to post marital traumas involving" over dressed -sleep-with -jewelry" In Laws , scheming housewives and a perpetually living old lady named "Baa " . These elements were missing. At least so far.

Any way the story revolves around these two characters. A girl in her early thirties (33 if you really want to know, I was just being polite) and a slightly oversized dude in his forties. Obviously both are single and not really crazy hot about getting married anytime soon. The guy is a millionaire who runs a business empire and buys private jet on the drop of the hat. I don't understand why all these stupid script writers who are probably underpaid jhollawalas are so fixated with the idea of portraying the male protagonist as millionaire. Even in supposedly offbeat stories. It un necessarily raise the bar for rest of the men. Anyway back to the story; the girl on the other hand is from a middle class family who is supporting her family and ambition of her younger sister by teaching in a GRE TOEFL training center. Both of them are pretty much taken for granted by their respective families. Only reason why their family put up with them is that they bring in a hatful of dough every month.

As typical to Ekta Kapoor stories both of the protagonist defies every law of genetics and behavioral inheritance known to mankind. The guy's father is dead 10 year back but before old man died He was married twice (that alone explain why the dude is still single, he learned from mistake of his father). So our hero is now living with his step mother, who in some other life could've been a good candidate for him to date. She looks hot for age if you really want to know. Anyway what makes it funny is that how come someone who is horny enough to marry twice and manages to find a pretty hot girl even in old age has a son who is not keen to marry even once and from the look of it gives an impression of having a terrible sex life. Even his personal secretary looks more like a fugitive nun from some catheradel. Poor bastard. I kinda feel sorry for him.

Anyway the case of girl is more intriguing. She is proverbial girl next door. She believe in love and gives a mushy lecture on “meaning of love “to her student. Though hers is not a case of step mom, evil sister and all that snow white crap but her mother is a loud mouth, self promoting lady who reminds you 10 times in two episodes that she was Miss Bhubaneswar. The younger sister of our homely babe is an aspiring model who has won a beauty pageant recently and she is at her bitching best while dealing with her sis. But our homely babe has got an Heart of Mother Teresa and she takes it in her stride and ignore it on account of the fact that they are all in a family .Big deal.

Looking at the contrast of characters that apparently grew up in same family makes you doubt the wisdom in all the things you learn about genetics and stuff in your high school science course.Both girl and boy has got someone who understand what they are going through ,feel pity , feel sad about them but for some strange reason never muster enough guts to stand up and tell those people that they are not being nice to his /her friend . For the guy it’s a dude in office who is his sidekick and for girl it’s her father. Fellow victim of same disaster: his wife.

Then there is drama: In the two episodes I saw on you tube. Both girl and boy keep on running in to each other but they never really realize how often their path had crossed. Some students in girl's class were reading a business magazine with a cover story about guy .Girl's sister ends up applying in a company managed by guys’ sister and finally epic of drama when Guys bangs his car into girl’s car. I guess our underpaid script writer at Balaji Telefilms took the metaphor of "crossing the path” a bit too literally. Anyway they still don't meet. than destiny( or Ekta Kapoor ) throw them in a situation where guy meet the girl in a "perfect stranger " situation in a hotel and pour his heart out on slightest of provocation .He tells her " how lonely he is ? how he longs for someone to understand and accept it and stuff like that .." . Of course they can't see each other and go separate ways guy feeling light after making a confession and Girl feeling light after hearing it . Both of them were looking so light in that sequence that A still photo from that shot could have easily be used in the advertisement of Dabur Nature Care. There is soothing background music to set the mood. You got the idea right? I could narrate you rest of the story but you will probably end up puking if I did.

Though the show is still on air but story line is more or less obvious. Eventually dude and girl will meet. followed by denial, followed by accidental discovery or eternal love which was always there, followed by resistance from family members ( who till yesterday were very hot for them to tie the knot , go figure )eventually the wedding and happy ending and stuff . They might throw in sex in between somewhere to make it more interesting.

So what’s the Big Deal : ?

Ekta Kapoor is a business person and a very smart one at that. So in that sense her choosing to make a daily soap on such a supposedly offbeat topic of singlehood validates the fact that there is a big enough audience for the same. In short me and my folks are not the only one around who are dealing with this issue. Number of people is grappling with this issue of not being able to find right companion is big enough to warrant some media attention. but as it often happen with media , they pick up a fairly serious topic and botch it by treating it in a immature and sometime downright stupid manner. BALH is yet another example of the same. Its very shallow in treatment .they are still relying on tested formulas. It’s nowhere close to what happen in real life.

For example take the core issue of why the guy (or girl for that matter) is not able to find the right match. The story seems to suggest that this happen accidentally. As if one day they wake up and discovered that they are middle aged .Modern day Rip Van Winkle or something. I don't think that’s how it happens. People do make a CHOICE to stay single. It can be forced, implied or conscious choice but there always is an option involved. Specially in India where arranged marriage is a norm.So logical question is that what are the factors which are feeding this trend? I don't know the right answer but I think I have some ideas about the factors at work. I am listing some of them below.

Relationships: At the age of 16 no one dreams of being single at the age of 32. There is an old saying that “All Feminist are heartbroken romantics “. Most of the single folks I know fit that description. At some points in their lives they have been party to a dysfunctional relationship or witness to a terrible alliance from a distance. I am not talking strictly about things like betrayal, Cheating, Breakup or divorce. These are relatively easy to deal and one eventually gets over them (I hope). What I am discussing is a situation where one know that He/ She has made a wrong choice but now they are STUCK in a sub optimal alliance due to emotional or societal reason.

I know some cases first hand where people are not happy and are kind of dragging their lives. This is truer of Indian context where social cost /stigma of a failed alliance are very high. We might have less than 2 % divorce rate in our country but if Happiness is the parameter of a successful marriage than I am pretty sure that more than 50% of alliance in our generation and generation before that will be classified as sub optimal if not downright failure . And it’s not hard to spot them, especially in small town India where your life is pretty much a open book. Being witness to such stories makes one afraid and skeptical of whole notion of marriage. Though people might not articulate it that way and no one has systematically studied and measured it but my hunch is that this factor alone is the biggest contributor to the initial seeding of the idea of remaining single.

Money: by money I mean access to resources, access to discretionary residual income. This allow a fall back option. This provides a scope of experimentation in life. For better or worse ours is the first generation in India to experience this. Our parent’s generation was in a "survival mode" for much of their life. Reflection & experimentation was a luxury they couldn't have afforded. Since they never had to deal with these issues so they have very little of wisdom to share with us on them. Ergo ours is a generation suffering from a sort of identity crisis. Since they are not sure "Who they are” and "what they want to do with their life” so it’s kind of tough for them to decide "who they want to marry”.

Denial: Access to money also gives a sense of entitlement & [false] self sufficiency. A flaunted indifference to our surrounding. Often time it tricks you to believing that we don't really need anyone to lead a happy life. More than anything it allows you to re enforce & glorify your denials by external artifacts. Things like Cars, job, salary, luxury holiday or what have you. I have seen that most lonely person is the one who have got most things to show off. They still need to connect, they still need to validate themselves but they are in denial of the same and there is a whole industry out there to help them do it in style. This is most visible in educated elites with a thriving professional life but a less than happy personal life. Such people have very little room for accommodating someone else in their life.

Rigidity: The older we get, more rigid we become in our ways of doing things, in our world view and gradually lose the ability to adopt. And in our heart we know that we are losing it. We are becoming irrational and may be too rigid for our own good. We also know that any relationship involve adjustment and adaptation .so we are kind of afraid to get in to any such institution to began with. What’s funny is that I have friends who tell me that “I am single because no one can live with me? I am temperamental and irrational. People eventually want to change me and I don't want to change...blah ...” bullshit. My standard follow-up question: " At the end of the day Are you happy being irrational temramental ....blah blah blah. Will you be happy if you find someone who is absolutely fine with this”Standard Answer without a single exception” No. I am not happy but isn't I am too old to change now? Can I change at this age? " .

What a pity! This is plain inertia of habits, a comfort zone where you are comfortable, Alone, Accepted, sub optimal and single. I advice them to get out of it ASAP. But till this day without exception no one has followed or even considered my suggestion.

Finally I believe there is statistics at works. It’s a known fact that in every generation a certain % of population remains single. In the same way as in every generation a certain % of people are homosexuals. Our generation is not an exception in that respect. What’s different in our case is that thanks to technology we are super connected and constantly in touch with people who in past we would probably have lost touch with. My dad doesn’t know where his school time friends are and if any of them is still single. But I know. So this phenomena of single hood is somewhat more observable now a days ergo it’s being talked about more. But knowing a statistical truth is one thing and being a data point in that statistics is totally different and somewhat painful thing. That brings me to the most painful part of being a single guy (or girl for that matter). That is dealing with your parents. No matter how educated or understanding your parents are there is one thing they are unable to accept.

“Not Everyone Get Married “.

पुष्प

2010-03-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

पीड़ा सी तुम कहराती हो , लज्जा सी तुम सकुचाती हो

बन कर आंसू तुम फूलों का ,टहनी पे ढलकी जाती हो

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो

तेरे आँचल के ढलने से , रात्री के कालिख धुलती है

पा कर के तेरा सरस स्पर्श ,मेरी पंखुरियां खुलती है

अंगडाई ले कर उठता है , चिर निद्रा में सोया संसार

तेरी बूंदों का अमृत रस, करता उसमे जीवन संचार

रात्रि की भटकी नौका को , सागर तट से मिलवाती हो

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो

दिन मुझे आमंत्रित करता है , कलरव् से कोलाहल से

छूती मुझको तमहर किरणे , छन कर आती तेरे आँचल से ,

जीवन गाथा का खल नायक , वो दिनकर मुझे जगाता है

पर उसे छुपा में देता हूँ , ढक कर पलकों के बादल से

फिर तुम आ कर ओ निशिगंधा , मिटटी की महक बढाती हो

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो

मंदिर से उठती शंख ध्वनी , मस्जिद से उठती एक अजान

मुझे तोड़ने को बढ़ते , दोनों के अनुयायी महान

गुंजन कर आता भ्रमर पुंज ,लेने मुझ से मेरा पराग

प्रेमी ले जाते तोड़ मुझे , फिर गाते अपना प्रेम राग

चाहे जो अंतिम यात्रा हो , तुम धो कर के मुझे सजाती हो

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो

बहती थी बन के जल धरा , तुम इस धरती के आंगन में

में सुखी कंटक झाड़ी था ,जीवन रूपी इस उपवन में

देखा जब तुमने मुझको , नव जीवन का प्रसार हुआ

उस प्राण दात्री शक्ति से , इस पागल मन को प्यार हुआ

पर तेरा मेरा मेल कहाँ ,तेरे चाहत वो बादल था

वो रहने वाला नभतल का , मेरा घर तो ये धरातल था

देखा मैंने बस दूर खड़े , तुम कैसे वाष्पीकृत थी हुई

पाली तुमने अपनी चाहत , बादल से एकीकृत थी हुई

पर रखने को तुम दिल मेरा , चुपके से झलक दिखाती हो ,

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो

Pic Credit : PJR 74

On Calculative People

2010-03-04T05:14:00.000-08:00

"You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ”

Truman Capote in Breakfast At Tiffany's

There are many side effects of being good at penmanship but one of the most taxing of them is the constant stream of request you receive from friends and family to help them with their docs. I can't count how many speeches ,CVs ,Cover letters,SOP,party invitations, Resignation Letter and farewell speech I have ghost written . In my college days I used to be a busy man writing Valentine cards and love notes during V Day and Friendship Days. I used to enjoy it initially, It got somewhat mechanical later on but i keep on complying with requests as my schedule and energy allowed. However I was under the impression that I have seen all sort of request . So I was pleasantly surprised when I received an unusual request from an ex colleague of mine .She pinged me couple of month back.We weren't in touch for long time .We used to work together long back , when I was fresh out of college. I had a vague recollection of her.A sweet little non descriptive girl of fair skin tone . somewhat shy but ambitious and hardworking. She had borrowed my copy of Pickwick Paper and returned it only when i explicitly asked for it (twice) while leaving job. She had pinged me because she wanted me to help her with filling up registration form on matrimonial website. This was new to me . So I agreed to help her in exchange of a weekend breakfast at Kaffia . so we meet at appointed hour , after 10-20 minute of catching up and remembering the good time at out first jobs . we got down to business . that's when I realized that I was in for some rude shock.

Deal was that I will provide the appropriate words, some well written broad theme for write up , some quotes and She will fill in the details.She pulled out her notepad and we started with writing brief indicative words to highlight desired personality traits for potential partner. she explained that she is a shy, reclusive , un reasonable at times , moody ,rude with a me first attitude (only child syndrome at work here) so She wants some one who is socially charming , not very assertive ,who pamper her and don't think too much of her action .to quote her verbatim "you know na ..husband material ..not an intellectual type.just put it in such words that it doesn't come across like a pappu,rest I will handle" . She had done her research right , she said that she want some one who is professionally accomplished but not aggressive . To my great surprise she said (and i am quoting her verbatim)"Guys from infy and programmer type because they are "manageable" MBA type are not Manageable". (Holy God!!) .

In short she was looking for someone who can put up with her abuse , Human equivalent of a doormat. while I appreciated her honesty and clarity of thought but I was amused to see her line of thinking .I looked at her, wide eyed.

"What ? Why you are looking at me like that ?" She said

"Well Nothing .. nothing just a bit surprised to hear your thought I guess " I said

"You think I am acting mean , scheming and calculative don't you ? " she asked with a total calmness

"Yes ..In a way" I said as politely as possible.

"I guess I am , All my friends say i am difficult person and I don't have many friends.I know myself, I am spoiled by my parents I want same from my partner.its too late for me to change and I think I am not asking for too much I can find someone". She said ..nonstop seemingly talking to justify herself to herself.

"Ya you can always find a sucker" I said attacking her on personal front .I shouldn't .

"Sucker ?? You call it sucker ? I think its compatibility . I will be compatible with a person like that " She said.

"Yeah,Like a crack head is compatible with drugs. That's not compatibility.its a type of hopeless dependence,an addiction,and trust me it will only get worse as year roll on" I said

"see you can deny right now ..if you feel like its beneath your dignity " She said ,clipping me off in the middle of sentence .

I didn't deny , maybe because it would have been very awkward , may be because of some social rule of politeness drilled in to my head or may be because something in me told me that She don't believe it .she is just being "practical" .

" Have you wondered how your spouse will feel about it ? if he got to know why you choose to marry him ? " I enquired

"He will never know .Actually That's why I asked you to help, I can't talk all this to my immediate social circle , we hardly talk na so you are just like stranger " She said with a apologetic smile . I was fucked in day light on breakfast table .

"I feel like a pen whore hired in exchange for a breakfast" I said sarcastically ( It Cost 150 INR in case you are interested).

I wasn't very keen to help her now . I was feeling like a fellow conspirator , helping her to set a trap of word to lure someone . but romantic in me somewhere believe that she was just overwhelmed by the social pressure and anxiety associated with wedding so against my better judgment I tried to explain implication of her action .

"You are not understanding the long term effect of your choice here " I said, in a big brother tone " from your way of speaking it looks like that you won't be respecting this person very much . you are starting the process with a compromise . is it a good idea ? seriously ? why would you like to spend your life with someone you don't respect and who don't inspire you .from what little I remember of our time together you used to be very inspired by our MD, he was your role model. he was not at all like that" I guess I was trying to reproach her .

"You don't understand how things are . I read your blog you are a romantic . I am not . Life run like that only .no one is perfect ."she said with firm conviction.

"Well if your are OK with imperfect Life than you are living one right now ..why you want to drag someone into it " I was agitated.

"See if you don't wanna help me ,say so. I don't want a lecture" She was visibly upset and uncomfortable.

"All right. I will " I said and for next 20 minute or so helped her in drafting some content . it was mechanical ,a formality because I was stuck there .She knew it too. We bid adieu after that . I doubt I will see her again any time soon. I am sure that I am not getting invited to her wedding .I didn't finished the breakfast too .

I decided to take a walk home . during that 5 Km walk from Kafia to my place I was thinking about her . I realized that Her flaw was that she was naive enough to admit her ulterior motives wasn't verbose enough to sugarcoat it . but fundamentally her line of thinking was not very different from many folks I encountered in life .some of them were very close to my heart .

Strangely I thought of my fave romantic movie "serendipity ". I remembered that about a year and half back a friend had asked me that "Why i like the movie so much ? how its different from any other nicely done love story" . I had no convincing answer to him at that time . But today I have . In that movie protagonist Jonathan Trager calls off his wedding even when he know that he won't be getting his soul mate . same was the case with female lead . they both realised that they don't love the person they are going to marry .so they act honest to other person and call things off . eventually find each other in a serendipitous way . they were not calculative. They were true to them self . That's what I like about the movie .I was happy that my gut reaction in cafe was in line with my inner standard of morality .

I know Life is not a movie. I know that serendipity is a very uncertain approach to life . but for now I choose it over being calculative.for my Ex colleague , I hope good sense prevail to her and she change her prespective . I have one last thing to say to girls (and boys) like her and its based on my personal experience " Every human being have a breaking point , everyone develop a spine, a backbone over a course of time and when HE/She will develop that your calculation will fail you. Make your choices carefully"

Randall Munroe

2010-02-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

As most of my friends know that I am a HUGE fan of XKCD comics . I can identify with many of the situation dipicted in it . Its book marked on my Nokia E63 browser so that I can kickstart my day with a dose of Its special Geeky humor. But much as i love the comic I never really goggled for the man behind it . so today evening with nothing to do and with no date for Valentine Day ( Life is a bitch !!!) I started reading XKCD archives and casually googled for the guy . So his name is Randall Munroe , an interesting guy indeed . I stumbled upon his talk at Googleplex . It s a funny discussion for XKCD Fans . you should watch it . video is embedded below .

this talk is spontaneous with some really light moment sprinkled throughout . I was surprise to see that even Donald Knuth , legendary computer scientist and aothor of most authentic book on algorithm is also an XKCD Fan . He was there at talk .Knuth was one aweinspiring figure for me in my college days . Knuth's book gave me a hard time in college. whenever I opened it I felt like shit . I will read it ( and understand it too ) one day ~~sooon~~ . Its a personal goal I had set for me long back.It was kinda good to see that Knuth had a sense of humor . So enjoy the video . and if you are uninitiated in XKCD than here are few of my fave scripts from it. Best of XKCD . Enjoy !!

After Peter Thiel , Aaron Swartz , Kara Swisher , Sean Parker ,V.S.Ramachandran, and William Deresiewicz , Randall Munroe is also on my list of people to meet whenever i visit US.Amen!!

निशब्द

2010-01-25T05:52:00.000-08:00

देखा था उसको बचपन में , पाठशाला के आँगन में
वो भैया के संग आती थी , छुप छुप के मिटटी खाती थी.
काजल से सनी आँखे मोटि, वो लाल रिबन और दो चोटी
मेरे मन को बड़ी भाति थी ,जब बात करो तुतलाती थी,
सोची ना कभी कोई बात ओछी, सिर्फ एक बार उसकी नाक पोछी
में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा , और प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए ,वो फिर से मिली , लगती थी कुछ बदली बदली
वो संस्कृत मुझे पढ़ाती थी , खुद को मैडम कहलाती थी .
में जब उससे चांटा खता था , तो अगले दिन ना नहाता था
मेने संस्कृत में टॉप किया ,किस्मत ने प्लान फ्लॉप किया
वो जॉब छोड़ कर चली गयी , मेरी महनत यूँ छली गयी
में शंकित ,मोहित , स्त्ब्थ रहा , और प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए , हम किशोर हुए ..आस पास वालों से बोर हुए
हम थे योवन की चोखट पे , जब देखा उससे चित्र पट पे
वो बेल सद्रश्य बल खाती थी , नायक से चिपटी जाती थी
बारिश में गाना गति थी , ना पूछो क्या क्या कर जाती थी
मेने नायक को कॉपी किया ,पर बन ना सका उसका पिया
में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा , और प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा .

कालेजे आया हम युवा हुए , लगता था जैसे खुदा हुए
हमारे दिल में एक सपना था , हमने दुनिया को बदलना था
हम तडित मेघ सुनामी थे , बदनाम बहुत पर नामी थे
हम थे बड़े क्रांति कारी , वो आयी बनके विपदा भारी

आँखे उसकी नूरानी थी ,वो पापा की गुडिया रानी थी .
कॉलेज में जब वो आती थे , शर्माती थी सकुचाती थी ,
किसी से भी नहीं बतियाती थी , और मुझे देख मुड जाती थी .
था उसमे ऐसा आकर्षण , जैसे के दिन की पहली किरण
में प्रिंसिपल से लड़ जाता था , पर उससे देख हकलाता था
में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा , और प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा .

फिर दिन बीते में बड़ा हुआ , आपने पेरो पे खड़ा हुआ
देखी जीवन की धुप छांव , फिर आयी वो चंचला दबे पाँव.
अब मिली मुझे वो , मत पूछो कहाँ , में उसे पा नहीं सकता जहाँ
अब मैंने जब उसको देखा , तो देखी एक लक्ष्मण रेखा
है किसी और के वो संग खड़ी , बातें करती है बड़ी बड़ी
जीवन का अर्थ समझाती है , पर देख तिमिर डर जाती है
मेने ना कभी इज़हार किया , उसने ने ना कभी इंकार किया
में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा , और प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा .

अब दिन ढलता है कार्यालय में , और रात कटे मदिरालय में
अब इनकम टैक्स में भरता हूँ , प्रति वर्ष तीस प्रतिशत मरता हूँ
एक दिन केश राशी ,झड जायेगी और तोंद बहार आ जायेगी
एक छवि मुझे सतायेगी , रातों में मुझे जगाएगी
क्यों शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा , क्यों प्रेम मेरा निशब्द रहा .

This is something I wrote this weekend . a poem partially inspired by real life . It document my search for perfection . I hope you like it .

Year 2009 In Books

2010-01-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

Book Review and Travelogue are two things that I never did on Knowprashant . which is a bit strange as reading and travelling are my passion.so when two of my fave blogger Aaron Swartz and Paul Buchheit published their reading list for 2009( Link Link ) I was very much delighted to read them . I spotted some good books there which i would have missed other wise . I will be ordering them in months to come.

One thing I liked about those posts was the sheer rawness of the list . There was just the name of book , link to amazon page with an occasional line or two thrown in stating blogger's opinion but by and large you have to do your own research and make your own judgement .which is a good thing cause Books are very subjective things . its subjective narration of something from author's point of view and its subjective interpretation of the same thing by lens of reader's perception. you and I might like the same book but how it effect you might be very different from how it shape me .

so I decided to compile a list of books i read in year 2009 with a few lines about them . i hope you find some good stuff here . (BTW here I would like to mention that there is a new website in India by name of Flipkart most of these books are available there and at a good discount .I have ordered 5 books from their and I am very happy with their service .They are AMZ of india .Do check them out )

1.In Search of Identity an Autobiography by Anwar El Sadat former president of Egypt . I first got to know about this book while reading Seven Habit of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey refereed to Mr.Sadat as a man who helped himself transform by sheer force of will. Book is good , straight forward and best part is when author talks about his time in prison . diplomatic shrewdness of Sadat is documented in brutal honesty when he talk about his experience of dealing with Soviet Russia and Swedge canal issue . I recommend it .Score 6 /10 .

2 Barking by Tom Holt : A work of contemporary fiction where a submissive attorney from London suddenly finds himself amongst his school mates who transform him into Weer wolf , than he discover his wife is a vampire and Ex employer is a zombie. its funny and a bit gripping in the start but gets boring toward the end . good for in flight reading. Score 4/10.

3 Simulacra and Simulation By Jean Baudrillard :Its one of the very few e books i read and trust me this book was scary like hell. its a deeply philosophical book about the nature of reality and how we in modern world are totally separated from an objective reference of real and living is a simulacrum . this book was inspiration behind Matrix movies . It was originally written in French so English translation is a little TOO verbose and hard to understand .Honestly I don't claim to understand it fully but whatever little i understood was enough to shake me . Recommended if you are in to philosophy Score 8.5/10.

4 Journey to the source : Dr. Pradheep Chhalliyil . a Book about Matrix Trilogy and how vedic mythology and Upanishads have influenced it . a great read from Matrix Fan .A fascinating introduction to hidden symbolism in movie I enjoyed reading it .you might not find it that good . make sure you have watched trilogy 10 times before you open the book . you will find it un putdownable : score 5/10.

5 Logic of Life by Tim Harford : A good book about an economist's view on how our hidden rationality dictates our day to day decision making .worth reading once . Score : 6/10.

6 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes : A funny book about the adventure of a middle aged knight in search of adventure . I read it before heading out on journey to Himalayas this year. I am glad I did that . Score 7/10 .

7 Autobiography of a Yogi : By Swami Paramhans Yogananda : A fascinating account of life story of a hindu yogi.This book dispel the myth that our Hindu religion is all about faith without any scientific basis . With humor, wisdom, and heart, Yogananda relates the extraordinary events of his life. But those events serve as a mere instrument for conveying sublime truths-truths expressed in such clear language that everyone can grasp them. you will not be bored reading this book that in itself is a big achievement for a book dealing with the subject of spirituality , philosophy and religion . Recommended reading : A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it .Score 8/10

8 Siddhartha By Hermann Hesse :This was the book of year for me in more than one way . I have read it twice. all i can say is that after reading it I felt that I should have read it few years back I would have been a different person today . Drop me a line in comment if you want me to buy this book for you I Will be more than happy to do that .seriously .A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it Score : 9.5/10

9 Man's Eternal Quest : by Swami Paramhans Yogananda . A collection of essays / talks given by Swami Yogananda about Life ,Truth , search of God ,Philosophy , Non Dualism , Joy etc. Good read if you are into spirituality ans stuff . I read it as i was fascinated by the author after reading his auto biography.

10.The Game by Neil Strauss: This is an outstanding book . on the face of it its just a autobiographical account of authors experience with the underground community of pickup artists . but under the surface this book teach every MAN an essential lesson of Self Worth and confidence . This is a very controversial book and some women might be (rightly) offended by the content of this book .Author's description of Women's behavior is less then flattering but as author says in the book that at the end its a story of a guy who rewire his DNA and transform in to something of a girl magnet .This book teaches that external validation NEVER leads to self confidence it only creates dependency .its a Bestseller in all markets and every character in the book has made a booming business of workshops and seminar on the art of pickup .I can bet there will be a movie on this book very soon . Trust me its INR 600 well spent . Score :9/10

11 Hitch hiker's Guide to Galaxy Part 1,2,3,4,5 : by Douglas Adams :: I wanted to read this series for a long time but somehow never got around doing that so when I saw the 5 book set on 60% discount I had no choice but to buy it . Its a funny book . you can't help smiling on authors way of describing events . I am literally in love with a character named Marvin, a paranoid robot. every paragraph of Marvin was a laughing riots . One thing you realize while reading these books is that how arrogant we as a species are about our place in universe .Universe is so mindbogglingly big . we are just another species here . this book looks at our life , tradition, ritual from the view point of interstellar traveller . i liked the section where a tribe adopts modern management methods to evolve . this book was like no other book i read before .Light reading, a lot of fun and new perspective . Read all 5 of them its worth it . Score 8/10

12 Jonathan Livingstone Seagull : By Richard Bach It was on my reading list for a long long time .I was pleasantly surprised to receive it as a birthday present . A good allegorical story about the importance of following your heart's dream and doing what you believe in . It inspired me . Score 5/10.

13 The Language Instinct : Steven Pinker : A good book if you are in to how we learn , epistemology and stuff , this deal with the debate about Language and how each one of us is born with a capacity /instinct for it . its not something we learn from external world . good stuff . Score 5/10 .

14 Alice In Wonderland : Lewis Karol: Need i say something about this beautiful work ? Its timeless , simple and insightful . I am not good enough to rate or review it .

15 dot bomb : David Kuo a typical story of rise and fall of a start up in dot com bubble of 90s .I still don't know why i spent 100 INR on this book . only lesson i learned is that never buy book if its available on sale with drastic discount . score 2/10

16 The Secret : Rhonda Byrne : A VERY good book if you don't take the teachings too literally and make it an excuse for inertia and inaction. Law of attraction works . I have felt it . but Law of attraction is no excuse for inactivity you will still have to do the hard work . no silver bullet here in that sense . score 6/10

17 The Well Beloved : Thomas Hardy : This book was a gift and a very good gift .I never thanked the person so here is a formal "Thank You" . This book marks my return to reading of classics after a gap of few years .Its a story of an artist who spend his life in search of perfect lover and Finlay dies . I felt bad to read the climax. I sometime worry that the book might be prophecy .because the person who gifted this to me believe in prophecy and fate . Score 7/10

18 The 38 Laws of Persuasion : Robert Green :: Still reading ,good so far very interesting.

19 The Choice By Eli Goldratt Disclaimer: I love author's way of thinking and often try to mimic his approach in my day to day life ,with certain degree of success i guess . if you want to buy this book i recommend please read The Goal by same author first .Score 8/10

20 Kamayani : Jai Shankar Prasad : One of the best Hindi Epic ever written . its a writing about creation and elements of creation and human emotions. Jaishankar Prasad's description of women is nearest to what i am seeking in a partner ( asking for too much Huh ??) Score :8/10.

21 Sri Ramakrishna: A Prophet for the New Age by Richard SchiffMan ( currently reading) borrowed this from a freind I have no intention of returing it . Tood good a book .

22 Thus Spoke Zarthushtra : Friedrich Nietzsche : To deep and philosophical .I was not in a good frame of mind when I read it so i am not forming any opinion about it . will re read it . keep watching this space.

23 Man The unknown : By Alexis Carrel bought but couldn't finish . still half read .

24 2 States : Chetan Bhagat :A very Light hearted read about authors semi autobiographical account of convincing his parents for a cross cultural wedding .I like the simplicity of chetan's writing and his sense of humor . Score 5/10

25 Twilight : All right I admit I bought it shuffled through first 50 pages or so . couldn't understand what the hell was so special about it . apart from the fact that there is a boy who love to drink women's blood (Its usually other way round in real life ) . Luckily I had to go for a Birthday party in neighbourhood so i got this shit gift wrapped and gave it to a school going girl . Needless to say it was her fave gift this year . Weird World !!

26 Madhushala : re read it . Need i say something about it ?

27 Ignore Everybody :BY Hugh Macleod This book is based on the hugely popular essay "How to be creative " by Hugh MacLoad . I have read this essay for more than 50times online I still bought this book only for the purpose of gifting it to a friend. but ended up reading it one more time in print :) .You can read the transcript free online . Score 9/10.

28 Kill Bill Screenplay : read it online .good if you like the movie. Score 5/10.

29 Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau :This was the book which inspired me to go to Himalaya . My friend Nilesh Trivedi suggested this to me . Good stuff something which make you see the rampant absurdity of life around us and make you think about your priority in life .Score 7/10.

pic credit sunnyflag

Transformations

2010-01-07T23:22:00.000-08:00

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen

Douglas Adams In Hitch Hikers Guide To Galaxy

Something big has happened in protagonist’s life. He has been beaten by Mafia ,Loan shark of his village has auctioned his farm, His girlfriend has ditched him ,his father has been killed by goons, his mother died of cancer, his wife was gang raped by relatives or His sister has been burned by her inlaws. Details of events are inconsequential what matters is that its A turning point in his life .His whole world, his perception of reality, his value system ,is undergoing a tectonic shift . He is visibly shaken but he takes it very bravely. And Why not ? After all he is our HERO and this fact alone guarantee his survival .

An upbeat music start playing in background. Our protagonist start running . a montage of images from his past life start flashing on the screen . A globe start revolving , hands of an old Victorian wall clock start ticking , pages from calendar start moving in a rapid succession . Covering a journey of few years in few celluloid seconds. By the time music reaches to crescendo Our protagonist is transformed . If he was a kid few min back He truns in to a MAN (a well established policeman, industrialist or gangster depending on the demand of script . )

His past avatar is not dead we are told. Its buried somewhere deep inside him . He is living in a self imposed denial .He tries his best to disconnect himself from past but invariably his past catches up with him toward the end of the movie . Again depending on the demand of script A lot of drama or action follows .protagonist either settle some long overdue score or reconcile with others character and in Very few rare instances manage to get himself killed .But invariably He ALWAYS manage to prove his point .Family and police arrive and we start waiting for end credit .Movie is over .

When it comes to transformation only Vampire , Unicorn and Werewolf can match our Bollywood Heroes and thanks to the staple diet of Bollywood movies most of us get in our formative years .our idea of transformation is something like what I described above. But I have come to believe that THIS conception of transformation is precisely the reason why we rarely get to see a FUNDAMENTAL transformation in people around us. In majority of the cases people don’t change . Not in any basic ,tectonic way as shown in movies . Life progress in a linear fashion till the day we die . Future , in most of cases is Past continuous tense . They want to change but they can’t .

Why ?

Most of us don’t acknowledge the effect movies have on collective psyche. We despise the idea that we can be manipulated in to thinking something by a movie. Some of us can’t, but most of us can be manipulated and are being manipulated. So if you are one of those pseudo intellectual who love to fancy himself as someone who is in control of his/her life and you are beyond the scope of being manipulated (or even influenced) by anything. Then do me a favor. Move on .there is nothing here for you . I won’t even attempt to explain anything to you. Rest of you..read on

The modus operandi of transformation shown in movies is not wrong .the problem is that in order to make it work we need to comply with it underlying premises .which is very hard .sometime because these premises are not obvious and some time because its not humanly possible for us to follow them.

First premise is that protagonist knows that THIS is the turning point .He can see everything as black and white .There is no confusion about the intent and character of people around him . Good and bad stand apart from each other. Unfortunately Real life don’t work that way. We are never sure of the intentionality of evil . We always tend to think of evil act of our peers as some sort of circumstantial breach of trust .After all, these are the very people who were good to us in another place and time . add to this the prevalent popular wisdom of not being judgmental which is pushing our whole generation into the realm of quasi nihilism. Fact is that sometime you need to decide ,some time you Need to be judgmental. Funny thing is that almost each one of us is passing judgment all the time but since its not fashionable we just don’t stand for it .We don’t want to pay the price for it . ergo only time we act on our judgment is when we do some thing cunning or calculative . Transformation never happens out of calculation . That’s not the path of protagonist that’s a shortcut to mediocrity .

Second premise which goes unexamined (or underestimated ) is of effect of time . Time can heal anything . its true .time not only heal but it also makes us stale ,we loose our steam. Perhaps that’s the reason our new year resolution don’t last . Most of us tend to forget very easily and most of us love the cozy conformity of routine. While our heroes manage to keep the fire burning for a long time but we give up somewhere in between . Nothing brings down the moral of a soldier than fatigue .we often underestimate the need of perseverance in transformation.

Along with time, success also play a catalytic role in deciding whether we actually transform ourselves or not . Funny part is that most of the time we give up after the first brush of success in our quest .Its hardship which keep us going . As they say Good is often the biggest enemy of best . Sadly our first validation is also the first(potential) nail in coffin of our ambition. I think I felt it for the first time when I was in 12^th standard I was amongst the top 3 of my class. Everyone was sure that I can crack engg entrance easily . I bought in to the story and appeared in exam and cleared it . My plan was to skip classes in first year and enroll in IIT JEE coaching but I was somewhat enamored by all the appreciation I was getting from family ,friends and relatives . Complacency creped in and against my better judgment I decided to settle for engineering course .I regret it till this day .

But I might not be a worthy example. So I request you to test it your self . Go pick up biography of ANY revolutionary/Iconoclast you admire. I can bet that there will be a passage in the story where establishment presented a temptation of inclusion to him and He refused .That’s the reason their stories are being read today. Most of us get tired and give up to the first temptation of Inclusion . That’s the reason no one will read our biography (they might read our blog . I hope J ) . From Aristotle to OSHO and from Charles Darwin to Richard Dawkins this is the case .Real challenge of a transformation is not hardship of battle. it’s the complacency of initial success .

Last thing we don’t notice is that often times we derive our motivation from a desire to prove a point . its external and what make it worse is that often time it lies in humans .We want to prove something to our peers. But unlike the movies there will not be a reunion of all the character toward the end of our lives . We realize that no one actually gives a shit . The very people who caused the turmoil have became a distant and passive observer NOW. Busy in their lives. Circle of their lives are concentric to us but they don’t merge in spiral .Since as a hero we have to prove a point we see it clearly that it won’t be happening no matter what. Often time we give up our quest on realizing that. Of all the reason I mentioned above this is the best reason to give up . Life is too precious to waste it proving a point to someone who don’t care .

Epilogue :

It’s the time of year when we all make our NEW year resolutions. I haven’t made any resolution this time. But if you are making any resolution than I hope that this post be of some use to you. I wish you a Very Happy and Prosperous new year . Good Luck and Godspeed!!

Pic Credit : YellowCakeMushroom

Nice Guy Syndrome

2009-12-06T00:32:00.000-08:00

A woman has a close male friend.he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

DragonflyBlade21 at BASH.org

Couple of days back a college time buddy of mine called me after a long time.His wife (who was also our classmate) has asked him to call me. They were based at USA and they had just returned from an All Indian get together where they had watched "Wake up Sid" on their host's home theater system. She said Ranveer Kapoor's character and mannerism reminded her of me . Needless to say I was Instantly inflated and asked "Oh really ! Do I look like him ?" ." No ! Dumbo , its not about looks its about mannerism "She replied.(My Ex would have agreed with the dumbo part).

Though I was kinda disappointed to know the finer points of her compliment, still It gave me a hope that something in me stand a chance to get a Hot Bong chick like Konkana Sen someday. for now It looks like I would have to settle for a lot less. Anyway after 30 Min of who-is-where-doing-what catching up .They enquired about the state of my romantic life (Ah! finally I found someone who gives a shit ). I said its OK, a bit like IRAQ after US attack, ravished but trying to resurrect and at times missing Saddam Hussien.

"That's sad ..But you know something ?that's what happen to Nice guys ..Always..without fail" She said . That was followed by a rare event when a woman said something which every man from Adam onward has been wondering ."I don't know how girls think" She said .

For the record I don't know that either .And this post is not about neuro anatomical functioning of half of the world population . Its about the observation my friend made about nice guys. They are indeed unlucky with girls. She is not alone in thinking that. As it turns out this is a consistent observation across geographies.Many amongst us have tried to decipher it . It won't be an exaggeration If I say that It has acquired status of a pseudo science. so much so that New Scientist has an article which quotes a research to argue that when it comes to dating their is a contradiction between stated preference of women and their Actual choice.

They prefer to date so called bad guys. nice guys are often "just Friends" material who with a little bit of luck might hope to be "transition man" for their Female friends. nothing more than that . Academics call it "Nice Guy Syndrome" . I have seen it happening way too many times . I agree with the observation but often time I find the conclusions of these article to be incomplete. So here is two cents on this topic.

Nice Guys :

Lets deal with the easy part first.I might be disappointing a lot of my brothers by saying this but in majority (not all) of the cases these so called "Nice guys" are not Nice in true sense of word.their nice act don't originate from a genuine niceness from with in but their chivalry is driven by a desire to fit in,to validate them self. They are subconsciously dependent and insecure whiners at Best and shrewed long term strategist at worst.

I have seen a lot of such specimen in my life. the insecure types keep on doing things for female friends and in the back of the mind they keep on accumulating some sort of Karma points which they think they can redeem on judgement day. so when like a hidden cost in credit card contract ,when female discover the finer point of "service" they are often shocked and forfeit the payback .they back out. guy's investment becomes Non performing asset. At that point These guys join the Nice guy brigade. "After all that I have done for her.......Bitch " goes their statement after the first brush of reality.

There is a sadder version of story too . In few cases girls say YES because they are unable to say No .They don't want to hurt him . After all He is a Nice Guy and nobody want to hurt a nice guy.Add to this a motley crew of girl's gossip loving friend( HE is invariably a Friend to them too) who will say some thing like " Now come on ..Look how cute He is and HE care for you too" or "Decide fast or I will gona grab him " (Yea that's why he is still single) . This cute-caring logic is a pure bullshit .I care for Katrina Kaif and I am cute too (see above ) . I guess All I need now is bunch of her friends to lobby for me. wish me luck.

My observation is that This kind of cute ness infected association are usually not long lasting .a little change of surrounding a new city ,a new job, a new school or new friends and puff....there goes the ~~clutter~~ romance.

Other kind of nice guys are the strategist . They are dangerous and should be avoided at all cost. Ever heard the campus rumor where a female broke up with Her long standing relationship and her BEST friend was there to "Support" her in difficult times ? Well the Truth is that in all probability This best friend is usually a big contributor to her difficult time . He is the self serving catalyst who fuel the petty difference /spats of couple. when these differences pile up They are always there to listen to them and agree with Her unconditionally.Their claim to fame is that They "understand her ". which is absurd ( come think of it.Can anyone ever understand her?? ).

Trust me on this I know a case where a south Indian guy with zero knowledge of Hindi used to sit down and listen to the Hindi rants of a UP girl who couldn't speak basic English .Best part is that HE was able to "understand" . Love can over come any barrier it seems.

This is not to say there are not good guys around . There are and they also screw up the things too. Problem with genuinely nice guys is that they are ..Well Nice. They are always trying to reconcile their desires with their moral standards. Am I acting selfish ? Am I good enough ? is it right to feel this way ? . Yes you ARE Horny Buddha of our age .Now go do something to fix it.In their quest for a life of higher morals they start denial / justification of their feelings .This results in a person being more anxious around someone he is trying to cultivate a relationship with. they Mask it under some stupid "friend " stuff. They try to fool themselves.Thanks to temptation of proximity to their object of desire, by the time they realize the nature of their endeavour they become as manipulative and deceitful as the other guys discussed above. My heart goes for such folks .

Its very hard to tell the difference. one possible indicator is guy's behavior out side of romantic context . How He deal with people he is not romantically inclined to . I am not saying that he should treat everyone in same way .There SHOULD be SOME deviation,some special allowance for partner. But too much of deviation and there is a problem.As they say in England Someone who is nice to you but rude to waiter is not a nice person . Other definitive indicator is Friction . a genuinely nice guy would give You a friction once in a while. The REAL Nice guy would stand up against you for principals. A subtle indicator is their approach . I have seen that a real nice guy would tell his feelings to come clean of guilt , to stop being two faced, not for the purpose of knowing your response. This is not to say that their guilt is girl's obligation or it make them a better candidate . No its not like that . Its just an intention vector. YOU still have to choose .He can still be the wrong guy for you but He will not be BAD guy for sure.

Good Guy screw ya! and Bad guy screw ya ! and Rest of them don't know how to screw ya

Samantha Jones in Sex and the City

Now lets talk about the BAD Guys .He is the "Lucky Bastards" down the street.The guy with ear ring and ponytail. Jerk ,bully,non committal. He drinks , smokes and do fast bikes. He had 5 girlfriend in college. and all were Hot chicks. sounds familiar ? Meet The Bad guy . Now who gave him this label? His Ex Girlfriends and Nice guys . I admit that most of BAD guys are BAD in True sense .But their "Achievement" are generally exaggerated . We are often very selective in our observation.

Lets talk of statistics first . The assertion that they get more girls. well they get more girls because they try more .Do your math right . lets say I invest my energy in one girl at a time. so if I do not succeed, I fail 100%. My roommate, juggling four girls at any given time, fails only 25% whenever he is rejected. And even if both of us courts the same number of girls, he will have gone through his girls much faster than I. This alone gives him "more girls". plus when you are aiming for four girl its likely that you won't be emotionally invested in them . so it would be easy for you to move on .

However there is a lot of baggage which comes with being a BAD guy . But thanks to their arrogance "bad boys" are just themselves without reservation, for good or bad. in that narrow sense the bad boys seem more honest.At times their arrogance gets them laid. but most of the time it also get them in trouble.

So how come they end up getting girl.Well I don't claim that I know how it work with girls (who can ?) . My experience with them is fairly limited .I can count the number of girls I have dated on my left thumb and I can count the number of rejections I faced on remaining fingers of my left palm . But in spite of my limited exposure I can say that their is something weird about them and I am not talking of anatomy. I am talking about their whole approach toward the subject of relationship. like pseudo nice guys explained above , many girls ( not all) too fool/justify them self by self serving constructs .They are confused and indecisive .In fact some enjoy this a lot .and thanks to skewed gender ratio in educated young people they can easily afford to be that .Many of girls I know practically maintain a "buffer" of potential partners to choose from. They keep on doing things for her and she purposely pretend to be oblivious to the ulterior motives of the folks around her.

I guess some of the confusion and complication can be PARTIALLY attributed to our social structure.In spite of media propaganda about gender equality our society has yet to get rid of gender stereotype.We need to learn how to deal with an independent women.We assume and enforce the world view of female dependency. for instance I am 30 and still single cause I want to wait for the right sort of girl.But when it comes to my social acceptance my single hood is not a showstopper its only a minor nuisance. I doubt I could have afford to do that had I been a woman.I bet life would have been a hell and I would have well past my expiry date by now . By that logic dependability becomes a major factor for girls. Since social cost of a failed relationship is very high for women. and the power balance in relationship is inverted the moment they are committed. ergo they keep on delaying the decision and keep on enjoying the free lunch in the mean time. Eventually when they have to choose She can choose only one person so rest of the pack is bound to feel shortchanged and harbor bitterness.ergo Legend of a Bitch is born .

Labeling people is wrong and putting them in boxes is BAD. As a human we are evolving all the time .In due course of time both men and women realize that there's a difference between being a genuinely good man and just being a Nice Guy. so Nearly every sane woman over a certain age learns that what she wants is a good man, not a bad boy or a nice guy. What give them a bad name is the things they do in between .

So this was my take on the whole thing .As an alleged victim of Nice guy syndrome I admit that don't know how to deal with it so I am leaving that part as an exercises to readers.

The Sixth Sense

2009-11-21T17:08:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most exciting TED talk I have ever seen.

Update : here is an article debuking the greatness of talk . Link Its a very Good read. Lesson for me is that I should not get carried away with tech demoes .

On Heroes,Humans and Role Models

2009-11-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

A locomotive is moving. Someone asks: "What moves it?" A peasant says the devil moves it. Another man says the locomotive moves because its wheels go round. A third asserts that the cause of its movement lies in the smoke which the wind carries away.

The peasant is irrefutable. He has devised a complete explanation. To refute him someone would have to prove to him that there is no devil, or another peasant would have to explain to him that it is not the devil but a German, who moves the locomotive. Only then, as a result of the contradiction, will they see that they are both wrong. But the man who says that the movement of the wheels is the cause refutes himself, for having once begun to analyze he ought to go on and explain further why the wheels go round; and till he has reached the ultimate cause of the movement of the locomotive in the pressure of steam in the boiler, he has no right to stop in his search for the cause. The man who explains the movement of thelocomotive by the smoke that is carried back has noticed that the wheels do not supply an explanation and has taken the first sign that occurs to him and in his turn has offered that as an explanation.

The only conception that can explain the movement of the locomotive is that of a force commensurate with the movement observed.

The only conception that can explain the movement of the peoples is that of some force commensurate with the whole movement of the peoples.

Yet to supply this conception various historians take forces of different kinds, all of which are incommensurate with the movement observed. Some see it as a force directly inherent in heroes, as the peasant sees the devil in the locomotive; others as a force resulting from several other forces, like the movement of the wheels; others again as an intellectual influence, like the smoke that is blown away.

So long as histories are written of separate individuals, whether Caesars, Alexanders, Luthers, or Voltaires, and not the histories of all, absolutely all those who take part in an event, it is quite impossible to describe the movement of humanity

~ Leo Tolstoy In War & Peace

Prologue:

I have been on this planet for a little more than three decades now and I must admit that though I don't remember it in great detail now but I have good reason to believe that my experience during the first decade should have been the best .For ,after that I started indulging in a paranormal activity called Thinking. And That was a BIG mistake . Why ?? To answer that you need to know the nature of my indulgence . You see ,I have been trying to make sense of world and people around me and its taking longer than my initial estimate. There are many aspect of our existence which I don't understand. and whenever I try to go down the path of logic of what drives the thinking of my fellow humans I always come back empty handed .On every such attempt my faith in Darwin got reinforced.I am thoroughly convinced that We ARE descended from apes.

One damaging side effect of this habit is that often times it put you at odds with your peers .Specially When you are trying to argue a view point by rule of logic . So very often I discovered that like the man who attributed motion of locomotive to the movement of wheel ,inWar and Peace ,people around me start a discussion logically but their logic stops after a certain limit . its not that they are incapable of following the logic ( like in differential equation or advance Quantum physics ) its just that they are uncomfortable and unwilling to follow it . and if you try to tell them your reason they will listen to it,agree with your premise ,your hypothesis , your extrapolation but They will Dismiss the conclusion. I can understand it if agreeing to conclusion demand them taking any action. what make me sad is that even in purely theoretical , academic and intellectual discussion people flat out refuse to learn and acknowledge the finding.What make it worse is that after that point they try to throw personal insults to prove a point and win an argument .

If Brain is the source which moves our society and civilization then knowledge is the fuel which run it . Refusing to validating the knowledge and trivialization of seeker/pursuit of knowledge is bad and in some cases fatal for society . still I see this happening around me all the time . I used to wonder why ? I even used to ask it aloud but not anymore at least not very often . In very few cases I make an exception .This post is about one such case.

Context:

Few days back I was sitting in the company of few of my friends. We were having free flowing conversation about nothing specific . suddenly out of some random event out talk drifted toward a certain public figure ,a sportsman (lets call him Sir X) . Sir X is a well known name in world and often quoted as the best player the game ever had . I am no expert in that game ( or any game for that matter ) but still I will submit to you that the Sir X has earned his reputation , he has worked hard for it . During our conversation somebody in the room suggested that Sir X should be treated as a role model for future generation, not only in his area of expertise ( the game ) but also in every walk of life .

I politely tried to suggest that casting someone as a role model for young kids , that too in "EVERY WALK OF LIFE" is a very big decision . are you sure Sir X deserve that ? I tried to support my argument by quoting some well known incident where Sir X tried to evade tax on multiple occasion for an object of personal luxury and trying to modify a certain instrument of game for unfair advantage . I purposely quoted just two Factual and well documented incidents. so that their is no scope of ambiguity. I didn't even bought in the often discussed but inconclusive point about Sir X's affiliation toward individual performance at the cost of Team ( which i believe is just a matter of opinion and I defend Sir X there) .

My intention was to construct a complete picture so that we can choose carefully what we idolized for generation to come . But the reaction I got was surprising . from a non committal "Hmmm But ... " to " Lets not be judgmental " . I am accustomed to both but one of the person in room snapped back at me saying that

"HE is good because He will never react like you " . I admit that I was shocked and Hurt. I was Hurt both by her reaction and reaction (or lack of it ) of rest of the people in room . I was even more troubled by my own reaction , by the fact that these things STILL matter to me . I was under the impression that I am "Seasoned" after all My years here ( sorry for the style but I feel terribly alien to my peers when I think of these events ) . It seems like I will never be seasoned enough when it comes to two things

A) Ideas I am passionate about ( in this case KIDS and the environment we provide them )
B) People I care for (there were few in the room) .

But question still remains ? Why folks act the way they do ? and How can we solve this .

Specific Details of Sir X is irrelevant .. They are all around us . you can think of Sir X as

A certain veteran actor of Bollywood who falsely presented himself as farmer so that he can avail subsidy on land and buy it at low price which Ideally should have been given to a more needy person .He is a great actor .idealized by millions of Indians as role model.
A certain chief minister who go Tom Toming about Industrial progress in his area but at the same time he is mastermind behind biggest communal Massacre in recent history . Many amongst us believe that he should be India's president .He has created Biz friendly atmosphere in his state for sure . But does that qualify him as the best guy to RUN the country ? I don't think so.
All the investment banker in USA who took Bailout funds (Tax payer's money)from US Govt to save their arse and than they went on rewarding them self Hefty bonus while their countrymen were loosing their jobs . These guess have an air of self righteousness which is very similar to the one exhibited by my peers.

Truth be told ,for most of us if we want to see Sir X we need to look in mirror .there is a bit of Sir X in everyone us . Its in me for sure . only distinction i can possibly claim is that I am not in denial of it .

Another unfortunate aspect of this tendency is that how it rob the spotlight from more deserving people.who are actually doing something meaningful and they are consistent in their values.

Megha Patker ,NBA Activist .She was a gold medalist from Tata Institute of Social science. She could have picked up a well paying job at any corporate or UN agencies .She choose to fight for a cause . She is,as a TISS allumni told me at a Cocktail party, the only TISS graduate who is ACTUALLY making the difference. Now tell me how many time we hear about her ? Is she getting her due credit ? having had the honor of meeting her once I can tell you that she couldn't care less for it .She is one women with a mission .What a pity all we can think of social cause is some Beauty queen visiting Dharavi with a Team of Photographer .
Pullela Gopichand , The Badminton player who refused to endorse a Global Soft drink Brand because he himself don't drink it. What he got ? an Oblivion .
Keshub Mahindra , The Leading Industrialist from Mahindra Group who refused Padmabhushan saying that he don't deserve it because He was on the Board of Union Carbide at the time of Bhopal Gas Tragedy( Link). Its worth mentioning that He was a Board Member, a designation which doesn't entail any operational responsibility .Yet he didn't evaded the responsibility. That's a Gold standard one can set for himself and posterity.
E .Sreedharan Who after years of excellent work as Head of DMRC and Konkan Railway offered resignation after a mishap at Metro construction site which was clearly a mistake on part of vendor. He didn't choose to encash his past good work to sanction some mistake . His standard were not flexi.

Whenever I discuss these people and their work the response I get is "Uhh huh ..Here He goes again.." .Once a person said that "They are good , May be they are GOD .But you know what ? they are not cool " . May be He is right. consistency ..that too self imposed is not cool anymore .

Reflection

You can't deny other person's reality , you can only build upon it
~ Emily Levine in Trickster's Theory of Everything .

Human brain is gifted with a strange capability of constructing things. We look at one half of an object and in our brain we can see how an object will look like in full . this capacity of creating self fulfilling constructs is not only limited to physical universe . We do it all the time in the realm of thoughts , ideas ,values everything. Perhaps that is the reason why some of us fail to see the complete picture . Our schools don't teach us critical thinking they teach us facts .they don't teach us how to think they teach us What to think .That's why most of the time We work on a limited /Bounded rationality . That's why our logic stops the moment we enter a uncomfortable zone .Man is an rational animal .We are told .But this doesn't give us a free ride at rationalizing whatever We deem fit . What will happen to a world where everyone act in this manner? Where everyone is rationalizing the path of least resistance . Where everyone is governed by their basic instinct ,Convenience and will full ignorance ? That thought gives me a shudder .

But I have seen enough of world to know that I have to live with it . No One can be changed by preaching. Bhagwat Gita says that You are entitled to change only one person in this universe . You yourself .That too is a tough job. Herman Hesse Wrote a book to explain the same point . Although I try to present my point with all my energy but I don't harbor any illusion to be capable of changing any one's world view .I used to think I can but not anymore . But at the same time I know that everyone of my peers , whose behavior is troubling me right now will change their thoughts , in their own sweet time . I have seen it happening in some other context so I know it will happen here too . I might not be there to see it happening but I know it will happen someday .

That leaves with me with critical Question "How to act in a situation like that ? What should be my approach when I face a situation like the one I faced in the room that night? How can I fit in with the reality of my peers without denying it and Keep my version of reality intact ? I have no definite answer . I have a hunch .

Epilogue:

Regular reader of this blog know that I am very passionate about the kids and the effect society have on them in their formative years . I have talked about it in past . I might be paranoid about it and in all possibility I might be overreacting . But the fact is that We as a society don't pay much attention to the kind of environment we expose out children to . If every kid is our chance to change the world to a better place then I am very sorry to say that we are fucking our chance and we are fucking it badly .

First HERO a kid have is his parents.for better or worse there is not even a choice involved for both parties . Kid will see you as role model and He will imitate you in thought and action . Thats one BIG reason ( for there are many ) why I am still single and somewhat afraid of getting married . I don't see myself to be a good enough role model . for now I can only resolve to teach my kids to think critically and examine every thing presented to him . I will try not to impose my world view on him . I will try to teach him to create his version of reality while being aware of tricks of his own constructs and If he ever asked for my opinion I will tell him that Amitabh Bacchan is a Great actor, Narender Modi did some good work to promote business in Gujrat ,his father is an Average blogger who is terrible with spellings and Sachin Tendulkar was the greatest cricket player we had .

And I will make sure that He will have intelligence to interpret these facts for what they are actually worth . Ithink I owe this much to future generation .I don't want to fuck my chance to change the world.

Picture credit: Infinityrain

Update: A funny observation I just noticed that this essay was published on 14th of November Childeren's Day .

Death of a Helpline

2009-11-01T02:59:00.000-08:00

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying,
Lady, make a note of this —
One of you is lying.
~
Dorothy Parker

As I write this , I just get off from a 1.5 hour long telephonic conversation with a female friend of mine ( I know I have your attention NOW , Thanks ) . She was girl friend of a friend of mine ( Sorry for disappointment ).They had a fight and He wasn't answering her repeated calls ( 2 calls in 15 minute to be more precise ) . All through our conversation she was constructing a solid case against her beau, with anecdotal evidence supporting her preliminary and irrefutable hypothesis that Her boyfriend is the most insensitive man ever walked under the sun .Our conversation was abruptly terminated with a crisp sign off message "wait a sec ..HE is calling " . I am not waiting . why ?? Because I know that on Her chronological scale "a sec" will pass only when her boyfriend will be rude to her again and that may take anything between 1 week to 6 month .

This is neither new nor one off incident for me . On last count there were 4-6 such girls who regularly resort to call me in the hour of their "Boy friend inflicted distressed" . Initially , as a ~~cornered~~ concerned friend I used to try tohelp them by listening intently , carefully analyzing the situation and suggesting a Win-Win Paradigm for them and their boy friend . But it didn't helped them one bit . so for past few months I decided to help my self and admitted the futility of my endeavor . I stopped being my rational ,analytical logical self and constrained my self to " You are right " " I understand " " He should understand ", "That must be hard " ," Really ?? I can't believe HE did that" etc .

The trouble is that even that has started taking its toll now . I am tired of this thankless job .I think I can spend my energy on more useful tasks ( like updating this blog more often ).So I have decided to put an end to this . since some of these girls read this space regularly so I am officially announcing the closing of this help line here ( for those who don't read it I will send them the link to the post over email ).

Message is loud and clear I will not be entertaining such calls anymore . This line is and will be [perpetually ] busy.

Aforementioned helpline was one of many humanitarian activities where I got my self involved into without making a conscious choice . But my days of youthful indiscretion are long since over ( or so I am told by my Mom) so i am getting rid of them one by one . Today is the day to mourn the death of this helpline .

Funeral Speech:

I can call for souls from the heaven & ghost from hell, So can you.
That is not important, what is important is, Will they come?

William Shakespeare In Hamlet

Ladies and their boyfriends

We are here to bid final adieu to this unpaid job of mine in which you pushed me on the name of our friendship.Its a norm that on funeral you talk about the good and bad time you had with the deceased.share those learning you had from him. Everything in life teaches us something but whether we learn it or not is optional . same is true for this experience too .I have some fond memories of my time with this helpline . I learned a lot of things from it . It will be terrible loss if all this learning is lost. So for posterity's sake I am listing some of my conclusion here.

Your intentions and sincerity is useless if it originate from a sense of compromise somewhere deep down . Glory of sacrifice is often overrated.
No amount of Display of effect can't produce the cause. Be Honest to yourself and don't deny the reality . if the feeling is not there anymore than admit it .
Avoid Long Distance relationships. they are only good for cellphone company .still if you got to do it then use Skype . Why ?? because when the damn thing will eventually blast ( usually its a question of When ..not If ) you will find your self only emotionally broke not financially broke.
Watch your words to know where the relationship is heading. Avoid few words like plague. Excessive use of word "SPACE" is most reliable indicator of upcoming disaster .
If you think your life is boring than its probably because you are not doing anything interesting . Not because your partner is not showing enough interest in you.
There is a difference between missing someone and your obsessive need of companionship to compensate for your lack of purpose in life . understand it before its too late .
Its never too late . you will always find someone else and it will be Equally( if not more) hard to adjust with him/her.

and lastly

When you call someone at 2 'o' Clock in night to tell your problems.He deserve a proper "Thank you"

So "Thank you" and I hope not to hear from you again .

PS: This post was written at 4 in morning with a part humorous and part frustrated state of mind .

Some Videos From My Himachal Trip

2009-10-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

I was in Himachal Pradesh for much of last two weeks. I visited a lot of little known towns and monasteries. Why I went on this trip and What was my experience is a topic of subsequent blog posts on Knowprashant . for the time being I would like to share this video.

This video captures one of the high point of my trip . Here you can see some Kids from the village Nako singing few Kinnauri songs on my request .Look at the innocence and cuteness of these little performers . Do watch it till the end when they sing a hindi song .

Here is one more which I capture at a primary school in the village of Kalpa .

keep watching this space for story of my trip. That's not as refreshing as these videos but its worth reading nevertheless.

Blogger's Meta Curse

2009-05-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended meet up of my college alumni association's Delhi NCR chapter . It was good fun. I didn't knew many people there as most of the attendees were from batches which were 6-7 years Senior to me.though you share a generic affinity toward the Alma matter but its hard to feel the warmth toward those people whom you haven't seen around during your time in campus. Still there were few familiar faces .I was chit chatting with them and drifting through the usual drill of alumni meets . Things like Tilak, Drinks,snacks, some games and finally when enough number of folks were there we started with the formal introduction . Everyone took their turn at podium , introduced them self, shared info like batch ,branch ,hostel and took us on a sinusoidal ride along their carrier graph .Toward the end of their "concise" audio biography [some of them ] flaunted their better halves . For the record All of them were both symbolically and literally "better" in every respect other than (perhaps) good luck.

I went through the drill and after the introduction ceremony a couple of guys walked up to me and asked

"Are you the same guy who debates a lot on our mailing list ?"
I was expecting something like that ,

" Yes . I do present my point and push them when needed." I replied.

they shook hand with me and said " It a pleasure meeting you Boss".

"I subscribe to the RSS feed of your blog .I must say your write very well. I wish I could write like that ". one of them said.

Needless to say I was happy to hear that . I was almost about to pull out my Parker pen to sign autograph when I heard following remark from him and stopped my self

"I wanted to start a blog too but I gave up the idea and deleted my Wordpress account " He continued ,

"why ?" I asked

"I had nothing substantial to share . Life is boring .I think .You would admit that you have been very lucky in some ways . I mean how many people find them self in situation like yours. you have got an interesting life . a life which offers a string of event to fuel your writing."

I smiled with amusement .I had heard the comment before , a couple of time at some blogger's meet .sometime from my family members who read my blog. But truth is that much as I would have prefer it to be other way round there is nothing exceptionally interesting or exciting happening in my life.which is not happening to the next guy. Than why the contradiction in the observation ? why so many of YOU think that I (or any blogger or creative sort of guy ) is having a ball of time and yours is a run of the mill life.

Answer lies in what I call "Blogger's Meta Curse"

so what is this meta curse? It is a constant tear which pulls a blogger in two opposite direction. its more common amongst the blogger who (like me )write a personal blog. those of us who writes a technical or news blog are somewhat immune from it (not that it makes there job any easier or less valuable) . and reasons for this is understandable; they draw their inspiration from the event around them . those event happening around them and brought to them by other sources like RSS,press coverage ,TV,Print etc are. they act like the triggers which initiate a thought process which eventually culminates in the form of a blog post . They know where their muse is and so the go their for stimulus.

That's a luxury a personal blogger don't enjoy. He has to extract the theme of blog post from the day today event of his life and since his day to day life is not very different from YOU . so they have no option but look at the things differently . Add their own perspective (or Twist ?) to the narration. Its that narration and not the raw detail of what actually happened, which make their writing interesting . look at some post i made recently , what were the circumstances I described in them ? Meeting your Young family member at wedding , Sitting next to a couple in cafe, finding something to deal with lonesomeness, reading an email from friend about his new born baby and finally one of the most popular post here which was result of me stumbling upon a random video on YouTube. While this perspective offers a functional value but it come with its own set of disadvantages . That's why I call it a curse. I am going to list some of these side effects below.

Alienation

One who is too wise an observer of the business of others, like one who is too curious in observing the labor of bees, will often be stung for his curiosity.
~Alexander Pope

After 04 years of blogging about my personal life , it has become a habbit for me to see things not as it happens but as I see them happening . and the gulf is continuosly increasing. My perception of world operates on a meta level . Many a time , even when something is happening I find my self separated from situation and watching it with an amused , detached indiffrence. Mind you I am not any enlightend Buddha sort of a person , in fact each one of us have this tendency .what ? you think you don't have this ? Tell me have you ever caught looking back at your life with a detached amusement? Yes? so do I . only difference is that it has timeshifted for me . Thanks to the blogging and some other things , I can do it in real time .

This real time meta reflection create all sort of problems.I often find my self alieniated from the surrounding . I smile at seemingly random inconsequential events for reasons which make sense to me only. I look intently to mundande acts of people . and worst of all , I search for sign of serienditpty or some cosmic pattren in every event around me . ( Just FYI I have made some good progress in that direction ;) ) .

At time I feel that this has deprived me the ability to experience the life in first hand , first person manner . I don't look forward to rain in order to get relief from summer , I look forward to rain so that I can smell the earth ( even on my third floor apartment ,Go figure) . I don't watch Matrix for thrill of some kung fu action, I watch it to know how Wachowskis have hidden the real story under nth layer of detail(Ya Ya, I know its just a movie) and unlike crative littreary genius of past I don't drink beer to stimulate my brain I drink beer so that i can slow it down . Damn thing never stop thinking and it always want a little more of analysis .

This overthinking create a very awkward situation when I find myself in mixed company . Few months back I was at a couchsurfing party where a Brittish lady asked me to dance with her ( hold your horses , she was 60 year of age ) . we danced on the tune of "Falling in love with you " song from UB40 .After the dance we were having drinks when she said

" its a nice song , My favorite "

" Ya , Its my fave too. you know the story behined UB 40 ? " I said and without waiting for her reply I continued " its called UB 40 because members of the band meet first time at at Unemployment Beaurau Street No 40 " .

She smiled and said "So you were thinking about UB40 while dancing . ?"

"Well...Yes" I said .

She laughed , pulled my cheek and said " I bet you are not vey lucky in dating "

I smiled stupidly .

"cute boy , Here is a tip from Mommy " She continued " Don't think too much and while you are with girl there is no need to be intelligent .it doesen't impress them much " she declared.

I am still trying to internaliz that lesson. :-)

Efficiency Loss :

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public”:~ Anonymus

For human beings Brain is the prime mover , the source of all acitivity . We navigate our way through life under the control of our brain. Our thoughts power our every action. its very intutive to extrapolate that effort putin by brain has some linear co relation with the effeciency of our action. ie More thinking, means more understanding , more accurate actions , means more full filling life . right ? Wrong . Just like all the understanding of Internal combustion Engine and Power transmission assembly won't give you an iota of advantage when you drive a car , in the same fashion all the deep philosophical thinking about the nature of universe,purpose of life , understanding of motivation of human action and other such crap won't help you make your life one bit easy. It might give you a perspective but it won't make it easy on a day to day level. This thinking thing is some thing which is done for the pleasure of persuit it self . its a very personal joy . However sicne fndametally Mind is also a machine , it gets tired at times . and sometime it get tired when you need it in REAL Life ( like at work) . this happend a lot with me. it still happenes but with a little less frequency . another aspect of this phenomena is that if you think too much about mundane things of life and share it with people around you , it can get you in trouble because

#1 ) they can get bored and start avoiding you thus pushing you higher on your meta cloud .

#2) They might think of you as a crazy philospher ( Which might be true . Is it ??)

#3 ) sometimes their expectation from your intellect becomes very high.

One of the best ways to avoid this is to avoid telling your work collegue your blogging habbit. very few of my co worker follow this blog and I bet they will have a shock of their life if they ever got to read this. maintaining this kind of split personality has its own challenges but potential benifits make it worth.

Communicating with "Third Person" :

We entered a oneness of silence; words seemed the rankest superfluities. Eloquence flowed in soundless chant from heart of master to disciple.
~ Swami Paramhans Yogananda

Most of my social engagements are around the theme of Blogging , Technology, Web 2.0,Mobile,Philosophy and Beer only. I don't remeber when was the last time I attended a normal event like wedding, Birthday ,Pooja etc. Thats not my thing , I am Cool Blogger Right ? Holy shit . Here is the thing about all these events . most of the session there are boring . no better than your regular corporate power point tamasha. But some are good . I meet some of the most interesting people at these events. Almost all of my friends in delhi ncr today are due to my involvment in such meetups only.

I have noticed a strange thing amongs many of these friends. Those friend amongst this group who are personal bloggers ,Whenever I am with them I always get a distinct feeling that though they are with me , nodding to my remark , answering my questions, laughing on my joke still they are not there. as if I am talking to a medium . real self is somewhere else .standing by the side may be.

Lately I had a pleasure and previlage of interacting with a very talented blogger , a celebrity in making .This feeling was very clear during my interaction.There was a third person bitween two of us. Always.That third person was aloof and observant at the same time . I saw that third person once . We were in a car, I looked up to the ceileng and there it was , hanging up side down . watching intently . when I treid to scream it casted some hogwartian magic spell and my scream was supressed. All right ! That last part was figment of my imagination But I did saw it ,for a sec, before my car hited a bump and I was jolted back to reality.that was the moment when the core idea of Meta curse theory was born.

Anyways,I had felt this way few time before (with diffrent folks, some of them bloggers , some not ) everytime I got an impression that the "Third Person" don't want his existence to be acknowledged and He might be offended if I even tried to commit the transgression of attempting to contact him . That made me a little uncomfortable and concious.

So this is for the record " As I am blogger too. If you ever feel the presence of that Third person while talking to me and if that had made you uncomfortable , than Please accept my sincere apologies" .

Epilouge :

So now you know that My life is not more intresting than your's. its just a matter of how you look and how you present the story. Purpose of this article was to share this simple fact . If you are holding back from blogging or any other creative activity because of that , than you don't have that excuse any more . go ahead give it a shot . trust me, to create something is a very empowering experience .

The only risk here is that of striking balance . When you live constantly on this Meta state , after a while you start enjoying it. At times this is not a good trait.specially in social setting. it makes people (specialy host) very uncomfortable .Now I am putting a concious effort to stay on the same level as the rest of the folks.If you meet me next time . do let me know if Its effective or not .

Happy Blogging . :)

pics credit :Hugh Macleod

Mario Saves the Princess

2009-05-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

They say that being a dragon is all fun and games till some tincan bastard comes and shoves a sword in your throat. Irony is that even he won't get a kiss from the thankless princess . Mario , you did the right thing...

स्पंदन

2009-04-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

जीवन से सकल सुहास गए , जब से सुखा ये मन चन्दन.

अधरों ने हँसना सीख लिया , जब थके नयन कर के क्रंदन

सूने घर की तन्हाई में सुनते हम अपना ह्रदय स्पंदन

मित्र हमें समझाते हैं , करतें हैं वो सब लाख जतन

नाना विधि बहलाते हैं हमको ,सुनते हैं मेरे कटुक वचन

हो के निढाल गिर जाते हैं , मिटती न ललाट से एक शिकन

में उनके तर्क समझता हूँ , कहता हूँ "सुन ओ मेरे मन ,

यादो की चार दिवारी से , चल दोनों करते बहिर्गमन ,

प्रक्रति के कलरव से भर दें , आ अपने जीवन का सूनापन"

कब ज्ञान ,सहायक होता है , ये सब हैं झूठे आश्वासन

चाहे वो अधम मनुष्य रहे , चाहे हो कर्ता श्रष्टि सर्जन.

शब्दों से काट नहीं सकते , उलझे इतने हैं ये बंधन .

गांडीव उठा , तज बुद्धि ज्ञान , सब भूल श्रृष्टि में अपना स्थान

स्वर्ण मृग के पीछे दौडे जाते , देखो कैसे वो रघु नंदन

Pic courtesy : Prof. Frances Pritchett, Univ of Columbia .(Link)

Colors of Poetry in Gulaal

2009-04-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

This is a long overdue post.Sometime back I complained about popular music and poetry being heavily skewed toward the Love and related "mushy" emotions and lacking proper representation of other human emotions. Personally what i miss, most is the poetry about veer rasa(valor / Courage). As far as I remember "Rang De Basanti" was the only recent movie where someone showed that. So i was pleasantly surprised to see a very contextual use veer rasa poetry in the Anurag Kashyap's latest flick "Gulaal" . a movie based on student politics ,rajasthan and a Ex - Monarch turned revolutionarie's denial of new reality of unified india.

As someone who is born and brought up in rajasthan I could relate to it at so many level .Although story is a work of fiction in all probability but mental construct of character shown in the story is anything but fiction. In the street of Jodhpur, Jaipur and bikaner you can find every single character living , breathing, smoking beedi and chewing tobbaco (not to mention spitting it on the wall of fort also ) .

I don't do movie and book review here on this blog but if there ever was a contemporary hindi movie i want to review it would be Gulaal.But this post is not about movie , its about the use of poetry in the movie's narration. hats off to Piyush Mishra for composing the music and writing lyrics . they were superb. My fave part of movie was the scene where narrator (played by Piyush mishra himself) recite two of very popular poems . incedently both of them were in my school text book . It was very nostalgic to see them in entirely deffrent but fitting context .

First was the famous poem by Bismil "Sarfaroshi kee tamnna" . Mr.Mishra has tweaked it beautifully to reflect the reality of modern day india. I am sure Bismil saheb won't mind the palagarism . see it in the embedded video below .

Second was a poem "श्री कृषण का दूत कार्य " ( When Krishna acted as messenger )by Ramdhari Singh "Dinkar". It was in my younger brother's hindi text book. Its really cool you can see the scene in embeded video below .it start at 2:27 in the clip.you can read the transcript of poem on my other blog here.

Finally there was best of all , a Piyush Mishra's orignal composition . Aarambh
listen to it here.its mind blowing. I liked it so much that i set it as ring back tone on my mobile phone. so here is one more reason for you to give me a call sometime . :)

Geography lessons from a drunken philosopher

2009-04-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts - for support rather than illumination”

Andrew Lang

Ever seen a mountain ? Those big huge vast bodies of stone. Apparently frozen in time. Everyone think of them as embodiment of timeless ness. Epitome of stability. Set in their path, making concession for nothing and no one. Hiding precious things like gold, diamond and some purely utilitarian things like coal and fossil fuel. Sometime covered with snow but mostly barren. Very few people live there most of us go to mountain for convalesce.

This is the common perception about them and for most of the purpose this perception serves us well to understand them. Unitll ...untill you see a river flowing through a mountain. For river, those same timeless , changeless , eternal Mountain makes exception and give path to the her . It tears himself apart to make way for river's flow .never regretting or thinking about the loss of identity incurred in the process. River flows through it and life flourishes in the valley. People worship the river. His sacrifice or contribution is never noticed or appreciated. However he notices that children in the valley never draw a picture of river without mountain but then they are children their parents lives on the bank of rivers and soon they teach their kids that valley owe everything to river.

River keep flowing till it falls in sea. After that there is no river any more . There is only sea. River loses its identity. Her water becomes saline. Sea never takes notice. After all for sea its just another river falling in to it. What’s the big deal ? Mountain feels bad. He thinks his sacrifice, his effort went in waste. He made an exception for river. And river chucked that for what? To become just another anonymous contributor to saline water reservoir ? Mountain feels sad and angry and a volcano erupts from it . it’s lava hurts the people living in the valley. they curse mountain.

But than one day after a very long time something strange happen .a lone drifting cloud ,floating high up in sky passes through the mountain. That cloud is not visible either to people of valley or river. And much like mountain, that lone drifting cloud is of no use for them. Thanks to their altitude, that cloud collide with Mountain. They talk , She listen to his story ,understand his pain and tear start rolling from her eyes . Only the water is not saline this time and people in valley call it rain . Volcano cools down, grass sprouts on the mountain, and river get filled with fresh water. Life flourishes.

That lone drifting cloud who appeared out of nowhere tells something to the mountain and mountain is happy again .He can see things in perspective. Looks back at the river, valley and people. only this time he don't seek any validation , recognition or approval. He resolve to keep doing what he always did. As the lone drifting cloud moves on to her path to heal the pain of others like him he prepare to face another season of summer. Another flow of river passing through it. World, oblivious to all this keeps moving on.

Are you wondering what that cloud said to mountain which made him forget his sorrow? She asked him to not to be judgmental and learn to let go . She told him that "what you are is your nature and what other are is there nature. neither is wrong or right . only different” and she told him that "Because of your this very nature you have a special places in god's heart. He loves you more than anything else. Ever wondered why mountains are highest place on earth ? Because highest on earth is nearest to god."

Forever the rationalist, mountain dismissed the idea saying "I don't think god gives a damn."

Lone drifting cloud smiled and said “Who do you think has sent me??”

In life we all act like that mountain at times, than we feel angry, upset and dejected. if that's the case I have one advice for you. look around and look up. Trust me ,Your guardian angel your lone drifting cloud will be somewhere near to you.

Pic courtesy Aris Gionis

परिंदा

2009-03-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

24 years of existence: No invention and No incorporation yet! Even Mt. Everest remains out of reach. What a waste the years have been!!

Varun Gupta's status message on Facebook on his birthday .

Here is something I wrote last night . These thoughts were germinated in my mind around my birthday couple of days back .It reached a crescendo last night and result is this poem. I hope you would like it.

प्रारंभ से पूर्व ही पटाक्षेप हो गया ,
जीवन प्रवाह में स्वप्न बस अवक्षेप हो गया
करता रहा प्रतीक्षा , रात भर वो भोर की
सोचा किया की , क्षितिज पार कहीं सूर्य सो गया
बचपन में था चाहा उसने छुना आकाश को
फिर घोसले का प्रेम उसकी बेडी हो गया

जीवन में शीत आयी तौ दाना " खुदा" हुआ
रिमझिम जो बरसे मेघ तो , महा भोज हो गया.
कौए की भांति पाले उसने, सपने किसी और के
जब उड़ गयी वो कोयलें , वीराना हो गया.

देखो सरल इंसान कितना गूढ़ हो गया
योवन के राह देखने में प्रोढ़ हो गया

सर्वत्र है सम्मान उसका , पर किसको ये ज्ञात है
जय घोष में दबी कहीं जो उसके दिल की बात है
कर कर के हर किसी की कही , वो महान बन गया
जन्मा था जो परिंदा वो अब इंसान बन गया

Note:Regular reader of "knowprashant" might remember when same thing happened last time . This time however I was not exceptionally happy or sad that day . but its kinda hard not to reflect on your life on your birthday.

Some Thoughts on Terrorism

2009-03-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Nothing in this world is to be feared...its only to be understood

~Marie Curie

I was sitting on my living room couch, lazily reading some old magazine when I learned about Terrorist Attack on Sri Lanka’s cricket team. There was a news flash on TV and within 5-10 minute "experts" were ready with their “informed” opinion on how this incident will effect everything from Cricket, Peace in Asia and sponsorship of IPL. True to their nature, News channels were filled with rhetoric, meaning less call for action and other such ploy to cash on public sentiments. In short our reaction to the attack was very predictable : “knee jerk “. Having seen many such incidents in past I was confident about what is to follow. We will forget about it . Soon.

But I was afraid,Loss of human life is always tragic. But I think it will be a mistake to see this incident as just another terrorist attack. Something is different this time, something subtle which disturbed me.A threshold has been crossed. Its not terrorism anymore. This issue is a Vendetta. Implication of this difference are far reaching and if not checked in time.It will be devastating to stability of our nation.

What is Terrorism?

Its not in my nature to be afraid . Never . I strongly believe in above mentioned words of Marie Curie. Whenever I am afraid of anything .I take it as a symptom/side effect of my failure to comprehend. My life's experience has thought me that if you look deep enough , hard enough and long enough you will find some pattern of logical coherence in every problem. So I spent last couple of days thinking about the problem of terrorism . This essay is result of that thought process .

First and foremost I was surprised to see that most of the time when we talk of Terrorism we talk about act of violence only. Our whole perception of terrorism revolves around acts of violence. Something that is not violent is not terrorism. That’s the fundamental flaw in our thinking. Violence is culmination of terrorism not origin of it. We talk about "How to solve/remove/eradicate Terror" very few times you will find your self thinking what Terrorism actually is? What we are trying to do is to solve a problem with out understanding it . A hallmark of brute force mentality. No wonder that we are not going anywhere with it . So first step in my quest was to define the term “terrorism”.

You will be surprised to know that till this day there is no standard definition of terrorism on which all of us agree . wikipedia define it as "violent or destructive acts (as bombing) committed by groups in order to intimidate a population or government into granting their demands." Now tell me "What were the demands of Gunmen who were involved it Mumbai Attack of 26/11 ? What were the demands of fidayeen who carried out September 11 ? None. How did attack on sri lankan cricketers helped the cause of terrorist?”.No,None,zilch,Nada.

Vir Sanghvi was right when he said that “Joker is the terrorist of our time.(Link) .Like Joker ,these terrorist never cared to put forward their demands. They never tried to hold hostages. They just came and started killing civilians . they knew they won't get out of it alive . but still they did it .why ?

At this juncture I want you to forget every single rhetoric filled in to your head by media ask a simple question to your self "Is there anything ,anything at all in the world for which you are ready to die? or ready to kill " I doubt if your answer will be anything outside of standard response of "my family". Very few of us will even consider the possibility of doing such act for the sake of any idea ,opinion or promise land. We will call it madness. ergo we lable doer of such deeds as MAD. This is shallow thinking . We need to understand that fundamentally they are (were??) same as us . I don't think anyone start his life with the intention of killing the strangers . Revolutionaries and Terrorist are not born . They are created by a system . Ergo, any solution to the problem of terrorism must address and attack the underlying "system".

We don't need to study groups like LeT, LTTE, Al kayeda to understand the basic premise and modus operandi of Terror. Basic premise is "When logic fail or when one of the involved side is not open to logic you resort to non verbal force to attain your objective". A kid in school playground who Bully his peers, A spouse who exploit the dependency of his/her partner for undue advantage in relationship. A Manager who exploit his insider knowledge/position to push his own agenda. Politician who exploit the differences between his electorates to manipulate them. No matter which walk of life you choose. Chances are that you will encounter someone who is a terrorist there. Its our foolhardiness that we associate terrorism with violence and bloodshed only. Some are terrorist in thoughts, some are terrorist in action. Usually terrorist in thought breeds terrorist in action. when we blame a single individual for terror we are basically trying to surge off the responsibility.

Ways of Terror

Thanks to my early and extensive exposure to news media in my formative years I have seen many terrorist conflict from the side line, on my SONY Trinitron. List include Arab Israel conflict, Fijji, Maldeev, Bostnia,Afganistan ,PLO, IRA, Chechen rebel etc . At Home turf we had more than our fair share of conflict like Punjab -Khalistan Issue, Kashmir issue, GNLF, Sri Lanka -LTTE,BODO. Its seems world will never run out of such things. On the surface level each issue seems to have a different cause and a different origin but once you venture to examine these issue beyond superficial details and compare underlying socio-political-philosophical dynamics you will see a shocking level of similarity . you see a clear and distinctive pattern .in following section I am going to present some of them.

Implosion of Roles:

"Bush and Bin Laden are really on the same side: the side of faith and violence against the side of reason and discussion. Both have implacable faith that they are right and the other is evil. Each believes that when he dies he is going to heaven. Each believes that if he could kill the other, his path to paradise in the next world would be even swifter. The delusional “next world” is welcome to both of them. This world would be a much better place without either of them. ”

Richard Dawkins

First and very obvious part of any terror situation is a "Oppressor-Victim" duo . oppressor violates the rights of victim and victim retaliate . This part is fairly straightforward. what’s hazy is the perception of the act in the mind of oppressors .from the sideline it might seems to us that oppressor is taking a liberty in full knowledge and awareness about his action .But from his frame of reference its not that black and white. Often time oppressor never really makes a conscious choice to commit the transgression.

Think of the White people in pre civil war America who practiced slavery . it took a Abraham lincon to abolish slavery. Think of constitution writer in modern world who coined the phrase “One Man One Vote”. It took feminist moments to convert it to “One Person One Vote” . Think of all our ancestors in India who celebrated “Sati” system . think of Tulsidaas calling women destined to torture . Think of all the great people who were upholder of cast system and never found anything wrong with it . it took Ambedkar to make them realize. How does American soldier killing innocent civilian in IRAQ are different from German soldier killing Jews in World War 2?

All these people were perfectly sane, educated and god fearing people based on the standard of their respective times. It’s the standard of morality of that times which needed a revision . Much as we want to believe otherwise , Moral framework of society is not frozen , its not a objective constant . sadly moral framework is a “work in progress” and every society need to revise morality periodically.

In all the example mentioned in previous paragraph , you will see that wherever an issue of transgression/terrorism was resolved by non violent method ,without a blood shed it was resolved because both parties were open to dialogue and they had vested interest in resolving the situation . This is not true for our time. For a long time now involved parties has vested interest in keep this issue alive . In one form or another.

What ? You don’t know what I am talking about ? I am talking about Military Industrial complex, I am talking about Arm Race and Cold War. I am talking about dependency on Oil . I am talking about aiding LTTE . I am talking about PAK Govt’s need to keep the Kashmir issue alive in order to divert attention from more burning pressing issue at home. I am talking about willfully ignoring issue of human right violation in Tibet and Philistine by self appointed moral watchdog of modern world. Hard as it may seems to believe but we have created these monster and we are creating some more. Boundaries of the roles between Oppressor-victim is blurred. Meaning of these terms are imploded.

At times we are terrorist in thoughts, at times we face terrorism in action. Roles are swapped periodically. That’s why we are stuck in this perpetual cycle of Terror.

Flexi Ethics leading to Nihilism

All Bombs are clean; their only pollution is the system of security and of control they radiate as long as they don't explode
Jean Baudrillard in Simulacra and Simulation ( A Very good book)

When it comes to matters of foreign policy , conventional wisdom dictates that “there are no permanent friends or permanent enemies . There are only permanent interest” . No country and I repeat NO Country today practice an objective or moral foreign policy . All these world bodies are a hogwash. An elaborate drama, staged for the sole purpose of providing a cloak of legitimacy to the greedy agenda of whoever pulls string.

When your ethics are situational (flexi) than you can’t help violating the right of someone. Do it over a sustain period of time and you have a disaster in making .No act of transgression goes unpunished. Nature has its own way to deliver justice even when there is no enforcement authority to administer it. That’s why bodies like UN,NATO ,Non Align Moment, OPEC are somewhat ineffective in handling the terrorism issue. They are mere puppet to the global bully. They turned blind eye to the act of transgression and now they are resting in a well earned oblivion . Appeasement is predecessor of terrorism.

For example right now world is busy keeping china happy. Mark my word; 10 years from now world will be facing tibetaien terrorism. Sooner or later agitation in every victim reaches a critical point. After that point, underlying issue becomes irrelevant. Fight becomes a vendetta and ideology becomes nihilism. This is dangerous. Those people won’t stop at anything. Not even killing there on people.

its is widely believed that “one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist” . A freedom fighter stands for values of his people. He enjoys sympathy and (moral) support of his people. That’s his power. By that logic no terrorist would ever think of hurting sentiments of very people he is fighting for. But that’s exactly what gunmen in Lahore did when they open fired at the cricket team. Cricket is a Quasi religion in Indian subcontinent. Why they did it ? Because for them there is struggle is not about attaining a goal anymore . It’s a pursuit of total annihilation. They are fighting a battle where on a certain level they have already accepted the defeat.

Its not about idealism and ideologies anymore. System failed and tricked them for far too long . Now they are trying destroy that system . That’s what disturbed me about these attack. This time its there final shot . they have an asymmetric advantage over us. There will be blood on the street. There will be collateral damage.

Collateral Damage :

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. ”

Morpheus In The Matrix

When elephant fights . It’s the grass, which suffers. I have had opportunity to talk to some Pakistani guys . They are very much like us . Very loveable people. My friends who study in US universities face this dilemma often . They can’t help feeling an urge to avoid a Pakistani guy/girl in social setting. I am sure it will be same for Pakistani folks. And if the conflict came to final phase I am sure our soldier will kill their people and vice versa. That will be a real loss . That will be the innocent victim of terrorism . We will condemn the killing . We will say its bad.

Have it ever occurred to you that at some level, we might have endorsed these acts? At least subconsciously? Read the lines from matrix movies quoted above. As I write this there are 16,200 websites on internet which quote it verbatim . Pretty neat for a movie right ? Most of these guys who published this will say that they agree with Morpheus. Now Read it once again carefully. You will see that this is an endorsement of terrorism. A justification of collateral damage.

Lets face it , it can be our turn someday .Possibility that YOU and I can be a collateral Damage is very high. Danger has knocked on our doors. We had attacks in MUMBAI. We have a totally unstable country as neighbor. To complicate the situation we have an economic climate which is less than healthy. If things continued like that than its only a matter of time when this menace of terrorism will claim somebody from our friends and family.That’s what I am afraid of and that’s what You should be afraid of too.

Solution

So In my opinion these three component are common to every terror situation . Any possible solution to the problem of terrorism should must address theses three component simultaneously .Our traditional response to the threat is to First Quarantine the sect , which is followed by a Power struggle and finally dialogue ,on the terms & conditions of who ever comes out victorious in that struggle. This system never works. Much as the same way that all the prison in world can’t bring down the crime rate.

What we need to do is to

#1) Stop/Control the implosion of roles . Define the identities of all the involved parties. These identities won’t be black and white .so do a honest job of admitting where you acted as an oppressor and where you suffered like an victim . this honesty is difficult to achieve if you are in the position of power and if its against the public sentiment. But this is the price we need to pay. It will be a stepping-stone toward developing confidence. Once the identity is defined we can find the overlap and common ground . Trust me this will be a Big Step. But this require a political will power. This sort of will power is hard to attain in a country where no one has got an absolute majority in past few elections .

#2) Define a moral /legal/Constitutional Framework : This is relatively easy if Step #1 is achieved . Define a framework based on humanistic values . Freedom, Peace ,justice and Equality.

#3) Seize the killing at once . Let go of past . easier said than done .

Easiest way to attain #2 & #3 is to attach some sort of economic reward to the peace. Something like Suez Canal . Everyone knows that suez canal has done more good to the cause of Egypt-Israel peace than all the guns and politicians. There are more than enough economic incentive of peace in Indian subcontinent. If only our politician choose to highlight it . Social incentive can be another bait . Think of the public euphoria if Every Pakistani can visit Ajmer Sharif. and If Indians can do the trading with Pakistan. This sort of economic dependencies are best guarantee of lasting peace. Wishful thinking ? You are right it IS wishful thinking . But is it Impossible ??

This is for our politician to answer and their time is running out .

Photo Credit : Sunandini Basu

Author's Note: This Post/Essay is a slight detour from usuall stuff i publish on "knowprashant". this kind of thing happens to me once in a while when i put on my dusty academic hat . do let me know if you like it .

George Carlin On Religion

2009-03-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Not that I agree to what he says but its funny never the less . worth watching

World Builder

2009-03-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

I won't even try to make a pretext to tell you about the awesome video embeded below . Please take time to see it . It's an award winning short film which was shooted in a day and it took two years of post production to create this stunning piece of work. I wish I could have made one such movie . thanks Bruce Brainit. Hats off to you.

So without further ado , I present you World Builder

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

My Tech Musing(s)

2009-02-13T21:13:00.000-08:00

Lately there has been too much of mushy stuff on my blog . Not that there is any thing wrong in those posts .its just that I was getting tired of it myself. so when Shivnanda commented on my previous post asking for technology stuff that was the final motivation I needed .

However eventhough i have few thoughts on what to write but right now I don't have bandwidth for constructing a full fledged article out of it . Due to some recent development I am and will be a little hard pressed for time . Anyways but to keep my promise I am reproducing two articles I wrote sometime back for 'i.t' Magazine , a publication of EFY Group.

First one is on My fave topic in mobile,Mobile Location Based Services (LBS) . I have read so much on LBS that Its best that don't get started :) . You can read it in scribd embed below

Mobile LBS: The Power of Where

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Diagrams service services

Second one is on the nascent but paradigm shaking concept called " Mobile App Store" . It was originally introdued by Apple as an application distribution front end for its iPhone device. Thanks to the hype around iphone, iTuneApp store" never got the attention it deserved . In this article I have argued how, in the long run App store can be a more strategic advantage than iPhone it self . you can read it in scribd embed below .

App Store Revolution height="500" width="100%"> value="http://d.scribd.com/ScribdViewer.swf?document_id=12359089&access_key=key-1tyyons9w0ywjsyd5zap&page=1&version=1&viewMode=list">

Publish at Scribd or explore others: revolution Che

Very soon I will write more on tech for the audience of "knowprashant". In the meantime do let me know what you think of them . I look for ward to your feedback :)

My Little Pre Valentine Encounter - Part 2

2009-02-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

So in my last post I told you about my little (pre) valentine adventure . here is the sequel to the same .As I mentioned in my previous post that this year V day seems to have arrived a little too soon and with a little more bang than usual . Those wired gifts and absurd discount offers are only one side of the story . other valentine related issue which is hot topic of the week is our stance toward public display of affection(PDA). What this whole PDA debate eventually boils down to is the question that " If a couple wants to do some activity like holding hands , hugging, kissing and stuff in public .do they have a right to do that ?Do our "culture" allow that ?" (just FYI , I recently learned that super set of such activities is collectively referred as "kooche koo"-ing).

Everyone seems to have an opinion about it .A little conflict is brewing up in Bangalore where Sri Rama Sene chief Mr.Pramod Muthalik thinks that V Day is not an Indian thing and its polluting our culture .He says that if he find any couple dating or doing this PDA thing on VDay He will be forcing them to get married on the spot . To counter this threat My friend and fellow blogger Sanjukta Basu has started Hug Karo and Pub Bharo Andolan in Bangalore. They will be doing a A Free Hug campaign on 14th Feb 2009 in Bangalore. They would be going out in groups offering free hugs to the people of Bangalore, carrying placards like, ‘Happy Valentines Day, I love you, Hug me, ‘Public Display of violence is not part of Indian culture’ etc.

Nisha Susan is doing a Pink Chaddi Campaign . their slogan is "This year let us send the Sri Ram Sena some love. Let us send them some PINK CHADDIS.". I must say that these are one of the most innovative ways of protesting and fighting for a cause that I have seen in my life .Allthough I am not in bangalore but I support Sanjukta and Nisha in their cause . This is an out and out violation of our freedom and if I have my way I would send that joker to his rightful place . A Mental Aslyum . Its a shame to our democracy , to our freedom.

This is not to say that PDA don't cause some discomfort to people around it do but that doesn't give anyone a right to curb freedom and force them to tie the knot. Living in Noida its very very common to witness this PDA stuff all around me and honestly if two consenting adults are involved than who gives a damn .I have NEVER seen a couple crossing lines of decency . We don't need this rama sene brand Moral Policing .

Funny thing is that while I am totally comfortable with the PDA thing in cafes and pubs what makes me slightly uncomfortable is the torture of listening to their conversation . if you ever got a chance to sit next /close to a "couple" in cafe and were able to listen to their conversations you will understand what I mean . These conversations are hilarious yet torturing . Hilarious because usually there is very tiny elements of sense in them ( and both parties know it ) and Torturing because you are not supposed to laugh on the spot . Controlling the laughter is hard part. I was witness to one such conversation last weekend . that was my second adventure .

So after my meeting with Ravi and his fiance at Gift Gallery I proceeded to kaffia for my weekend book reading dose . I took the table overlooking the street . my fave place on their balcony . I ordered a coffee and started reading . after 10 min or so a waiter interrupted me .

[Waiter] Excuse me sir ! would you mind sitting on someother table .
[Me] Why ?

[waiter]( pointing to a girl standing near the counter) M'am , Wants to sits here
[Me] Than Go and Tell your "M'am" that if She wants to sit here she will have to request it herself .and don't YOU come back again as her attorney

( After two min of soul searching she walked to me and said )

[Girl] Excuse Me!
[Me]Yes !
[Girl] Would you mind shifting to other table . Actually I am waiting for my Boyfriend and I can keep an eye on road from here .Plus its his fave table
[Me] You want to delkho rastaa of your BF ?
[Girl] (Blushing) Yes !
[Me] WoW Must be a New boyfriend ( you see i was on roll that day)
[Girl] (seemingly uncomfortable becuase this talk is going longer than her expectation)
[Me] just kidding . Its my pleasure .

I moved to other side of balcony and resumed reading .In between I happen to glanced at her once. She had an extraordinary multi tasking capabilities . she was waiting ,talking to someone on cellphone,looking at the menu card and glancing at her laptop screen once in a while .In between she found time to look at me also , on that moment , I resumed my reading ;) .

After some time Her Boyfriend entered the scene . A cute looking Hunk in Body hugging Tee Shirt .somewhat like Shaheed Kapoor only slightly taller. One sight of his biceps and I understood that its best to focus on my reading . that point onward I was like the proverbial "Fly on The wall" . this is what little I heard of their conversation when there volume was high and my scholarly interpretation of the same.

After couple of min waiter arrives

[waiter] your order sir..?
[Boy] (looking at menu ) Baccha Kya khayega ?
[Girl] (looking at her menu card ) aaj baacha kunch nahin kaheyga . aaj baccha dieting pe hai
[Boy] Oh fir tou mein bhee nahin khaunga kuch
[Girl] No baby ..tum khao na
[Boy] No tum nahin to hum nahin ...... Atleast juice le lo na
[Girl] OK . I will have orange juice , make it sweet and a Cesar salad . happy ? ( by god . Kya ehsaan hai )
[Boy] I will have a Veg Cheese Sandwich and Coffee

(waiter leaves )

[Girl] that was very sweet of you baby
[Boy ] Anything for you baccha ( by god kya insaan hai )

Neither the guy , nor the girl not even waiter found anything wierd about the whole conversation . Chances are the even you won't find this odd. But if you apply a little mind you will realize the comic nature of situation. First of all they were addressing each other as "baby" and "baccha" . unless both of them are suffering from some sort of severe puberty disorder ( very unlikely) I don't see any reason why someone would like to be called that . Second , girl has studiend the menu for full ten minute before the hunk arrived so why did she need to look again . Height of absurdity was that why would someone who is on diet to cut callories would like to go for orange juice that too sweet (proof ). I guess they were really baccha and baby .

--------------for next 5-7 minute their volume was blissfully low . I was almost getting my pace of reading back , when I heard some panicked voice

[Boy] kya hua baccha ... what happened ?
[Girl] sob sob ..khhr khrr sob sob ( khrr khrr sound was probably originating from her nose)
[Boy] bataou tou sahi ..whats the matter ?
[Girl] hich hich ..sob sob ....
[Boy] at least tell me.... did I said something wrong ? I am sorry .

That went on for next 2 min or so . waiter sensed some trouble and came to them . than finally she wiped her nose ,took a sip from glass of water. and spoke .All three of us ( the guy , Me and waiter ) were listening intently

[Girl] Mujhe lagta tha ....sob sob.....kee tum mujhe pasand nahin karte . khrr khrr
[Boy] oh stupid girl . fir aisa kabhi mat sochna .
[Girl] hooo. hooo ho... sob sob

Guy reachs over to give her a reassuring hug .waiter took a sigh of relief (or dissapointment ?) and returned back to his chores .Guy looked at me and smiled in such a sweet but apologizing way that even my atheist heart said a prayer to god asking to give him strength . I know He will be needing it .

So Now it was official that this was a newly blossomed romance.Given their age and situation I won't say that there was anything odd in that .But one could have expected from girl to atleast wait till their order is served and her poor "baby" had something inside his stomach. I don't think He has had his breakfast that morning .Anyways after little cajoling sanity ensued again on that balcony . very soon waiter brought their order .

Even though it was evident that couple was ok with my presence still I felt that I might be invading their privacy so I asked waiter to bring my bill . It was kinda getting hard for me to surpress my smile at the event . while I was waiting for it I secretly hoped that I won't have to hear sweet chirping of lovebirds anymore .But after a few second of getting "normal" there came the knock out punch and I wasn't able control my laughter despite my best effort

[Girl]....why did you waited for so long ?
[Boy] well.... sach bolun

[Girl] haan ?
[Boy] I thot i will do it after 6-7 months of body building . I wanted to impress you with my biceps
[Girl] (blushing and punching on his arm) I Like your biceps

that was it . I burst in to laughter.....

[me] I am sorry but I couldn't control it i am sorry .
[Girl] [Boy] Blushing smiling
[me] I m sorry guys..I guess i should move . You guys look good together .god bless you.
[Girl] [Boy] Thanks :)

I payed my bill at counter ..and walked my way home smiling and giggling on the events of the day . I sincerely wished those kids a happy life and why not? thinking of their actions still brings a smile on my face . what else you can hope from complete strangers . Thus ended an interesting day of my life .

photo courtesy Zazonga

My Little Pre Valentine Encounter - Part 1

2009-02-08T06:15:00.000-08:00

I love to catch up on my book readings on weekends .I wake up at around 8:00 -8:30 grab a cup of tea , depending on mood and weather I take a shower , stuff two books in my "cool dude bag" and rush to some cafe in Sec 18 Noida . Like a Bloke I love spending next few hours reading and sipping tea . I prefer to go early because you can beat the rush and all the noise which follows after lunch . Cafes becomes too crowded ,Music turns too loud and people come, drink, pay and go like zombies .I drop in early in order to escape all that .

But things were little different yesterday . in fact it was like that for whole of last week. It seems that this year Valentine day seems to have arrived a couple of week before its due date and As it happen in all cases of premature birth .while rest of the family ( family as in Vasudhav kutumbkam , "whole world is our family" ) rejoice the early arrival of metaphorical "bundle of Joy " its a little painful for some . for example sometime in last week I received an SMS offering me 20% "Valentine " discount on Mattress. I was in awe of marketeers ability to understand "futuristic " needs of customer and design a offer "ahead of time " ;). But unfortunately he choose the wrong man to pitch .Looking at the current state of my romantic life that offer was like selling Hajmola to someone starving in Ethiopia . An unintended but cruel joke.

This Saturday on my way to cafe I noticed that A gift shop in Great India Palace shopping mall had an offer on some Heart shaped soft toys " This Valentine Buy 3 Get 2 Free". That made me wonder about who in these times of recession can afford 5 Girlfriends . Curious to see such people I walked in to the shop and started browsing through the cards . Man those cards were BIG and not to mention expensive . after a minute or so of browsing cards I proceed to check the soft toys section. There I saw a very pretty girl checking out those stupid "Winne the pooh" and "Hug Me " teddy . I was intrigued. What is she doing here ? Is She "Buying "gift? that's anomalous .

God's grand cosmic design has placed girls at the receiving end of gift food chain. who is this creature challenging the cosmic code ? since its not everyday you "spot" girls buying gift and finding a pretty girl in gift shop around valentine day is next to impossible . so I thought of exploring a little more . Curious (ya I am very curious by nature ) I walked to her casually and started thinking about how to start the conversation

[Me ] Nice Stuff here . isn't it ?

(she looked at me and scanned me from Head to toe like an MRI Machine . apparently she didn't find anything wrong so she choose to respond).

[Girl] Ya and this time they are not so expensive .

( This time ?? do she had to buy gift every valentine .How unfortunate ? what a shame for masculine of human species ).

[Me ] (tactically not looking at her) This time ?? So you gift yourself this stuff on every valentine day ?

[Girl] (suppressing a smile and raising eye brow ) Excuse Me ! What made you think I am gonna gift it to my self ?

( its such pleasure when a pretty girl have a sense of humor to understand my joke . whenever it happens my first reaction is "She must be a firang NRI " . Outside of one exceptional indecent this assumption has always proven right )

[me] Oh I don't mean you don't get gift . I am sure you do .
[Girl] (chuckling and thinking of herself like Kareena Kapoor ) You bet I do .

[me] ( damage control mode ,switch to plan B) I agree.I just thought You are gifting it to your self because....umm lets say you are holding on for Mr Right . Right ?? (This always works )

[Girl] ( No effort to hide the smile ,this time ) Very Smart . humm .you use this trick often ?
[me] Well not often . Only during Valentine season.
[Girl ] (Laughing out loud ).

(apparently her wind chime like laughter drew totally unwarranted attention from store attendant and he walked to me and said " Can i help you sir? )"

[Me] Ya I m looking for something .
[Attendant] What ?

[Me] (thinking hard ) Well I am looking for a teddy bear with "Marry Me" written on it
[Attendant] Sir woh tou mushkil hai ..abhi tou season ka maal he stock mein hai
[Girl] [Me] (laughing loud again.)

(attendant walks away feeling embraced)

[Girl] (controlling her laughter ) Oh My God that was funny .
[Me] (gigling) and honest too . BTW I am Prashant
[Girl ] Hi I am <I am not gonna tell you her name >
[Me] Nice meeting you .
[Girl] same here . wait my fiance would love to meet you . he is in next shop.

[Girl] (understanding fully and enjoying it ) What happened ? disappointed to hear that ?
[Me] No . Come on . Of Course not . (smooth under pressure..That's me )
[Girl] sure ?
[Me] YA sure ..and .Why would I ? . You just saved me cost of two coffees .
[Girl] ha ha ha . you have a great sense of humor .
[Me] ya I heard that before

Few min later her Fiance enters the scene with three shopping bag . He was a dusky ,south Indian guy of medium built with glasses but Handsome nevertheless . Together they make a nice couple .

[Girl] Ravi , this is Prasahnt , Prashant This is Ravi , My fiance . The Mr. Right

We shook hands .

[Ravi] and you guys ....??

[Girl] We just meet. He was flirting with me.
[Ravi] (smiling ) Bad Luck Dude . you are six month too late .
[Me] (smiling ) Ya but looking at your shopping bags .I guess it happened for the best .
[Ravi] (Laughing out loud )... Thanks for understanding Man .But atleast I am paying in Rs now . it was worse while we were in UK.

(See the NRI Theory was right )

[Girl] Excuse me. I don't do much shopping . its only that stuff which I need . You guys are so mean .
[me][ravi] (looking at the BAGS) right ...(laughter)
[Girl] so I see you two ganged up .. good.

That followed up by a casual "get to know " conversation .Ravi insisted for Coffee but I refused . I wished them luck for married life and bid adieu . they promised me to invite on their wedding . I took their permission to publish it here and they said OK as long as their identity is not revealed (Ravi is not full name).

After a long time I meet some people who are not closed shell and had good sense of humor . It was refreshing to see that there are couples who don't let the whole relationship stuff get in to their head . I wish them Happy valentine and a happy married life . At the risk of sounding rude I would say that going forward their biggest challenge of living in India will to remain as open minded like they are now . I wish them good luck for that too. :)

Anyways So back to whole Sec-18 Market and my weekend book reading rituals. so after this funny encounter I walked my way to Kaffia , a Cafe in Sec-18. I was hoping to finish reading latest books in my collection. But fate has other plans because another interesting indecent was waiting for me there . It was no at all like the previous one and I was only a silent spectator to it . I will tell you about it in next post .

photo credit :jamminjj

"25 Things About Me " meme

2009-02-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

Facebook seems to be breeding ground for some of the most interesting meme I have ever seen on internet. Sometime back I Blogged about Page56 meme. Now a days whole world seems to be busy with "25 Things about me" meme. its an interesting thing . You are supposed to write 25 little known facts about you and tag 25 of your facebook friends . I came to know a lot of interesting things about my friends . so today i decided to jottdown some little none facts about myslef.

Here they are ...reproduced for the readers of this blog

25 Things About Me

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

First and formost I think that Mobile Phone is the defining invention of our era. its equivalent to the invention of Printing press ,Internet and electricity.
Few times in my life i had foresight dreams where event i saw in dream, happened in next day or two.
My childhood ambition was to be a Ninja ,Monk,Super Commando Dhruv & Astronaut.
I spent most of my childhood watching TV. I used to be in awe of Siddharth Basu and never missed his show "Quiz Time".I used to stay awake till late night to watch "British Airways " and "Master Card" advertisement during NDTV's show "The World This Week". I cried once while watching a Serial named Oshin .
As a kid I used to read 4 news paper in a day now i read 50-100 Article per day.
I have my own bucket's list and i have crossed only few items in it .
I prefer sleeping in my Jeans and Tee Shirt .
I love my family . Specially my younger brother. I can kill for him .
The best complement I received till now is "You are the only person I know who has experienced life completely , in all its shades".
I believe that The best complement I can give to a girl is "I want you to meet my mother".
I Love beer but hate whiskey and other hard drinks .
I never had a date while I was in college . Two girls asked me out but I refused .
I am a Yellow Belt Level -2 In Karate , I hope someday i will get black belt too.
I think Jeon Ji Hun, Simmi Grewal and Gayatri Devi are most Beautiful women in world .
I used to write cryptic love poems for my friend's Valentine cards , where Girl's name can be seen by looking at text in a specific way.
I suffer from acute wanderlust . I can't travel enough . when i go on trips I prefer to walk. I am looking for a travel companion who look forward to TRAVEL and not too eager to REACH.
I would love to have Sara Heinrichs and doublecappuccino (seth) as wedding photographer for my wedding.
I hate the site of homeless kids . Feel like taking them home . I will adopt a kid someday.
I want to attend TED Talks and do a similar event in India.
If I can get away from it , I would love to kill some of my teachers .
I am a Matrix Fan Boy .Its like a religion for me . I have seen the trilogy more than 50 times . I can recite all the dialog in sleep. I have read two books on it and every article ever published .
I love reading . If I like a book I will read it twice. First book I bought was "Journey to the center of world : By Jules Verne" and " Selected works of Khallil Zibran" .I was 13 and My dad was worried about my choice of books.
I love Korean movies. Three of my Fave movies are from korea.
I think too much and I want to change this about me.
When I will find my soul mate. I would take her to see Venice .
All though I don't usually express them at public forums but I have strong and robust opinions about topics like Philosophy,God,Democracy, Multi Verse Theory, Time Delusion and Simulation argument.
I hate the whole idea of growing up.
Thanks Rita,Sunandini,and Ekta for Tagging me in their entries .

Obituary

2009-01-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

Some of you know my fondness for word Serendipity . A part of it is due to the fact that its name of one of my fave movie. I don't know how many times I have seen it . Here is my fave scene from the movie . Just feel like posting it today.

and here is the Transcript .

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

Courtesy IMDB

Dealing with Acute Lonsomeness : A Surviver's Notes

2009-01-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by Scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable Than my own meandering Experience…

~Baz Luhrmann in Sunscreen

I am no stranger to lonesomeness. for past one and a half year I have been ALONE for most of the time .Eversince my flat mate Jitu got busy with his film making gig . I am pretty much living by myself .I was in a relationship but unfortunately it fell apart few months ago .This solitary existence played a catalytic role in withdrawl symptoms . Things were pretty bad at one point of time . Its not that I don't have friends. I have and they are dependable but calling someone over to your flat for a drink or some philosophical babbling doesn't justify the logistical difficulty (and cost) . Ergo I stay in my cocoon . waiting for the time when I will become a " butterfly".

I was forced to deal with this "urban loner ", "High Tech Low life " syndrome.Charles Darwin told us that In the process of evolution , humans ( mammals to be more generic ) develop some sort of equilibrium with their surrounding .This is how life flourish .While all the biological and ecological adaptations are gradual, natural and somewhat instinctive , same can't be stated for psychological adaptation.They are anything but INSTINCTIVE .Things are not in Black and white there. When things are inside your head you don't need to change the world you need to change your perspective . Easier said than done . Dealing with lonesomeness is one such thing.

My time as a loner has tought me that Lonlinesss is not a state of world its a state of mind .with that relevation I fought back and I am still fighting back and its fucking fun fighting it .This post is an attempt to share some of the tactics which has worked for me .I am writing them here so that you don't have to learn them hard way .so here goes .

Every Lonliness is a Pinnacle

~Ellosworth M. Toohey In The FountainHead

#1 Stop Mulling Over Your "Story" and Start writing it :

So Whats your story so far ? Let me gues .You are someone in his /her late twenties , staying away from parents for past 4-5 years , working with a leading software company , making a decent salary every month, You like your work but you also know that it's not world changing , you had a girl friend /boy friend but things didn't worked out , most of your friends have "other plans" everytime you call. You have some ideas for a starting a business /wrting a book / starting a project but things are stagnated . There is an inexplicable inertia all around you .Your parents are after your life to convince you to get married but you are waiting for your Lady Love(or Mr. Right ) . Usually you put up a brave front but one sublime day When you get frustrated you ask "Why Its happening to Me ?" . Well....there is nothing unique about you and ....It's not "happening" to You Damn it, you are doing it to yourself .

Mulling over your story is the worst thing you can do while facing the challenge of lonesomeness . You can think about your college days, that trip to goa with friends, your frust crush, first kiss [if any],first heart break , first job and First ["insert your mental cobweb here"] . This won't help. You can think about this till Cow comes home and you will still be miserable. Trust me I am speaking from experience .

You need to understand ..what ever it was... its over .There is nothing wrong in looking back at your life once in a while and feel nostalgic but don't make it a full time job . if you keep on rewinding those memories again and again they will loose whatever little healing power they have . and let me tell you what you are "Actually" doing . you are escaping and you are escaping to familarity . Don't do it . Your mind need stimulus .Go out create your new memories .explore life . what happened till now was one chapter of a long book named Life . Now turn the fucking page and write the next ...We are looking forward to reading it :)

#2 Don't think you are the only one :

One of the most common misconception harbored by any loner is that He is the only one in world going through it . That all cosmic forces are conspiring against him . Its not like this dude (or babe) . I have some good news for you .World is full of self proclaimed victims like you (one of the ex vetran victim is writing this blog ) . What ? You want to know where they are ? Well I can tell you some of them are sitting in front of a computer screen right now and reading this article, like you . Rest of them log in regularly at Facebook/orkut/my space . Patient in advance stage of disease becomes bloggers and you can find teminally ill folks at slashdot .

I was reading google trend report sometime back and learned that most of the time highest traffice laod on sites like Facebook, Orkut,Match.com ,Yahoo Chat is in late evening hours .and its consistent across Geography . Be it india , Korea , brazil or USA there are are people who don't have anyone to talk in evening . Take a look at this chart and see how consistently people are looking for the solution for loneliness .

So how does this knowledge can help you today evening when you will be alone again ? Well First off it will have a sort of placebo effect ..you may find an irrational (and may be false) comfort of proximity,connection and numbers . second you can rule out the "Fate-is-conspiring -against-me" theory ,third if like me you are thinking that Changing City-Country-Job will solve your problem than you can throw those hope away too .

Trust me, once you clear this crap out from your head problem will look very managable .

#3 Stop Comparing

When We are lonely We start comparing our self to people around us. We compare and we compare stupidly some common examples are

Situation( i ) : You see this always smiling guy with iPhone who flaunts it to evey girl in office and they swoon looking at the shiny toy . You look the "stardom" of guy and think "Man ! Whats the big deal. Don't they know that iPhone Firmware had this issue and it don't even let you access file system and there is no fucking Cut-Copy-Paste in that . My Nokia N95 is far better than it . Why don't they see Me and My N95" .

Therotically you are right. May god give more Power to you "theoretically" . But in the mean time that "jerk" will keep on getting one date after another .

Situation (ii) : You go to neighbourhood shopping mall .you see a newly wed couple where lady is holding (clinging) arm of her "Hubby" while navigating her way through the crowd . you think "Man ! How cute. such a gesture in today's time ?What a Lucky Dog "

Example (iii) :Your married friend seems to be having a perfect life He just got a new job and a second car .

Example (IV): Someone less competent got a promotion ,while you suffer a 10% payrise .

I can go on and on ...List is endless .

To sum up It appears to you that whole world is living in the state of blissful joy .Like they are celbrating the second coming of christ . On the other hand in your life. its like an eternal month "ramzan" and you are thumping your chest like rudaali . You know something ! you are stupidly selective in your observation . I was like you only before I wised up.

Solution (i) : Chances are that this "always smiling jerk " is not that popular as it seem . Do as I say. Talk to one of those girls ..talk to them for 5 min ..Mention his name once and than wait, beat around the bush. I bet you will see the dirt .No,You will see a Cloud of dirt . A Massive explosion of dirt . In that explosion of dirt you will see the "eternal truth" which has always elduded the masculine of human species . " If you think that you are popular with More than one girl chances are that you are popular with none of them ".

So next time you see such "hot shot" .Just close your eyes imaging a huge explosion of dirt bomb . you will feel better .

Solution (ii):

Do you know that most of the time when newly wed women do that "Cling-the-arm-in-public" stunt is when

A more Hot single chick is passing by . it's women's code of saying " Stay Away Bitch , He is My Catch"
They are wearing a sandal with pencil heel .their clinging to hubby's arm is not a gesture of emotional support or something, its a gesture of support ; litreally .

This is not to say that this gesture doesen't mean anything . It do but when such actions are driven by genuine love, admiration and dependebility then it will be very pure . The vibes won't make you feel bad about yourself . Its hard to explain the diffrence . you will know it when you will see it . I have seen both and from compelte strangers . there is a hell lot of diffrence .

Same goes for rest of the examples also . you are seeing wordl filtered through the lense of your biases . there is always another dimension . Often times when chips are down we don't bother to look for alternate explanation of events . We run with first thing that comes to our mind . sadly its in those un explored dimenstion that truth reside .Explore them ..look for alternate explanation .Truth shall set you free from truma of comparision.

# 4 Join A Gym - Excercise is just one part of it

For years I resisted any suggestion of joining gym and doing workout . Mere thought of getting out of bed and doing those funny things to yourself was a horror. Result ? I had a body which was rapidly turning in to a SCUD ( solid Cylinder of Uniform Diameter) and a stamina which was not worth mentioning . not a good thing for someone with the ambition of dating Sania Mirza . So Sometime back i joined a gym in my office building . It was very hard initially I felt pain in those part of my body which i didn't even know I had . Talk of self awareness !

But one unintended influence of going to gym was the people I meet there . I meet a middle age housewife working in a software company .Mother of a 4 year old kid . She told me that She do gym not because she aspire to be a slim "in shape" chick but becuase it keeps her mind fresh and clear the stress . One shower after an hour of workout and She feel stress free . In the absense of regular excercising she becomes edgy and restless . Her husband is so happy from the change that he makes tea for her in morning so that she can do gym.

I meet a group of 4 guys of my age.Listening to their conversation in shower room is like daily dose of laughter challenge . they told me that they come an hour early to office so that they can have fun in gym . otherwise its boring life in office .

what you see here ? these are people who don't let things happen to them .when they see some thing wrong with their life they take action to fix it . scope of their action might be limited to their life only but still we can learn from them . They don't drift through life . this is the type of people you need to interact with when you are alone . so that you don't resging your self to fate . BTW I've started wearing my body hugging T shirt again and it don't feel that odd . : )

# 5 Call your parents more often :

Your parents can sense your trouble from miles away . even on phone . they can tell something is wrong . so you think you can save them from trouble by avoiding to call them . they will still sense it . so best bet is be regular ..more regular in calling them and based on your comfort level discuss what you are going through. they are one of those very few people in world who won't judge you no matter what . so be little more open to them . I don't know why it helps but it helps . Of Course their is a sideeffect that you will have to field the Questions about getting married but I believe you can handel it .

#6 Go Ahead Talk to "that" Girl /Boy

This is a bit risky but worth trying . You don't really know this person. you see them once in a while ..around you but have no direct communication link . there is something about them there personality , mannerism , their eyes ,their look , their aura or something inexplicable . complicated protocol of social formality dictates that you shouldn't venture to talk to them . unless you mask it under some stupid "friend" stuff. I strongly advice that if you think that talking to this person will be helpful than go ahead do it . Most people respect your honestly If your intentions are clear . its risky because

A) Most of the time this occurs with the person of opposite sex so often times we confuse it with Crush or something .As I will explain in next point that its anything but crush .

B) You can get rejected or humilated if the person whom you talked to turns out to be shallow or uncommunicative .

If you get humiliated or something than please be easy on your self and other person . see there are so many folks around us who play the victim card to get sympathy . it may be the case that person you are approching has been tricked before on such things . HE/She has good reason to avoid you . Eveyone has got their own history and their own cross to carry .

But my Life's experience tell me that people are more nice than society allow them to be . Since each one of us has gone through this phase at one time or another so most of the time they try to be help.Its a risk nevertheless but a risk worth taking . I talked to someone about my problem once .Someone whom I didn't knew much . I was lucky than She didn't turned out to be a jerk . Did it helped ? You bet .

#7 Remember Relatioship is not a cure of Lonesomeness

You are going through this period of extended solitude and someone who is your well wisher suggest that "why don't you start seeing someone ?" .Its more likely if you are suffering a breakup . suddenly you will see a whole army of friends trying to set you up with another friend of theirs (who in all pobability is also suffering from same problem) .you are so distressed that a slightest of comfort will seems like a Manna in dessert. you will fall for it . and agree to meet . you will tell yourself ..after all its just a meeting .

This is a Trap , turn back and RUN ..Run for your fucking life or else few months down the line you will wreck two more lives . one of those will be yours . This is one point where I am not speaking from my own experience . But I have seen it happening from sideline. I have seen it way too many times that i think its true . Why this happen ? because the foundation of that realtionship was pain . it was never meant to last . Its like dating your dentist . you can only have 32 trips on the pretext of your "Problem" . if you want the relationship to last beyond that than it better have some thing more real and more robust . Sadly this is not true for most of the cases.

# 8 Learn to be comfortable with your self

Being Alone force you to be in the company of one person who matter most in your life YOU . We feel bad because we don't really know this person or we have forgotten whatever little familarity we had . whats left is a chaotic mix of your friends and family's opinion . without rhyme or reason . Take this time to sort it out . Take this time to be friends again . Its not some freudian crap i am talking about its your life which is being dicussed . As I don't know you so i can't suggest what you should do specifically . but i can tell what I did so that you can get a general idea .

Once i resolved to fight back , I realized that only thing i have on my side is time . I started using it for good . started spending time on my self . All the while i knew some of my prsonality issues .aggression , too much analysis , too mcuh involvment , too much spending , etc etc . I always wanted to work on them and improve them but never did. with nothing else to do i started focusing on these aspects of my persona . Initial result are very encouraging. You will be surprised to see what you are capable of . It require a lot of disciplain initially but soon it becomes a routine . Today I wake up early (5:30) read a book for an hour, walk for 10 -15 minute. every weekend I do my own laundry .I have actually started saving . all this was stuff of dream few months back .

I am nowhere near my goal . I am nowhere close to attaining my residual self image. there is a long road ahead .whatever I have achieved till now are my private personal accomplishments.I am sure their will more acid tests down the line .It will be hard but for the first time in many years I want to give it a good fight . for the first time in many year i am starting to believe . I doubt if any of that would have happen without the opprtunity of self reflection offered to me in the disguise of solitude .

# 9 Work on your interest :

You are single , you have a 5 day work week , you have some money to spare . you might as well use it on doing all the stuff which makes little sense to do but which you always wanted to do . Travel to little known places , Read those obscure book you heard about , buy yourself a set of lego bricks,Indulge in Window Shopping .kind of stuff which is generally associated with kids or old people . They do it due to lack of other option and its unlikely that they wil be able to alter their life in any siginifcant way by doing that . but you are still young you can use the learning for your own good .

In last 06 months or so i have traveled a bit . read some weird books like simulacra and simulation , tried my hand at lego bricks .I learned to paly opening chord of "Ajeeb dastan hai ye" on aryan's synthesizer . I am proud of every single second of doing that . find your own muse and you will be happy too . [ By the way Making model with lego bricks turned dout to be more difficult than I imagine . other good thing about having lego blocks in your apartment is that you have some bright colored thing around . ]

#10 Fix your dinner your self

I Love cooking so I am biased on this one .It may or may not be usefull for you to same extent . But it won't do much harm either . I learned to cook three chicken dish , i can make a brittish breakfast of pan cakes and many such stuff . How i did that ? By putting my laptop on refrigerator in my kitchen , searching google recipie , watching youtube video of cookery demonstration. while listening to some song using winamp . It was Fun ! Try it .

By any standard I am still a loner and I have a long way to go . But it hurts me a little less now and I am fighitng it . I dare say that now there is some fun in this .I write this so that you can also look at it in same way . I hope that these rants are usefull for you .

Thanks For reading a Loooooong Post .

Papa, He Loves Mama

2009-01-14T03:37:00.000-08:00

I'd give all wealth that years have piled,

The slow result of Life's decay,

To be once more a little child

For one bright summer day.

~Lewis Carroll, "Solitude"

Sometime , somethings happen and you wonder is just co incedence or causality at work. for past 2-3 years I was looking for a song called "Papa , He loves Mama" . I heard it for the first time in college days . My friend Apporv Pandit had it on a Good Old Audio Tape . The childlike voice in the song is simply spellbounding . Back than mp3 and stuff was not mainstream . so i borrowed the Audio cassette from my friend and copied it . and as it often happen with the things you like most .. I lost it on my way home .

I never found any other copy in any goddamn music stores in country.Every now and than I checked every torrent and music sitehoping if someone has uploaded the song there . but result ? No, Zilch ! NADA! . I gave up around a year or so back . I was happy humming it ..If you know me in real life you might have found me humming it often . so what does all this got to do with co incedence and causality ?

Well I was refreshing my feed reader and saw this post on childhood Memories by Arunima . I am kinda sucker for all things realted to childhood . so i read it and for one more time i thot of the song . but for some strange reason this time i checked on YouTube ...and Bingo !!! there it was . someone has recently posted it on YouTube . Reading the comment I found that few more folks were also looking for the same . you can see the You Tube page here . I have embbeded the video above too .

So here it is folks . One of my Fave song for you to enjoy . Have Fun. It's a very cute song .Thanks Yeuhgh for uploading the song . Thanks Apporv for introducing it and Thanks Arunima for writing the post which made me search it today . You Guys Rock!!