When Bhuddha Meets Spidey

No , Jack Daniel was No Saint . But He did Started something of a Religon

Tagline of Jack Daniel Whiskey

In previous post I told you about my childhood fascination with Gautam Buddha and how I aspired to leave world in search of truth. I also mentioned that very soon I would be running out of my long-standing excuse of not going on the journey. Buddha was one influence.

There were few more Heroes of mine. Chacha Chaudhary, Super commando Dhruv, Oshin, Siddharth Basu, Vyomkesh Bakshi, & Spiderman. [ This is what happens when you spend most of your time in front of TV while your pals are playing "Gulli Danda" in street]. Out of all these characters Spiderman was the most influencing figure. So much so that my mom used to tell us that "if you don't complete your homework by 4:00 PM, I won't let you watch Spiderman" and I tell you there was not a single occasion when we missed it [provided that there was no power cut]. Such was the madness that my brother and me used to sing along the title song of that serial. We didn't actually know the lyrics but someone told us that toward the end of each stanza it says, "Here comes the Spiderman "and that was enough for us. We use to speak some gibberish all along just to say, "Here comes the Spiderman” just at the right time.

It was not just his superhero acts like casting web, punching hard, beating BAD guy and flying on threads, which made him my favorite. For me at least, part of his appeal was also due to the fact that his alter ego Peter Parker was a total loser in real life. Bullied by guys, good at studies, girls respected him but none of the damsels love him. I possessed exactly the same characteristic. [This respect Vs love problem is chronic in my life. will write a full post on it someday]. Anyway, so for a good part of my school life I was secretly wishing that one day some spider will bite me and I will morph in to some kind of superhero. But like rest of the females around me, females of spider species too, didn't find me worthy of a bite. All I was asking for was just one bite. Imagine how deprived of emotions they were [both spider and girls]...To hell with both of them...

At times I felt that teachings of Buddha & Spiderman were pulling me in opposite directions. Which was strange because I was under the impression that both of them were embodiment of the same principal." To think beyond your own narrow self interest, to think about your fellow human being and do something for them". But this knowledge doesn't make my quest any easier. Then one day while I was having a beer I had a flash of insight. [This usually happen after third bottle but that it happened on after first, so I have good reason to believe that there was more to it than just alcohol]. I wonder what would Buddha would have thought about Spiderman’s way of saving the world .so for last few weeks I was having this strange urge to imagine how a meeting Between Buddha and Spidey will go.

Than one night I had a dream and in the dream I saw Buddha and Spidey Talking to each other. [Trust me on this. I am not making this up. I actually had a dream. And Spidey looked a lot like me]. Like Carry Grant and Deborah Kerr, & Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan they were having this conversation on top of Empire state building. It was well past midnight [Which makes perfect sense since only watchman, BPO workers & super heroes work in the night]. Here is what little I remember of the conversation.

[Spidey]: " So you are Buddha."
[Buddha]: (Smiling) " Yes, I am. But not for you Peter .You can call me Siddhartha"
[Spidey]: Siddhartha, Ah that’s Better. But hey wait a minute. How do you know I am Peter?? . Oh never mind you are god you know everything.
[Buddha]: (Smiling) You can say that. I know a lot more than that.
[Spidey] :Of course you do. What brings you to New York?
[Buddha] :I am everywhere.
[Spidey]: [Smirking] All right .............Why you choose to talk to me? Why now?
[Buddha]: Well I want that we should work together. I believe we can do a lot of good to the world if we come together.
[Spidey]: <>
[Buddha]: [Amused] what is the matter? You think it’s not a good idea?
[Spidey]: Ah. Oh No it’s not like that Holy man.
[Buddha]: Then what is it?
[Spidey]: Well you will find it funny but last time some one asked me to team up with him was when I was talking to ...
[Buddha]: [interrupts] Norman Osborn ...The infamous Green Goblin.
[Spidey] :Oh so you know. Are you watching those stupid movies? Do you actually Buy Tickets??
[Buddha]: [smiling] You are forgetting something Peter! I am Buddha.
[Spidey] :Oh ya how can I do that ...YOU ARE All knowing All seeing,"No-Need to Buy Ticket " Holy Buddha.
[Buddha]: [Laughs] so what you think of my proposal. Lets work together.
[Spidey]: Well I am touched and honored by the offer but it won't be possible? I can't leave New York
[Buddha]: Why??
[Spidey]: Mary Jane.
[Buddha] :Oh. She is a sweet child.
[Spidey] :Oh you know her too. Nice. So you know I can't leave her
[Buddha]: And you can refuse this offer??
[Spidey] :I have no choice.
[Buddha]: Talk sense Peter, I gave up my family for the cause .I am not asking you to do the same.You can always stay in touch over cell phone and we will be coming to New York once is a while ".
[Spidey] :Its Not that easy Holy Man .You doesn’t understand. Time has changed. Long distance relationships don’t work. You will find me on phone all the time. How will I fight the evil of world with one hand??
[Buddha]: Umm...I will buy you a Bluetooth headset.
[Spidey]: Nice try. But it won't work.
[Buddha]: [Irritated] Are you telling me that you will pass on the opportunity to work with me because you can't stand a long distance relationship?
[Spidey] :In a way, Yes.
[Buddha]: You are no super hero
[Spidey]: May be. But at least I won't abandon my wife and family in night like you.
[Buddha]: That was below the belt Peter
[Spidey] :I don't see any belt on your dress
[Buddha] :It's not you. Its Mary Jane speaking in your voice.
[Spidey] :Oh! so you know that too. ...[Rolls his eyes]
[Spidey] :I am sorry Holy man! Please don't be upset. Your cause won't suffer because of my not being with you.
[Buddha] :I AM upset Peter. I need someone to reposition my teachings, to make them more relevant to this generation. And you are just the right Brand Ambassador.
[Spidey]: May be you can go to London and talk to Superman.
[Buddha]: Don’t tell me what to do. I am upset with you. I curse you that in next life you will suffer a long distance relationship.
[Spidey]: No! Holy man, don’t do that.
[Buddha]: You made your choice Peter. I can't take my words back.
[Spidey]: Holy man, don’t do that. What would I do?
[Buddha]: Relax Peter, you are a good guy. You will figure out a way. Remember what you said in the last scene of the fist movie on your life
[Spidey]: What?
[Buddha]: Remember…and you will find your answer. Take care and keep on doing the great work. My blessings are with you.
--------------------------Buddha Vanishes -----------------------------
[Spidey]: [walking and thinking] What did I said in the last scene of Spiderman Part 1. Damn... I shouldn't have slept in movie hall. What was it? Should I call Marry Jane?? No. She will be furious to know that I was sleeping. Gotta think of something else. God Help me...[Looks Up to sky]

[Off screen voice of God] whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man.

[Spidey]: Looks up in sky. Picks up his mask and says to himself: Who am I? I'm Spider-man.

At that moment my dream was broken. I was woken up by the sound of my cell phone. My girlfriend was calling. We had a pleasant conversation. I didn't mention about this dream. For many days to come I was thinking what Spidey would have done after that? I wish that I have the dream again and see the sequel. But it has not happened.

Then one day I found the answer at most unsuspecting place .In a sketchbook. I was having a dinner with my friend Sunandini Basu (AKA Soo). There I happened to see her sketchbook. She seems to have a fixation with another hero. Superman. There was some sketch that showed what possibly could have happened to Spidey after that meeting. I am reproducing it here with her permission.

So now its clear to me that in spite of common goal Buddha and Spidey cannot go hand in hand. But does that make anything easy? No. Moral of the story?

There is no moral I guess. You can't be Spidey and you can't be Buddha either. I will have to search for a new hero. How about being Prashant? Or Sunandini [for girls]. Does that sound like name of a Superhero???

Note: Regular Reader of my Blog might notice a spectacular rise in grammar Accuracy in this post . my Girlfriend did a proofreading of the draft of this post . Sso if you are having a sigh of relief because of lack of spelling and grammar mistakes on this blog than you know whom to Thanks :-)

[ First ] Love's Labour Lost

“First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.”~G. B. Shaw

Disclaimer : As I am writing this i am under influence of alcohol , not that I am a Tea Totaler or something but this is for the first time I am writing a blog post after drinking . and fact that you can read it means that I can write properly and which in turn implies that i didn't took beer in excess.


So when was the first time you fell in love ? if you are like majority of Indian male population than chances are that your last love was your first love and it was an arranged marriage .( if this is the case than I suggest that you might as well stop reading this post here only. if you choose to continue than don't blame me that i haven't warned you beforehand .)

If you belong to the minority of Indian Male population than chances are that you have long since forgotten who was your first love . perhaps She was a girl you saw in train , at Biology tuition , your English teacher , head girl in your school, your elder sister's friend who used to pull your cheek every time she came home or distant cousin of a family in neighborhood who visited them once in her summer vacation and you used to play Satoliya with her (she promised to come back next summer. you cajoled your sister to maintain a correspondence with her till the next summer ,you happily parted with a significant chunk of your pocket money in doing that but that girl didn't showed up in summer break) .

Chances are that all of these damsels are married by now and YOU are the one who is single . while reading these words may invoke long forgotten emotion in your heart but truth is that those girls don't give a shit even if you die tomorrow . I have no words to comfort you other than
" Welcome to the brotherhood " .

After these two broad segments there is a third and last category of Indian males , who either had a serious affair with the female in Q or somehow managed to marry her . they are so rare that we can safely call them Mutant . and exclude them from the scope of this study .

if you are in "Brotherhood " its very much likely that you don't talk about her too often if you talk about her at all (Thats why you are enjoying this post , you think i don't know ? ) . You often tell yourself "I can't believe I was that stupid ". Well you were "That stupid " but thats only half the truth . other half of the truth is more disturbing than the one which shows your stupidity . whats that ?

Time Travel

Imagine for a moment that I throw you back to the place and time of your first love and I force you to see all of your so called stupidity . How will you feel ? you will feel embarrassed to death ?
well ....not exactly .you will feel embraced for sure but you will see the other half too . the more disturbing half .

It happened to me yesterday a random event somehow reminded me of one of my first love . I was checking out Youtube to download video of some songs . while doing that I stumbled upon music video of a song from a movie i saw in college time . there in that movie was that girl Her name was Neha , She was an Actress ,Kareeb was her debut movie . When I saw that movie for the first time I was spellbound , I was awestruck by beauty of Neha . She was so innocent that my mouth was more open and my eyes were more wide than usual . I still remember the words i said "She is fresh n innocent like a dew drop " .

I felt She is the ONE . What the fuck she is doing in the dirty world of Bollywood . I prayed to god that the movie should fail and she packs her bag and go home . When i will start earning i will go to her place and marry her . (Seriously, that was the plan and because I was the one doing all the planing so there was no need of Plan B ) .

I learned that I was not the only one who was smitten by Neha Bug , few more guys in my hostel were suffering from it . we were sympathetic to each other and used to say "May the Best Man Win " . Those were the days when a beer bottle used to cost 70 Rs and it used to last half of night . three beer bottle used to be enough for whole night . I clearly remember one such night in hostel when two of us who were suffering Neha Bite (Back then We were very good at coining new terms ) were drinking .there was a Giant poster of Neha on the wall . the other guy told me a little secret which he never shared with anyone . he was firm determined to marry her , and you can't fail to see the conviction in his eyes . He was hallucinating. He said he has been to that college in Delhi where She was a student . I was impressed i said " I am touched by your emotion man , if i happen to meet her before you I will tell her about it , even at the risk of jeopardizing my chance " he said " I know you will , We are friends and don't worry i will take good care of her "

Than he went on to his cupboard and brought a brown envelop . inside that envelop was a Yellow dupatta somewhat similar to the one shown in the video embedded above . He tied it to the cooler and place the poster in front of it than he switched on the cooler . dupatta was flowing in the air somewhat in the same manner like shown in the video above .

It was his room ,his cooler and his duppatta so I let him play the role of Bobby Deol . We also discussed a scene in the song where she plant a Kho-Kho Kiss ( A type of Touch and run Kiss ) on Bobby Deol's Cheek .Grand jury of Neha struck guys unanimously declared that it was just the way a nice indian girl should kiss , not the way Karishma kapoor kissed Amir Khan in Raja Hindustani . we were two steps short of issuing a fatwa against Karishma .

We were a bunch of guys 19 years of age ,studying in a professional college ,we had cleared a highly competitive exam . what do you make out of our action ? Elixir of Stupidity ?? Teenage madness ??

Yes but thats only one half , if you look beyond the surface you will see something else . you will see that we were not afraid to dream . we were full of possibility , we were convinced that exceptional things can happen to us . We were special . We believed in fair play , We didn't mind loosing grace fully to our peers . We used to listen to PinkFloyd and we didn't wanted to be another brick in the wall .

They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

John Keating in Dead Poet Society

Today I go out on road and see a top of the line Land cruiser and wonder will I ever be able to own one ? today we assume that growth in workplace is a function of your capacity to involve in politics . there is hardly any sense of fair play left and while we still loose to our peers but we don't do it gracefully .

I guess i am growing up . I feel that growing up is just another name society give to the act of learning to limit your possibilities , to limit your horizon , to be realistic and stop dreaming and even stop achieving . People who become big in life are the people who refused to grow up .

Thats the reason people don't like to talk about their first love . Not because talking will remind them of the other person but because the talking will remind them of them self . what they were and what they are now . facing that is far more painful than facing all the stupidity .

I believe that no one ever loose the capacity to love . we just refuse to admit it .our subject of love changes over a periode of time . a teenager has a more propensity to fall in love with someone of opposite sex , same as a guy in his 40's is more probable to fall in love with a professional challenge and someone in his 60's is more likely to search for meaning of life . but with unfailing consistency i see that folks in every age don't follow their calling and pursue their love .

I0 year after watching Neha for the first time I am writing this post as an obituary to my first love . Today I have more than one explanation / justification to believe that first love not meant to be realized .

As someone in late twenties (All right !!! 29) i have developed some more passions . the startup I want to do , The world tour i want to go on , starting a college,making a documentary. I am sure you too must be having some such goals . I hope that 10 year down the line we won't be having similar excuse for these gaols too . I hope that we will be among the third type . i hope that more us will be mutants .

On Rudeness

My experience is that rude behavior is never forced upon people by circumstance. Some people are rude by nature, some people aren't. Don't tell me you have to be rude to people because of such and such. That's just rationalization.

~ Reg Braithwaite in Off Topic: Meanies!

I don't like rudeness , specially when I am at the receiving end of it~ Anonymous

I never meet a person who says that He/She like rude people . Everyone wants to avoid a rude behavior . thats very understandable . What baffles me is people's perception of rudeness and the approach they adopt to tackle with rude behavior. Most of the time people see rudeness as a personality trait .something in which you don't have a choice .something which is default to you . something as intrinsic to you as your skin . in short , majority of world thinks that Rude people are born rude or you can't do any thing about rude behavior of somebody who has passed a certain age .

I don't think so . I have seen enough of world to believe that rudeness is not a personality trait . its just a situational liberty which some of us exercise . simply saying people are rude because their surrounding allow them to be rude and insensitive . they have no incentive or punishment for acting otherwise . that makes both actor and victim an equal partner in the act of rudeness.

So whenever someone is rude with me First question i ask to myself is

"What's there in my conduct which made this guy think that I deserve this or I will take this & how can i ensure that this doesn't happen again "

Fundamental Attribution Error : (FAE)

The fundamental attribution error (also known as correspondence bias or over attribution effect) is the tendency for people to over-emphasize dispositional, or personality-based, explanations for behaviors observed in others while under-emphasizing situational explanations. In other words, people have an unjustified tendency to assume that a person's actions depend on what "kind" of person that person is rather than on the social and environmental forces influencing the person.

~ From Wikipedia

FAE is a powerful force . Our society have almost internalized this . Whether its a judicial system dealing with a criminal or a Church talking about Attaining Nirvana . Whether its a HR person discussing your performance appraisal or some issue where you disagree with your spouse . Whenever we analysis somebody's behavior ,we see the person in question as a separate , stand alone entity .

Psychology for the most part has been a study in dispositional analysis . We study individual , We study institution , but comparatively a very little research has been done on Individual inside a Institution .and whatever little study we have at our disposal is enough to shatter our understanding . some world famous psychological experiments like Stanford prison experiment has shown that there is very little of our action which is dispositional .

Recently I saw a video of a lecture by my favorite social scientist Dr. Philip Zimbardo . he was talking about "Lucifer Effect : How Good People Turn Evil ". Although his talk was mostly in context of Atrocities done by US soldiers in Abu Garibh but it is not very hard to extrapolate his teaching to our day to day life . I saw some similarity in the context of our understanding of Rude behavior . In his thesis Zimbardo explain how certain situations can lead our mind to believe that its OK to be cruel .

But You Can't Change Human Nature :

No Body can be changed by preaching , You are entitled to change only one person in this universe , that is you yourself ,

~Bhagwat Gita

Whenever I complain about rude behavior of people a lot of times I hear this line in reply ." You can't Change him/her . its His /her Nature" . It has been repeated too many time that sometime I tends to think if its true .

But I don't think its true . Human nature is not something you are born with ,we acquire it .Its not your skin tone or shape of your nose . Its just a set of rule , a code of conduct which we formulate to guide our action . our nature is dependent on conditioning .On what we see around us, how we are treated .what sort of people we deal with . Most of us have this false assumption that these exposers ,interactions leave a permanent effect and human being are not flexible /capable of changing their approach. They might not be open to change but they are surely capable of changing .

Some examples

I belong to a small city in Rajasthan named Sri Ganganagar . Most of the families in my neighborhood have one of their son/relative in UK/Canada . Every year i hear that one or two elderly parents have migrated to Canada to live with their kids . these people are in their late 50s or mid 60s. by any standard of conventional wisdom they are well past the age where they can change anything about there own thinking . Right ? Well................. Wrong .

On more than one occasion I have seen that these guys ,who seems to have strong opinion on Education, conduct,dress ,friend circle of female members of family in India , when they reach South hall they transform in to a Progressive mindset effortlessly . Drinking ,Dating , Late night parties are rampant among girls of UK based Indian and all of these old guys not only approve it but actually they are glad to be a part of it .

Funny......60 Years of "Nature" can easily be undone in 2 months . How ? Context and environment around them don't allow these guys to take liberty .

Australian feels pride in declaring them self as aggressive and say that rudeness is part of their culture . they use this justification to explain why their players pushed a senior Indian leader .I seriously doubt if they would have done the same with Queen of England . so much for Rudeness in DNA argument .

Google wants to provide free access to information to people every where . They refuse to alter the search result even if it hurts the sentiments of Jew . but they accepted the censorship terms with China . so much for mission & value statement . China didn't offer an option and Google Complied .

In 1984 New York city was suffering from a very high crime rate and vandalism on Subway trains . Subway was considered very very unsafe . so much so that Bernhard Goetz became a symbol of New Yorkers' frustrations with a high crime rate when he shot four muggers intent on robbing him on subway train in Manhattan . To deal with this problem Police department of New York city took a radically different approach called Broken Window Theory . Basic premise of Broken Window Theory is that if you change the environment or surrounding of people . you can effectively control their tendency to commit crime .

We don't need speedy justice , we don't need stringent law , we need better enforcement . the whole environment should act as a damper to the urge of committing crime . so in order to solve the problem Police Department , started removing graffiti from walls of subway stations and trains. their top priority was to make subway look exceptionally clean and managed . this had an magical effect . crime rate fall down drastically .

My point behind giving all these examples is that if change in situation / Surrounding can cause a different behavior in people in old age , Giant Organizations like Google, Proud to be rude people of Australia, Crime struck New York city . than why can't we expect to see a similar change in the behavior of rude guys around us .

Your Land Lord, Your Manager , The Guy at convenience store, Your Spouse . Why we are always so hell bent to accept it as "Nature" . is it FAE at work ? is it our aversion to act and escapism to see the reality ? or is it really something one is born with . what do you say ?

Word of caution

Article like this are provocative . they force you to rethink your assumption & steers up the emotion. things are complicated if you are in the receiving end of such behavior for sometime . I know an incedient where someone read a post of mine and had a fight with a colleague . He repent badly for his immature act . My experience is that such spontaneous out burst are not sustainable . you want to change people's behavior and conduct toward you ? than accept that it won't be done overnight . its a painfully slow process

Be very careful in your judgment about Rude behavior . is it a one off incident ...than its ok. We all have a bad day now and again maybe you just bumped into them while they were stuck at a low point. Problem is if its a recurring pattern. than you know its time to change circumstances . Because its not about him only its about You too.

Observations,Patterns and Exception

I spend most of my free time reading books , blog , journals, newspaper etc. I had this hobby since my school days . I was never too good or keen with sports . only physically demanding activity I indulge in is Traveling . But most of the time my travels are a way to facilitate my thought process only . some kind of walking meditation .

If you ask me to name something in which I consider my self "Gifted" . I would say its my penchant for reading on wide range of subjects , and My more than ordinary memory for things which interest me . Somehow I am always able to remember trivial things from past . This is a funny and strange combination . This cocktail of Reading ,Remembering and Analysis sometime gives me some funny insights . they are mostly not earth shaking but they are amusing .

I had one such observation yesterday . Funny thing is that I observed something , [i thought ] i discovered a strange pattern , I was amused and inflated at my personal discovery and with in few hours an exception of that pattern was staring me in my face .

I rarely share these discoveries with anyone . My Girlfriend is very bored with my sudden shouts of Eureka!! Eureka!! Poor Girl :( .

so I decided to spare her and tell you my weird observation . Here I go ,Keep an Aspirin handy ,

Biographies :

I read biographies of a lot of Famous and successful people from different field. overtime i Noticed a strange thing in most of them . Successful and famous people somehow know each other long before they became famous .you may ask Whats the big deal in it ? Well see it like this

Statistically Only 10% of people try to do something which has a potential of morphing in to something big and more than half of them will fail. out of these remaining 5% , only 1-2% of people will be BIG enough to attract public attention. Attention of ordinary people like me . now my Question is "What do you think is the probability of the scenario where these 2% of folks know each other or are associated with each other in childhood or long before they werer famous ? " I think instincitve answer is very little or almost coincdential . well i notice these co incedencec too many times . see this facts .

• Steve Ballmer and Scott McNealy were childhood buddy as they grew up in same neighborhood .One of them is CEO of Microsoft and other is Founder and [until recently ] CEO of SUN Microsystem . What was the probability of having two Key figures of PC and Computing Era coming out of same neighborhood ?

• Dhiru Bhai Ambani got his first Institutional loan of INR 80 Lakh from a Banker named K V Kammth , who was just a simple Bank Manager at that time . Today K V Kammth is Heading ICICI Bank , a leading private sector bank of India . and Dhiru Bhai Ambani created Reliance Empire . Kammth was main person in resolving dispute between Anil and Mukesh Ambani . What was the ODDS that a regular banker and Trader who did a transaction and end up as Key person in their fields ?

• Mukesh Ambani and Steve Ballmar were class mate at Biz school .

• As a KID ShahRukh Khan was friend with a girl [daughter of a family friends ] who used to accompany him to movies and they used to enact movie scene after ward . Name of the girl was Amrita Singh . She became a popular actress and SRK became King Of Bollywood .

• While ShahRukh Khan was in school , He took part in a play where he has to sing a song. Teacher thought that SRK is good with acting but it might not be a good idea to make him sing too. so He asked another guy from school to be his playback singer . Name of the guy was Palash Sen ,Lead Singer of Euphoria .

• SRK was part of a Theater group called TAG . His first movie was an experimental film , where he played a cameo role of a gay . screen play of this movie was written by Arundhati Roy .Arundhati won Booker prize for her debut novel "The God Of Small Things ".

• SRK's Father -In-Law Mr.Chiiba was a close associate of Dr. Zakir Hussain, Former President of India .

• SRK's first TV Serial "Fauji " was produced by Retd.Col. Raj Kapoor . Col.Raj was classmate of Shammi Kapoor , Raj Kapoor,Shashi Kapoor.

• SRK's ancestral house in Peshawar was only few blocks away from house of Prithviraj Kapoor .

• During his stint in politics Amitabh Bacchan bought a house in Delhi , which was few block away from SRK's Place .

• Hollywood actor Rusell Crow is a Relative of Martin Crow who was Captain of Newzeland Cricket Team .

• John F. Kennedy was Chief Guest at convocation ceremony of Bill Clinton.

I noticed few more points about few more famous personalities but i think these example are adequate to convey a point . Enuff said

Exception :

So once I knew all these facts I was feeling very insightful.As if I have accidentally stumbled upon some secret formula .After few hours of this cloud walk I noticed something in news paper about Geetanjali Nagpal, . An erstwhile model who once shared ramp with Sushmita sen. News paper story said she was living a life of poverty . my theory was proven wrong . or is it ?

Epilogue:

So this was my little story of the day , I am still wondering if all these were some random occurrence or it has a hidden meaning . I am not sure . what do you think ??

PS: BTW I share my birthday (24th of March ) with Steve Ballmer and Imran Hashmi . Now i am wondering if it is a sign of things to come .:)

Thanks for reading my rants.

UPDATE: Recently I came to know another supporting evidence. Before joining Microsoft, Steve Ballmer worked at P&G . He used to sell Brownies and Cake mix . During his sting at P&G Ballmer has some co worker .One of them was Jeff Immelt , He is CEO of GE Today. Other was Steve Case , who Founded America On Line [ AoL] . if that's not enough there was a third guy too. His name was Scott Cook who started a hugely successful financial software company called Intuit .Microsoft tried to buy that company but some legal technicality forced them to give up the idea. Now you tell me is it strange that i smell something here

Please Don't Try To Understand

What I think is that being Nice is Overrated in India

~ Mayank , said while talking to me over a beer .

I belong to a middle class family in Rajasthan, a provinces of Northern India . my early childhood was spent in a joint family . like every thing else in world, there are many good and Bad aspects of growing up in a Joint family too . which is fine with me as long as we acknowledge it as such . if we can tell a Bad thing a Bad Thing . where things get unbearable is when we know something to be bad and we try to present it as a Virtue .Long term consequences of such thing is very damaging .

One such tendency which is subconsciously drilled into our head by society is the importance of being Nice . we always love the kid who is obedient , who is not adamant , who is ever ready to make peace with everything and don't make you uncomfortable . whenever i go to a family gathering , wedding or some Pooja i see some kid who is too grown up for his /her age . who speaks politely and who can always be bullied by his cousin from metro city or Atomic family .

i once saw a kid who was being bullied by his cousin brother from Big City. This kid was asking for his Leo Gun which was his Birthday present but the Metro Brat simply refused and humiliated him . later in the day when i saw him sitting sadly at stair i asked him "why didn't you fight back ? why did you simply listen to Sonu's Nonsense ? " .

His reply was "I am elder than him, They are our guest and Good boys don't act like that " .

This kid was 5 Year old , only 8 month elder to the other Kid and his parents were elated and proud of him when i narrated this incident over dinner table . [ i told them bluntly that if they think its healthy for a 5 year old to talk like that than they are wrong ] .

I think his parents don't have and idea what they are setting him up for . They are preparing him for a life of Nice submissive idiot who will find it very hard to stand up for what he think he deserve and will always feel ripped off by other .

"You just can't make every one happy . How far would Moses have gone if he had taken a poll in Egypt?” : ~ Harry S. Truman

This Question by Harry S. Truman is very insightful . It shows power of acting on what you think is right without thinking much about the comfort or approval of others . sadly most of the time in India we teach our children to adjust . because their mind is very impressionable so a child learn to adjust very soon .

Growing up in a joint family I had my share of conflict between my interest and that of people around me . like the kid I mentioned above i was also not able to express my anger most of the time . I used to be upset with my parents when they didn't supported me even when I was right and I used to complain to my parents. They were always there to listen to me , but their advice was always the same . Learn to adjust .

I grew up believing that saying No is bad thing and whenever i said "No, this is not acceptable to me " i always felt a strange guilt as if i had failed to live up to the expectation of people around me . It was impossible for me to convince myself that you can not say "YES" always ,i had the example of my parents right beofre me . they were taken for granted , exploited , misbehaved and neglected by so many of my relatives but i never saw them expressing their anger or resentment to the concerned parties. they are epitome of patience . but i know that they were holding the anger inside . [i won't get in to the specific of it , as i believe that it happens in every family and all of my indian friends can relate to it "] .

so i was a nice guy all my child hood . i never argued,i was never stubborn , i was a bit too grown up for my age , many families used to give my example to their kids .Now things are somewhats different. Its been 12 years since i am living away from home . i learned a lot of things during this time . if you asked me what was the hardest thing to learn i would say it was "Learning to be assertive " .

I always used to wonder why i find it so hard to stand for what i feel is right. why i m not assertive like people around me . Why can't i say No ? My years in sales taught me to be assertive to certain extent when it comes to professional matter . but when it comes to personal matter . I still find it very hard to be assertive toward people round me .Even when I know I m right .

I am not the only one facing this problem . i am [perhapses] the only one to talk about it . i know a lot fo guys who find it hard to negotiate a good salary with their employers . i know a lot of guys who don't want to spoil there relationship with their Boss so they put up with his non sense . list is long.

looking at the incident like that of KID gave me the perspective on why i feel like that . why i am not assertive , and what is the root cause of it ? so sometime back i decided to find out some tips on increasing my assertiveness , i googled for it and find out a lot of good stuff . some article were plain academic crap , some were rants on how world is unfair ,but a few of them were really good . I read an article on this subject by Phil Kerslake . its very well written in layman's language . Phil says

"If you let yourself be pushed around by people, you'll resent them and yourself for it. Internalizing your feelings is unhealthy for you and your relationships. Asserting yourself is an effective way to take control of your feelings." .

He goes on expalining why you feel like that and how you can avoid it . its really worth a read . you can read it here . some other usefull stuff can be found here here and here .

Epilogue :

"When it came down to it, I guess my life was more important to me than his"
~ Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct 2

"The evil of the world is made possible by nothing but the sanction [that] you give it."
~ John Galt In Atlas Shrugged

Bad effect of submissiveness and lack of assertive apporoach is not limited to porfesstional life . it effect us in our personal life also . all around us we see people who are cribbing and whining about their spouse , girlfriends , family and whole world in general . they want the whole world to make them happy . what they actually need to do is to stand up and say what they can't withstand in life .

So very often We read in business press that Indian executive are not natural leader . they lack the confidence to take decision . after 4 years of working in software industry and dealing with American & European clients i can safely say that this perception is not entirely baseless . Indian are competent but [most of the time ]they are not assertive . Why ??

may be its because of our upbringing and the emphasis our society puts on being nice . sometime its hard to be assertive and nice at the same time . its a fine line and we are too afraid to cross it even at the risk of damaging our own chances .

So my advice to all of you is "Please Don't Try to understand and care for everyone around you at the cost of your own happiness ". If you are right don't give up just because it may hurt the guy who is wrong. in the long run it will be good for all of us . i will try to do it my self now onward .

Teachers ,Parents & Your Chance To Change The World

Give a Seed to a Gardner and you get a Tree. Give a seed to a Potter and you get a Bonsai
~~Chinese Proverb

When I was in eighth grade I read an essay in my social science text book. The central theme of that essay was to teach the importance of family in our society. Our teacher Mr.Gyanendar Mohan Sharma told us that if you want to change the world or make a better society around yourself the only human way were to teach good thing to your children.

He said "when your parents try to preach you something which seems counter intuitive to you, you should remember that they are doing their bit in creating a world in which they want you to live. You should obey it or at least give it a serious thought .Please don't dismiss them straight away ".

I was not sure I was able to grasp what he was trying to say ,but In any case I was not able to follow 80% of the things being said in classroom so I didn't thought much of it . But his words stayed with me till this day perhaps because he was my favorite teacher [well there was one more Fave Teacher: Jyotsna M'aam, but for entirely different reason. I don't really remember which subject she used to teach but I remember her.]

Mr. Sharma was a just a fresh college graduate and like many other College Graduates of that time he was buying time form his parents on the name of Preparing for IAS/RAS & Bank PO exams. [He told all this to our class ]. He is the most engaging teacher I know till date. You can guess his charisma by the fact that He used to teach History, considered to be the most boring subject. Whole class used to engage in a dialogs [Yes, in eighth Standard].

I still remember an incident when he was explaining some part of Second World War and clout of Britain , when I stood up without permission and asked "If Britain was so influential why doesn't it became Superpower like US and USSR [ back than it was still USSR] . "At the risk of sounding pompous arrogant snob I would like to say that "not many student of History and political science can ask that Q even after Five year course which I asked in Eighth Standard"

So very often People tell me that I am good at argument and can make a compelling case. I was a salesman till last year and this debate skill was very useful. My Parents and My Girlfriend are frustrated with my habit of not giving up and making argument and logic on the spot [I admit not all of them are rational, some of them are ad-hoc crap to win the argument. Sorry and "I Love you" :)]

I didn't inherit this. I owe this debate /oration skill to History class of Mr. .Gyanedra Mohan Sharma.

So why I am thinking about GM sir today? Actually I just received an email from a friend of mine .He has been blessed with a baby girl. My friend is father of a kid now. He came back from US last month after a three month long stay and he has already started planning his next trip, which will be almost a Year long trip. He will probably migrate to USA for Good. I guess this is his way of preparing for the role of Father.

I wonder whether GM Sir actually knew what he was talking about. How many of us actually prepare for our role as a parent?

Hands that rocks the cradle:

This brings me to a point about which I think a lot. I always believe that no one is intrinsically smart or genius all of us are product of our environment. We can consciously change our surrounding but only "we", not a 6 year old. So who decide what a 6, 7 or 13 year old got to see and what he believes? To a large extent what you are today depend on

A) Your parents: in most of the cases Least prepared for their job.

) Your Teacher: Least enthusiastic about their job.

Few years back there was a TV Serial on DD named "Neem Ka Paed" [The Neem Tree]? It was story of a lower caste bounded labor from UP-Bihar named Budhiya . His real name was Budhiram but all his life people called him "Bhuddhaiya" when Bhudiram's wife gives birth to a boy. He names hen Sukhiram and make it a point to tell every body that please don't call him "Sukhaiya". To the extent that he even slaps his wife when she accidentally call his son "Sukhaiya". This Kid grows up to become Member of Parliament.

How many among us have such a clear picture of what is good for their kids? Why we simply deal with things as they came up?

Our Social, Professional and Educational ecosystem is not of much help either. I think that the root cause of this is our perception.We see parenthood as a medical event.

Society [family, friend, neighbors] provide all the guidance in health, taking care of kid etc but no one venture any "Constructive" suggestion on bringing up your kids. We need an elaborate dialogs and debate with in our families and social circle on how to do this.

Educational institute thinks that organizing PTA and sending Grade sheet to parents solve the entire problem. Wouldn't it be nice if schools can have a weekend workshop where parents of Teenage kids can come and discuss the problems, issues and strategies with other parents or with some expert? I think this kind of a forum is totally non existent but it is badly needed

Teacher:

I always avoid talking about the role of teacher. My tone is "Don't get me started on this". Our culture put very high esteem to teachers. Problem is that mot of the teachers don't deserve this. They get it by default.

Ask any student today what they want to be when they grow up? You will get many answers. Doctor, Engineer, IAS, CA, MBA but no one wants to be a teacher. But the fact is that few of them will end up being a teacher. Yes they will "End Up" being a teacher, they won't opt for it. They will pursue a carrier in Teaching out of lack of other options. None of the pretty girls want to marry a teacher. [Surprisingly most of them admit having a crush on one of their teacher in school]

Some of my friends are Lecturers in various engineering colleges in Rajasthan. I know their approach. They are frustrated and hate their job. They consider it monotonous, thankless and without growth .they wants to jump to IT companies.

I am afraid that most of the folks who get in to teaching are like that. I don't think that anyone can do a good job of teaching unless he loves it and in this case a consequence of a bad job is a disillusioned student.

I feel strongly about it because I consider myself as a victim of this education system. I am still struggling to survive ill effect of formal education, some teacher at my college were so boring and deprived of life that their sadism spilled over to there subjects also . Everyone used to find there subjects too hard.

There was a guy who used to teach us "Advance Computer Arch" attending his class was a Chinese torture there was not a hint of life or enthusiasm. His very sight was depressing. Whole class used to think of that subject as a tough nut. Two years after that, i taught the same subject to Deepti, a student of mine doing MCA from Rajasthan Univ. I did as home tuition to meet my expenses while struggling for job. I was terrified in the beginning but I discovered that it was a very very interesting and engaging subject. Many of my friends won't believe that I studied arch book cover to cover after college and I can still explain various Memory Addressing mode and mechanism out of sleep. Deepti by the way scored highest marks in that subject in her class.

Since than I am afraid of trying my hand at another subject. I am afraid that I might love them too. Thanks to my boring teacher my fascination toward computer as a technology got somewhat diminished. I got more interested in the applicative aspect of computer.

Sometime I feel like shouting at them for turning a fascinating thing like Comp Sc. in to a boring drill. Teaching and Medicines are not just jobs, you deal with real human life .please don't get in to it just for making a living.

I have no suggestion on how to fix this. May be increasing salary and making teachers more accountable for the student's performance will help. What do you say?

One Last Line:

Next time you find your self cribbing about How to change the world? Or you feel that you can't make world a better place. Just look at KID. Each kid is our chance to change the world.

One small request:

I know it's easy to dispense Gyan .blogger is a free service. But I feel strongly about it. I intend to use this blog as a chronicle of my life. I am writing this post so that I can remind my self of my thought when I will be a father or teacher. It's more of a note to me. but I need a favor form you too , if some time in coming 4-5 years ,you see a post announcing my becoming a father do remind me of this . Just in case my memory fails me. :)

As always I would love to hear your views and comment. Thanks for reading a long post.

Picture courtesy Ms.Sara Heinrichs .

My Journey Through QLC @ Crescendo

When I posted here last time it was Feb 15th 2007. It’s been more than 60 days since then & I haven't updated my blog. I got a lot of emails from a lot of folks. Some known and some unknown, asking if I was well and why I was not posting frequently? I was touched by the fact that there are people out there whom I never met and who care about me. I gave a lame excuse of being busy but you guys deserve to know the truth. My sincere apologies for what I told you.

So why was I absent? What was keeping me busy? As I admitted above, my work load was not the real reason. Actually, I was upset, I was frustrated, I was cribbing, I was angry with the whole world, I was not able to focus on anything, I fought with my girlfriend a lot without much fault of hers [I am sorry, Sweetheart ].

You must be wondering why?? I was not happy with the pace at which things were moving. Life was getting lethargic, routine and I am getting old. Regular readers of my blog may know about this as I have talked about it here and Here. This time, this feeling was a bit more intense and long lasting.

I turned 29 this march i didn't celebrated my Birthday . Only six people wished me on B'day and three of them were too busy to attend the party. Eventually i had to cancel the celebration . Me and my room mate Jitu went to a restaurant in neighborhood and had some Thai food .

We were planning to launch our website [my dream project] and for a while. We worked hard for it but things came to a standstill as we are still struggling with some design level issues.


Every time I talk to my parents they make it a point to tell me that I am getting older and it would be hard for me to find a girl and get married in next 1-2 years. [Darn!! As if it was easy to find a girl in last 28 years].


What is it that is happening to me?? I think I am suffering from Quarter Life Crisis and now it has reached its peak. That’s why I call this post QLC @ Crescendo.

What Is QLC ???

QLC is a very keenly studied and deeply researched topic in Psychology. You can read a detailed article on Wikipedia here . In layman's language you can define QLC as

" It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now."

I am feeling exactly like this these days . i want to do a lot of things but sometime i Question myself "is that what i want to do Actually ??, is there any point In long term ? " .

My friend and roommate who was suffering form the same feeling reached the limit of his patience and resigned from his job at world's number one software company. He is study Cinematography now . sometime he is scared , sometime he is thrilled some time he is in deep thoughts but he is alert and not passive . At least life is not passing by for him . He is living it .

But Why I am like that ? or Why i become like that ? i know one thing for sure "I am not the only one . i may be the only one who is outspoken but i am not the only one . "

My Tryst with QLC [story so far..... ]

Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.
- Lou Holtz

I tried very hard to fight this. I tried every trick I knew or could think of. I tried many things to get a kick. I am writing some of them here.

• I called my friends and asked them to have dinner/lunch with me. I think I was sort of looking for solace in crowds .Few guys did come but it was a temporary solution.

• I went for a trekking and rafting holiday at Rishikesh. I was under the impression that all the adrenaline from rafting will break the inertia. It worked for a day or two but a few days down the line it was same old story again.

• I went to "The Big Chill" an exotic restaurant at Khan Market, Delhi. A friend had told me that food there is great. I thought of "Food Therapy" and ate few good dishes [like Smoked Chicken Caesar salad with Tuna dressing, Chicken in Red Wine and Rice and Grilled Chicken Breast smeared with Exotic Oriental Gravy]. The food was out of this world but not of any therapeutic value.

• On the recommendation of a friend I tried acupuncture to invoke the source of hidden energy inside me by pinching my self with a pin at three points. It was of no help. Either I didn't pinch hard enough or there was no hidden energy to begin with. But most probably my friend was a lunatic.

• I posted thrice on www.tired.com just so that some holy soul can answer but no response yet.

• I went out and met a few of the so called established, successful and enlightened people in and around Delhi. Hoping that this will give me some perspective on success. i met a leading investment banker from Goldman, an Ex-Mckinsey, a one-time entrepreneur turned VC and all three of them seemed phony to me. They were not inspiring. Of course, they were confident, intelligent and successful but I saw a vacuum.

Some other suggestion which i got from my Well wishers and i [thankfully] never tried

• Try horse riding. It will give you a sense of controlling a living thing. You will feel good and powerful. [ Thank God, they didn't suggest bull fight.]
• Go for a walk in the Himalayas….alone.
• Watch Kill Bill Part 1 & 2 in the same day.
• Become a Buddhist monk.
• Format your hard disk without taking backup. So that you will learn that you can stay alive without anything. Nothing is indispensable. :{E
• Get a tattoo on my arm saying "This too Shall Pass".
• Consult a Vaastu pundit for purifying my room and wear some Astro Stone.
• Spend some time with school going children answering their questions.
• Nurture a plant and talk to it as it grows.

[You see, the world is full of self-confessed psycho-analysts and I am blessed with the company of some of the selected specimen among them.]

A Movie , A Bridge , A White Board and A Fresh Start .

Living here day by day, you think it's the center of the world. You believe nothing will ever change. Then you leave: a year, two years. When you come back, everything changed. The thread's broken. What you came to find isn't there. What was yours is gone. You have to go away for a long time... many years... before you can come back and find your people. The land where you were born. But now, no. It's not possible. Right now you're blinder than I am.

Do as the solider did Totto.....Run away

Alfredo In Cinema Paradiso

Thou shall Follow Me , Let the dead, bury the dead
:~ Jesus Christ

As I was going through all this, Mother Nature was taking its own course and it was dropping a hint, ever so subtly. Trust me, when you want something badly the solution is just around the corner. You just need to want it badly enough. So, one day my roommate, a movie buff, downloaded an Italian movie from Bit Torrent. Its called Cinema Paradiso. This movie was exactly what we needed to see all this time.

Essentially, the message of this movie was that if you want to stand out from your surroundings you need to step out of it first. You can't keep proving yourself by "their" standards and benchmarks and then expect to end up being different from them.

Don't cling to mediocrity. Take risks. Challenge yourself. And most importantly- burn the bridge so there is no way you can go back. When there is no way to go back only then you will fight with your 100%.

So I decided to burn some bridges which were holding me to mediocrity & cemented those bridges which inspire me to move ahead and move up.

I didn't answer phone calls from some of my "friends" who were more of a social liability. I was being used by them time and again but somehow I was not able to prove it. This time I didn't care a damn to prove anything to him. I just decide that I had had enough of him in the name of decency.

I was building some bridge to future. I decide to work hard on our start-up idea. We [me and Jitu ] bought a white board so that we can discuss and brainstorm our start up plans in more details. This white board has in fact become a harbinger of a lot of positive energy and enthusiasm for both of us. We decided to fix some hours for brainstorming daily.

I decided to talk more to my GF and be more caring :) . Apart from my family and a few very close friends, she is the only one from my past I am carrying forward to the future.
There are a few more resolutions like regularity with exercises, regularity in calling mom and a few more.

I realized that I have waited enough for life to start. I will NOW do what I always wanted to do. And friends, I have been into it for a week and the experience so far is very good. I was feeling especially good today. So I decided to share this with you guys.

It's a fresh start. I think it will be a good journey. I will keep you guys posted.

Welcome to the Joyride !!!
:)