Bade Acche Lagte Hain

Life for single guy is tough. It’s a never ending stream of explanation. You have to explain your decision to everyone and everyone  has a piece of cautionary advice for you .be it your parents , family members , friends , colleagues, neighbors, landlord, house maid ,cleaning lady(  you are single and ask me to mop your floor daily?? even married people do it alternate day ), autowallah and security guard in your housing society ( why you live in a 3 BHK sir ..You are not married).

Couple of years back ,when all my friends were getting married in rapid succession and I was under great pressure I decided to take a stand that I won't tie the knot because of age and peer pressure and hold out for right one for me .At that time I grossly underestimated the hostility of people toward the very notion of single hood. Our society looks at being single not as an individual choice but as a societal anomaly. A denim patch on their satin smooth social fabric. I discovered that more often than not people look at me not  as someone who is questioning The wisdom of  their decision of getting married & passing a judgment .  For the record that wasn't my intention ever. There were people who get offended with my so called stubbornness and than there are people who are genuinely concerned.  Whatever their motives, both are a big pain in "you know where ". So during last couple of years many people had tried to convince me for getting married.  I have been through the drill so many times that now I have a standard response to all their tactics & arguments. Here it goes..

Reason #1 Good Homemade Food (I am not looking for a catering arrangement, moreover please come to my flat for dinner someday and then open your mouth). Acceptance in society (I am not really crazy about being accepted by bunch of bozos who can't think for themselves so spare me). Sex ( what’s that ?? ) , who will serve you when you are old (Don’t worry it won’t be you . you won’t be there probably  plus  right now I am more concerned about what to do when I am not so old ) . Biological Clock  ( tell that to salman khan ) , You are not salman khan  ( yeah that’s why I am talking to you ) .  You are not a GAY...are you? (You really want a proof?) (Btw just FYI, because of the very nature of enquiry  ...this threat work on both sexes). Anyway I was under the [false] impression that I have known all their tactics and I can deal with any adversary. As usual I was wrong , for past couple of weeks or so, that  whole god damn clan of my unwarranted well-wishers has added a new weapon in to their arsenal. A TV serial name "Bade Acche Lagte hain (BALH) “.

I am not a TV person. In fact my disdain for stupid TV soap operas is well known amongst my friends and family. so I was amazed when sometime  back a college friend of mine  called me and said  that he remembered me after watching a TV serial . He suggested that I should watch it too. I said I will. Since then it has been a consistent stream of recommendation from every quarter.When I was in Singapore last week for a conference. A business associate asked me why my wife hasn't joined me for the trip. On learning that I am still single he recommended that I should watch "Bade Aache lagte Hain “. I cringed and decided I would check out what the Big deal about this show .

So last weekend I spent couple of hours in watching first two episode of this serial on YouTube. I was surprised to know that it’s produced by Ekta Kapoor's Balaji Telefilms. More surprising was the fact that the  name didn't started with a  "K" .  I guess in that case the name would have been  "Kabaadi Acche Lagtee Hain “. Other offbeat thing about the story was that it was dealing with a pre marital   theme. Ekta Kapoor is not known for that kind of stuff. Her specialization  is in stories related to post marital traumas  involving" over dressed -sleep-with -jewelry" In Laws , scheming housewives and a perpetually living old lady named "Baa " . These elements were missing. At least so far.

Any way the story revolves around these two characters. A girl in her early thirties (33 if you really want to know, I was just being polite) and a slightly oversized dude in his forties. Obviously both are single and not really crazy hot about getting married anytime soon. The guy is a millionaire who runs a business empire and buys private jet on the drop of the hat. I don't understand why all these stupid script writers who are probably  underpaid jhollawalas  are so fixated with the idea of portraying the male protagonist as millionaire. Even in supposedly offbeat stories. It un necessarily raise the bar for rest of the men. Anyway back to the story; the   girl on the other hand is from a middle class family who is supporting her family and ambition of her younger sister by teaching in a GRE TOEFL training center. Both of them are pretty much taken for granted by their respective families. Only reason why their family put up with them is that they bring in a hatful of dough every month. 

As typical to Ekta Kapoor stories both of the protagonist defies every law of genetics and behavioral inheritance known to mankind.  The guy's father is dead 10 year back but before old man died He was married twice (that alone explain why the dude is still single, he learned from mistake of his father). So our hero is now living with his step mother, who in some other life could've been a good candidate for him to date. She looks hot for age if you really want to know.  Anyway what makes it funny is that how come someone who is horny enough to marry twice and manages to find a pretty hot girl even in old age has a son who is not keen to marry even once and from the look of it gives an impression of having a terrible sex life. Even his personal secretary looks more like a fugitive nun from some catheradel. Poor bastard. I kinda feel sorry for him.

Anyway the case of girl is more intriguing. She is proverbial girl next door. She believe in love and gives a mushy lecture on “meaning of love “to her student. Though hers is not a case of step mom, evil sister and all that snow white crap but her mother is a loud mouth, self promoting lady  who reminds you 10 times in two episodes that she was Miss Bhubaneswar. The younger sister of our homely babe is an aspiring model who has won a beauty pageant recently and she is at her bitching best while dealing with her sis. But our homely babe has got an Heart of Mother Teresa and she  takes it in her stride and ignore it on account of the fact that they are all in a family .Big deal.

Looking at the contrast of characters that apparently grew up in same family makes you doubt the wisdom in all the things you learn about genetics and stuff in your high school science course.Both girl and boy has  got someone  who understand what they are going through ,feel pity , feel sad about them  but for some strange reason never muster enough guts to stand up and tell those people that they are not being nice to his /her  friend . For the guy it’s a dude in office who is his sidekick and for girl it’s her father. Fellow victim of same disaster: his wife.  

Then there is drama: In the two episodes I saw on you tube. Both girl and boy keep on running in to each other but they never really realize how often their path had crossed. Some students in girl's class were reading a business magazine with a cover story about guy .Girl's sister ends up applying in a company managed by guys’ sister and finally epic of drama when Guys bangs his car into girl’s car. I guess our underpaid script writer at Balaji Telefilms took the metaphor of "crossing the path” a bit too literally. Anyway they still don't meet. than destiny( or Ekta Kapoor )  throw them  in a situation where guy meet the girl in a "perfect stranger " situation in a hotel  and pour his heart out on slightest of provocation .He tells her  " how lonely he is ? how he longs for someone to understand and accept it and stuff like that .." . Of course they can't see each other and go separate ways  guy feeling light after making a confession and Girl feeling light after hearing it . Both of them were looking so light in that sequence that A still photo from that shot could have easily be used in the advertisement of  Dabur Nature Care. There is soothing background music to set the mood. You got the idea right? I could narrate you rest of the story but you will probably end up puking if I did.

Though the show is still on air but story line is more or less obvious. Eventually dude and girl will meet.  followed by denial,  followed by accidental discovery or eternal love which was always there,  followed by  resistance from family members ( who till yesterday  were very hot for them to tie the knot , go figure )eventually the wedding and happy ending and stuff . They might throw in sex in between somewhere to make it more interesting.

So what’s the Big Deal : ?

Ekta Kapoor is a business person and a very smart one at that. So in that sense her choosing to make a daily soap on such a supposedly offbeat topic of singlehood validates the fact that there is a big enough audience for the same. In short me and my folks are not the only one around who are dealing with this issue. Number of people is grappling with this issue of not being able to find right companion is big enough to warrant some media attention. but as it often happen with media , they pick up a fairly serious topic and botch it by treating  it in a immature and sometime downright stupid manner. BALH is yet another example of the same. Its very shallow in treatment .they are still relying on tested formulas.  It’s nowhere close to what happen in real life. 

For example take the core issue of why the guy (or girl for that matter) is not able to find the right match. The story seems to suggest that this happen accidentally. As if one day they wake up and discovered that they are middle aged .Modern day Rip Van Winkle or something. I don't think that’s how it happens. People do make a CHOICE to stay single. It can be forced, implied or conscious choice but there always is an option involved. Specially in India where arranged marriage is a norm.So logical question is that what are the factors which are feeding this trend?  I don't know the right answer but I think I have some ideas about the factors at work. I am listing some of them below.

Relationships: At the age of 16 no one dreams of being single at the age of 32. There is an old saying that “All Feminist are heartbroken romantics “. Most of the single folks I know fit that description. At some points in their lives they have been party to a dysfunctional relationship or witness to a terrible alliance from a distance.  I am not talking strictly about things like betrayal, Cheating, Breakup or divorce. These are relatively easy to deal and one eventually gets over them (I hope). What I am discussing is a situation where one know that He/ She has  made a wrong choice but now they are STUCK in a sub optimal alliance due to emotional or societal reason.

I know some cases first hand where people are not happy and are kind of dragging their lives. This is truer of Indian context where social cost /stigma of a failed alliance are very high. We might have less than 2 % divorce rate in our country but if Happiness is the parameter of a successful marriage than I am pretty sure that more than 50% of alliance in our generation and generation before that will be classified as sub optimal if not downright failure . And it’s not hard to spot them, especially in small town India where your life is pretty much a open book. Being witness to such stories makes one afraid and skeptical of whole notion of marriage. Though people might not articulate it that way and no one has systematically studied and measured it but my hunch is that this factor alone is the biggest contributor to the initial seeding of the idea of remaining single. 

 Money: by money I mean access to resources, access to discretionary residual income. This allow a fall back option.  This provides a scope of experimentation in life. For better or worse ours is the first generation in India to experience this. Our parent’s generation was in a "survival mode" for much of their life. Reflection & experimentation was a luxury they couldn't have afforded. Since they never had to deal with these issues so they have very little of wisdom to share with us on them. Ergo ours is a generation suffering from a sort of identity crisis. Since they are not sure "Who they are” and "what they want to do with their life” so it’s kind of tough for them to decide "who they want to marry”.

Denial: Access to money also gives a sense of entitlement & [false] self sufficiency. A flaunted indifference to our surrounding. Often time it tricks you to believing that we don't really need anyone to lead a happy life.  More than anything it allows you to re enforce & glorify your denials by external artifacts. Things like Cars, job, salary, luxury holiday or what have you. I have seen that most lonely person is the one who have got most things to show off. They still need to connect, they still need to validate themselves but they are in denial of the same and there is a whole industry out there to help them do it in style. This is most visible in educated elites with a thriving professional life but a less than happy personal life. Such people have very little room for accommodating someone else in their life.

Rigidity: The older we get, more rigid we become in our ways of doing things, in our world view and gradually lose the ability to adopt. And in our heart we know that we are losing it. We are becoming irrational and may be too rigid for our own good. We also know that any relationship involve adjustment and adaptation .so we are kind of afraid to get in to any such institution to began with. What’s funny is that I have friends who tell me that “I am single because no one can live with me? I am temperamental and irrational. People eventually want to change me and I don't want to change...blah ...” bullshit. My standard follow-up question: " At the end of the day Are you happy being irrational temramental ....blah blah blah. Will you be happy if you find someone who is absolutely fine with this”Standard Answer without a single exception” No. I am not happy but isn't I am too old to change now? Can I change at this age? " .

What a pity! This is plain inertia of habits, a comfort zone where you are comfortable, Alone, Accepted, sub optimal and single. I advice them to get out of it ASAP. But till this day without exception no one has followed or even considered my suggestion. 

Finally I believe there is statistics at works. It’s a known fact that in every generation a certain % of population remains single. In the same way as in every generation a certain % of people are homosexuals. Our generation is not an exception in that respect. What’s different in our case is that thanks to technology we are super connected and constantly in touch with people who in past we would probably have lost touch with. My dad doesn’t know where his school time friends are and if any of them is still single. But I know. So this phenomena of single hood is somewhat more observable now a days ergo it’s being talked about more. But knowing a statistical truth is one thing and being a data point in that statistics is totally different and somewhat painful thing. That brings me to the most painful part of being a single guy (or girl for that matter). That is dealing with your parents. No matter how educated or understanding your parents are there is one thing they are unable to accept.

“Not Everyone Get Married “.

पुष्प

पीड़ा सी तुम कहराती हो , लज्जा सी तुम सकुचाती हो 

बन कर आंसू तुम फूलों का ,टहनी पे ढलकी जाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

तेरे आँचल के ढलने  से , रात्री के कालिख धुलती है  

पा कर के तेरा सरस स्पर्श ,मेरी पंखुरियां खुलती है 

अंगडाई ले कर उठता है , चिर निद्रा में सोया संसार 

तेरी बूंदों का अमृत रस, करता उसमे जीवन संचार 

रात्रि की  भटकी नौका को , सागर तट से मिलवाती  हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

दिन मुझे आमंत्रित करता है , कलरव्  से कोलाहल से 

छूती मुझको तमहर किरणे , छन कर आती तेरे आँचल से ,

जीवन गाथा का खल नायक , वो दिनकर मुझे जगाता है 

पर उसे छुपा में देता हूँ , ढक कर पलकों के बादल से 

फिर तुम आ कर ओ निशिगंधा , मिटटी की महक बढाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा  करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

मंदिर से उठती शंख ध्वनी , मस्जिद से उठती एक अजान 

मुझे तोड़ने को बढ़ते , दोनों के अनुयायी महान

गुंजन कर आता भ्रमर पुंज ,लेने मुझ से मेरा पराग 

प्रेमी ले जाते तोड़ मुझे , फिर गाते अपना प्रेम राग 

चाहे जो अंतिम यात्रा हो , तुम धो कर के मुझे सजाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

बहती थी बन के जल धरा , तुम इस धरती के आंगन में 

में सुखी कंटक झाड़ी था ,जीवन रूपी  इस  उपवन में 

देखा जब तुमने मुझको , नव जीवन का प्रसार हुआ 

उस प्राण दात्री शक्ति से , इस पागल मन को प्यार हुआ 

पर तेरा मेरा मेल कहाँ ,तेरे चाहत वो बादल था 

वो रहने वाला नभतल का  , मेरा घर तो ये धरातल था 

देखा मैंने बस दूर खड़े , तुम कैसे वाष्पीकृत  थी हुई 

पाली तुमने अपनी  चाहत , बादल से एकीकृत थी  हुई 

पर रखने को तुम दिल मेरा , चुपके से झलक दिखाती हो ,

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

Pic Credit : PJR 74

On Calculative People

"You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ” 

Truman Capote in Breakfast At Tiffany's 

There are many side effects of being good at penmanship but one of the most taxing of them is the constant stream of request you receive  from friends and family to help them with their docs. I can't count how many speeches ,CVs ,Cover letters,SOP,party invitations, Resignation Letter and farewell speech I have ghost written . In my college days I used to be a busy man writing Valentine cards and love notes during V Day and Friendship Days. I used to enjoy it initially, It got somewhat mechanical later on but i keep on complying with requests as my schedule and energy allowed. However I was under the impression that I have seen all sort of request . So I was pleasantly surprised when I received an unusual request from an ex colleague of mine .She pinged me couple of month back.We weren't in touch for long time .We used to work together long back , when I was fresh out of college. I had a vague recollection of her.A sweet little non descriptive girl of fair skin tone . somewhat shy but ambitious and hardworking. She had borrowed my copy of Pickwick Paper and returned it only when i explicitly asked for it (twice) while leaving job. She had pinged me because she  wanted me to help her with filling up registration form on matrimonial website. This was new to me . So I agreed to help her in exchange of a weekend breakfast at Kaffia . so we meet at appointed hour , after 10-20 minute of catching up and remembering the good time at out first jobs . we got down to business . that's when I realized that I was in for some rude shock.

Deal was that I will provide the appropriate words, some well written broad theme for write up , some quotes and She will fill in the details.She pulled out her notepad and we started with writing brief indicative words to highlight desired personality traits for potential partner. she explained that she is a  shy, reclusive , un reasonable at times , moody ,rude with a me first attitude (only child syndrome at work here) so She wants some one who is socially charming , not very assertive ,who pamper her and don't think too much of her action .to quote her verbatim "you know na ..husband material ..not an intellectual type.just put it in such words that it doesn't come across like a pappu,rest I will handle" . She had done her research right , she said that she want some one who is professionally accomplished  but not aggressive . To my great surprise she said (and i am quoting her verbatim)"Guys from infy and programmer type because they are "manageable" MBA type are not Manageable". (Holy God!!) .

In short she was looking for someone who can put up with her abuse , Human equivalent of a doormat. while I appreciated her honesty and clarity of thought but I was amused to see her line of thinking .I looked at her, wide eyed. 

"What ? Why you are looking at me like that ?"   She said

"Well Nothing .. nothing just a bit surprised to hear your thought I guess " I said 

"You think I am acting mean , scheming and calculative don't you ? " she asked with a total calmness

"Yes ..In a way" I said as politely as possible.

"I guess I am , All my friends say i am difficult person and I don't have many friends.I know myself, I am spoiled by my parents I want same from my partner.its too late for me to change and I think I am not asking for too much I can find someone". She said ..nonstop seemingly talking to justify herself  to herself.

"Ya you can always find a sucker"  I said attacking her on personal front .I shouldn't .

"Sucker ?? You call it sucker ? I think its compatibility . I will be compatible with a person like that " She said.

"Yeah,Like a crack head  is compatible with drugs. That's not compatibility.its a type of hopeless dependence,an addiction,and trust me it will only get worse as year roll on" I said  

"see you can deny right now ..if you feel like its beneath your dignity " She said ,clipping me off in the middle of sentence . 

I didn't deny , maybe because it would have been very awkward , may be because of some social rule of politeness drilled in to my head or may be because something in me told me that She don't believe it .she is  just being "practical" .

" Have you wondered how your spouse will feel about it ? if he got to know why you choose to marry him ? " I enquired 

 

"He will never know .Actually That's why I asked you to help, I can't talk all this to my immediate social circle , we hardly talk na so you are just like stranger " She said with a apologetic smile . I was fucked in day light on breakfast table .

"I feel like a pen whore hired in exchange for a breakfast" I said sarcastically ( It Cost 150 INR in case you are interested).

I wasn't very keen to help her now . I was feeling like a fellow conspirator , helping her to set a trap of word to lure someone . but romantic in me somewhere believe that she was just overwhelmed by the social pressure and anxiety associated with wedding so against my better judgment I tried to explain implication of her action . 

"You are not understanding the long term effect of your choice here " I said, in a big brother tone " from your way of speaking it looks like that you won't be respecting this person very much . you are starting the process with a compromise . is it a good idea ? seriously ? why would you like to spend your life with someone you don't respect and who don't inspire you .from what little I remember of our time together you used to be very inspired by our MD, he was your role model. he was not at all like that"  I guess I was trying to  reproach her . 

"You don't understand how things are . I read your blog you are a romantic . I am not . Life run like that only .no one is perfect ."she said  with firm conviction.

 

"Well if your are OK with imperfect Life than you are living one right now ..why you want to drag someone into it " I was agitated.   

"See if you don't wanna help me ,say so. I don't want a lecture" She was visibly upset and uncomfortable.

"All right. I will " I said and for next 20 minute or so helped her in drafting some content . it was mechanical ,a formality because I was stuck there .She knew it too. We bid adieu after that . I doubt I will see her again any time soon. I am sure that I am not getting invited to her wedding .I didn't finished the breakfast too . 

I decided to take a walk home . during that 5 Km walk from Kafia to my place I was thinking about her .  I realized that Her flaw was that she was naive enough to admit her ulterior motives wasn't verbose enough to sugarcoat it . but fundamentally her line of thinking was not very different from many folks I encountered in life .some of them were very close to my heart . 

Strangely I thought of my fave romantic movie "serendipity ". I remembered that about a year and half  back a friend had asked me that "Why i like the movie so much ? how its different from any other nicely done love story" . I had no convincing answer to him at that time . But today I have . In that movie protagonist Jonathan Trager calls off his wedding even when he know that he won't be getting his soul mate . same was the case with female lead . they both realised that they don't love the person they are going to marry .so they act honest to other person and call things  off . eventually find each other in a serendipitous way . they were not calculative. They were true to them self . That's what I like about the movie .I was happy that my gut reaction in cafe was in line with my inner standard of morality . 

I know Life is not a movie. I know that serendipity is a very uncertain approach to life . but for now I choose it over being calculative.for my Ex colleague , I hope good sense prevail to her and she change her prespective .  I have one last thing to say to girls (and boys) like her and its based on my personal experience " Every human being have a breaking point , everyone develop a spine, a backbone over a course of time and when HE/She will develop that your calculation will fail you. Make your choices carefully"

Randall Munroe

As most of my friends know that I am a HUGE fan of XKCD comics . I can identify with many of the situation dipicted  in it . Its book marked on my Nokia E63 browser so that I can kickstart my day with a dose of Its special Geeky humor. But much as i love the comic I never really goggled for the man behind it .  so today evening with nothing to do and with no date for  Valentine Day  ( Life is a bitch !!!)  I started reading XKCD archives  and casually googled for the guy . So his name is Randall Munroe , an interesting guy indeed . I stumbled upon his talk at Googleplex . It s a funny discussion for XKCD Fans . you should watch it . video is embedded below .

this talk is spontaneous with some really light moment sprinkled throughout . I was surprise to see that even     Donald Knuth , legendary computer scientist and aothor of most authentic book on algorithm is also an XKCD Fan . He was there at talk .Knuth was one aweinspiring figure for me in my college days . Knuth's book gave me a hard time in college. whenever I opened it  I felt like shit . I will read it ( and understand it too ) one day sooon . Its a personal goal I had set for me long back.It was kinda good to see that Knuth had a sense of humor . So enjoy the video . and if you are uninitiated in XKCD than here are few of my fave scripts from it. Best of XKCD  . Enjoy !!

After Peter Thiel , Aaron Swartz , Kara Swisher , Sean Parker ,V.S.Ramachandran, and  William Deresiewicz ,  Randall Munroe is also on my list of  people to meet whenever i visit US.Amen!!  

निशब्द

देखा था उसको बचपन में , पाठशाला के आँगन में

वो भैया के संग आती थी , छुप छुप  के मिटटी खाती थी.

काजल से सनी आँखे मोटि, वो लाल रिबन  और दो चोटी

मेरे मन को बड़ी भाति  थी ,जब बात करो तुतलाती   थी,

सोची ना कभी कोई बात ओछी,  सिर्फ एक बार उसकी नाक पोछी

में  शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए ,वो फिर से मिली , लगती थी कुछ बदली बदली

वो संस्कृत मुझे पढ़ाती थी , खुद को मैडम कहलाती थी .

में जब उससे चांटा खता था , तो  अगले दिन ना नहाता था

मेने संस्कृत में टॉप किया ,किस्मत  ने प्लान फ्लॉप किया

वो  जॉब  छोड़  कर चली गयी , मेरी महनत यूँ छली  गयी

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्त्ब्थ रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए , हम किशोर हुए ..आस पास वालों से बोर  हुए

हम थे योवन   की  चोखट पे , जब देखा उससे चित्र पट पे

वो बेल सद्रश्य बल खाती थी , नायक से चिपटी जाती थी

बारिश में गाना गति थी , ना पूछो क्या क्या कर जाती थी

मेने  नायक को कॉपी किया ,पर बन ना सका  उसका  पिया

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

कालेजे  आया हम युवा हुए , लगता था जैसे खुदा हुए

हमारे दिल में एक सपना था , हमने दुनिया को बदलना था

हम तडित मेघ सुनामी थे , बदनाम बहुत  पर नामी थे

हम थे बड़े क्रांति कारी , वो आयी बनके विपदा भारी

आँखे उसकी  नूरानी थी ,वो पापा की  गुडिया रानी थी .

कॉलेज में जब वो आती थे , शर्माती थी सकुचाती थी ,

किसी से भी नहीं बतियाती थी , और मुझे देख मुड जाती थी .

था उसमे ऐसा आकर्षण , जैसे के दिन की पहली किरण

में  प्रिंसिपल से लड़ जाता  था  , पर उससे देख हकलाता  था  

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

फिर दिन बीते में बड़ा हुआ , आपने पेरो पे खड़ा हुआ

देखी जीवन की  धुप छांव , फिर आयी वो चंचला दबे पाँव.

अब मिली मुझे वो , मत पूछो कहाँ , में उसे पा नहीं सकता जहाँ

अब  मैंने  जब उसको देखा , तो  देखी एक  लक्ष्मण रेखा

है किसी और के वो संग खड़ी , बातें करती है बड़ी बड़ी

जीवन का अर्थ समझाती है , पर देख तिमिर डर जाती है

मेने ना कभी  इज़हार किया , उसने ने ना कभी इंकार किया

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

अब   दिन ढलता  है कार्यालय में , और रात कटे मदिरालय में

अब इनकम टैक्स में भरता हूँ ,  प्रति वर्ष  तीस प्रतिशत मरता हूँ

एक दिन केश राशी ,झड जायेगी और तोंद बहार आ जायेगी

एक छवि मुझे सतायेगी , रातों में मुझे जगाएगी

क्यों  शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा  , क्यों   प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

This  is something I wrote this weekend . a poem partially inspired by real life . It document my  search for perfection . I hope you like it .

Year 2009 In Books

Book Review and Travelogue are two things that I never did on Knowprashant . which is a bit strange as reading and travelling are my passion.so when two of my fave blogger Aaron Swartz and Paul Buchheit  published their reading list for 2009( Link Link ) I was very much delighted to read them . I spotted some good books there which i would have missed other wise . I will be ordering them in months to come.

One thing I liked about those posts  was the sheer rawness of the list . There was just the name of book , link to amazon page with an occasional line or two thrown in stating blogger's opinion but by and large you have to do your own research and make your own judgement .which is a good thing cause Books are very subjective things . its subjective narration of something from author's point of view and its subjective interpretation of the same thing by lens of reader's perception. you and I might like the same book but how it effect you might be very different from how it shape me .

so I decided to compile a list of books i read in year 2009 with a few lines about them . i hope you find some good stuff here . (BTW here I would like to mention that there is a new website in India by name of  Flipkart most of these books are available there and at a good discount .I have ordered 5 books from their and I am very happy with their service .They are AMZ of india .Do check them out )

• 1.In Search of Identity an Autobiography by Anwar El Sadat former president of Egypt . I first got to know about this book while reading Seven Habit of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey refereed to Mr.Sadat as a man who helped himself transform by sheer force of will. Book is good , straight forward and best part is when author talks about his time in prison . diplomatic shrewdness of Sadat is documented in brutal honesty when he talk about his experience of dealing with Soviet Russia and Swedge canal issue . I recommend it .Score 6 /10 .

• 2 Barking by Tom Holt : A work of contemporary fiction where a submissive attorney from London suddenly finds himself amongst his school mates who transform him into Weer wolf , than he discover his wife is a vampire and Ex employer is a zombie. its funny and a bit gripping in the start  but gets boring toward the end . good for in flight reading. Score 4/10.

• 3 Simulacra and Simulation By Jean Baudrillard :Its one of the very few e books i read and trust me this book was scary like hell. its a deeply philosophical book about the nature of reality and how we in modern world are totally separated from an objective reference of real and living is a simulacrum . this book was inspiration behind Matrix movies . It was originally written in French so English translation is a little TOO verbose and hard to understand .Honestly  I don't claim to understand it fully but whatever little i understood was enough to shake me . Recommended if you are in to philosophy Score 8.5/10.

• 4 Journey to the source : Dr. Pradheep Chhalliyil . a Book about Matrix Trilogy and how vedic mythology and Upanishads have influenced it . a great read from Matrix Fan .A fascinating introduction to hidden symbolism in movie  I enjoyed reading it .you might not find it that good . make sure you have watched trilogy 10 times before you open the book . you will find it un putdownable : score 5/10.

• 5 Logic of Life by Tim Harford : A good book about an economist's view on how our hidden rationality dictates our day to day decision making .worth reading once . Score : 6/10.

• 6 Don Quixote by  Miguel de Cervantes :  A funny book about the adventure of a middle aged knight in search of adventure . I read it before heading out on journey to Himalayas this year. I am glad I did that . Score 7/10 . 

• 7 Autobiography of a Yogi : By Swami Paramhans Yogananda : A fascinating account of life story of a hindu yogi.This book dispel the myth that our Hindu religion is all about faith without any scientific basis . With humor, wisdom, and heart, Yogananda relates the extraordinary events of his life. But those events serve as a mere instrument for conveying sublime truths-truths expressed in such clear language that everyone can grasp them. you will not be bored reading this book that in itself is a big achievement for a book dealing with the subject of spirituality , philosophy and religion . Recommended reading : A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it .Score 8/10

• 8 Siddhartha By Hermann Hesse :This was the book of year for me in more than one way . I have read it twice. all i can say is that after reading it I felt that  I should have read it few years back I would have been a different person today . Drop me a line in comment if you want me to buy this book for you I Will be more than happy to do that .seriously .A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it  Score : 9.5/10 

• 9 Man's Eternal Quest : by Swami Paramhans Yogananda . A collection of essays / talks given by Swami Yogananda about Life ,Truth , search of God ,Philosophy , Non Dualism , Joy etc. Good read if you are into spirituality ans stuff . I read it as i was fascinated by the author after reading his auto biography.

• 10.The Game by Neil Strauss: This is an outstanding book . on the face of it its just a autobiographical account of authors experience with the underground community of pickup artists . but under the surface this book teach every MAN an essential lesson of Self Worth  and confidence . This is a very  controversial book and some women might be (rightly) offended by the content of this book .Author's description of Women's behavior is less then flattering  but as author says in the book that at the end its a story of a guy who rewire his DNA and transform in to something of a girl magnet .This book teaches that external validation NEVER leads to self confidence it only creates dependency .its a Bestseller in all markets and every character in the book has made a booming business of workshops and seminar on the art of pickup .I can bet there will be a movie on this book very soon . Trust me  its INR 600 well spent . Score :9/10

• 11 Hitch hiker's Guide to Galaxy Part 1,2,3,4,5 : by Douglas Adams :: I wanted to read this series for a long time but somehow never got around doing that so when I saw the 5 book set on 60% discount I had no choice but to buy it . Its a funny book . you can't help smiling on authors way of describing events . I am literally in love with a character named Marvin, a paranoid robot. every paragraph of Marvin was a laughing riots . One thing you realize while reading these books is that how arrogant we as a species are about our place in universe .Universe is so mindbogglingly big . we are just another species here . this book looks at our life , tradition, ritual from the view point of interstellar traveller . i liked the section where a tribe adopts modern management methods to evolve . this book was like no other book i read before .Light reading, a lot of fun and new perspective .  Read all 5 of them its worth it . Score 8/10 

• 12 Jonathan Livingstone Seagull : By Richard Bach  It was on my reading list for a long long time .I was pleasantly surprised to receive it as a birthday present . A good allegorical story about the importance of following your heart's dream and doing what you believe in . It inspired me . Score 5/10.

• 13 The Language Instinct : Steven Pinker : A good book if you are in to how we learn , epistemology and stuff , this deal with the debate about Language and how each one of us is born with a capacity /instinct for it . its not something we learn from external world . good stuff . Score 5/10 .

• 14 Alice In Wonderland : Lewis Karol: Need i say something about this beautiful work ? Its timeless , simple and insightful . I am not good enough to rate or review it . 

• 15 dot bomb : David Kuo  a typical story of rise and fall of a start up in dot com bubble of 90s .I still don't know why i spent 100 INR on this book . only lesson i learned is that never buy book if its available on sale with drastic discount . score 2/10

• 16 The Secret : Rhonda Byrne : A VERY good book if you don't take the teachings too literally and make it an excuse for inertia and inaction. Law of attraction works . I have felt it . but Law of attraction is no excuse for inactivity you will still have to do the hard work . no silver bullet here in that sense . score 6/10 

• 17 The Well Beloved : Thomas Hardy : This book was a gift and a very good gift .I never thanked the person so here is a formal "Thank You" . This book marks  my return to reading of classics after a gap of few years .Its a story of an artist who spend his life in search of perfect lover and Finlay dies . I felt bad to read the climax. I sometime worry that the book might be prophecy .because the person who gifted this to me believe in prophecy and fate . Score 7/10 

• 18 The 38 Laws of Persuasion : Robert Green :: Still reading  ,good so far very interesting. 

• 19 The Choice  By Eli Goldratt Disclaimer:  I love author's way of thinking and often try to mimic his  approach in my day to day life ,with certain degree of success i guess  . if you want to buy this book i recommend please read The Goal by same author first .Score 8/10

• 20 Kamayani : Jai Shankar Prasad : One of the best Hindi Epic ever written . its a writing about creation and elements of creation and human emotions. Jaishankar Prasad's description of women is nearest to what i am seeking in a partner  ( asking for too much Huh ??) Score :8/10. 

• 21 Sri Ramakrishna: A Prophet for the New Age by Richard SchiffMan ( currently  reading) borrowed this from a freind I have no intention of returing it . Tood good a book . 

• 22 Thus Spoke Zarthushtra : Friedrich Nietzsche : To deep and philosophical .I was not in a good frame of mind when I read it so i am not forming any opinion about it . will re read it . keep watching this space.

• 23 Man The unknown : By Alexis Carrel  bought but couldn't finish . still half read .  

• 24 2 States : Chetan Bhagat :A very  Light hearted  read about authors semi autobiographical account of convincing his parents for a cross cultural wedding .I like the simplicity of chetan's writing and his sense of humor . Score 5/10 

• 25 Twilight : All right I admit I bought it shuffled through first 50 pages or so . couldn't understand what the hell was so special about it . apart from the fact that there is a boy who love to drink women's blood (Its usually other way round in real life ) . Luckily I had to go for a Birthday party in neighbourhood so i got this shit gift wrapped and gave it to a school going girl . Needless to say it was her fave gift this year . Weird World !! 

• 26 Madhushala : re read it . Need i say something about it ? 

• 27 Ignore Everybody :BY Hugh Macleod  This book is based on the hugely popular essay "How to be creative " by Hugh MacLoad . I have read this essay for more than 50times online I still  bought this book only for the purpose of gifting it to a friend. but ended up reading it one more time in print :) .You can read the transcript free online . Score 9/10.

• 28 Kill Bill Screenplay : read it online .good if you like the movie. Score 5/10.

•  29 Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau :This was the book  which inspired me to go to Himalaya . My friend Nilesh Trivedi suggested this to me . Good stuff something which make you see the rampant absurdity of  life around us and make you think about your priority in life .Score 7/10.

pic credit sunnyflag