serendipity

Few year back I read a novel named "The Lost World " By Michale Crichton . the protagonist in that book was Dr.Ian Malcom . He was a scientist at Santa Fe Institute where he teaches Chaos theory. At one point in the story while he was giving a talk about Survival at K-T Boundary he asks

" What Makes you think that Intelligence & Awareness are defining trait of Human Race ?.No Its Not . Our Defining Trait is not awareness but its Conformity .Look at what we as a species are doing to Ecology and biosphere ,The very Foundation of our existence , we are damaging the Biggest enabler of life on this planet ."...

after a pause He says one of the most impressive lines I ever read. he says

"...Life Happens to us in spite of our intelligence not because of it "

Many year later today I realize that this is true not only in Biology but rather in every aspect of our Life .

"...Life Happens to us in spite of our intelligence not because of it "

I don't write this blog with any delusion whatsoever of offering any solution to Grand Question of Evolutionary theory . i have a very limited knowledge but still there are few things about the world and how we lead our life here that never fail to amaze me.one such thing is the seemingly random events which makes us happy , inspired and make us feel an inexplicable urge to do something extraordinary. what are these events ? why are they so random ?

We plan our life by the year but we are forced to spend our life by the day.we plan what we need to do Today so that we can ensure that our life is comfortable 1,5,10 or 20 Years down the line . From study,job,savings,insurance,stock,mutual fund to Buying AC in Winter and woolen cloths in summer ,you name it .

Outside of drinking beer I don't think anyone around me do anything to make him happy "Today". what was the thing that made me happy last time ??

a phone call from friend , Warm Smile from a colleague , a cheer full kid sitting next to me in DTC BUS, Stumbling upon a OLD song on Youtube.an encouraging remark from my boss, 2 hours of 150% of productivity in office because I reached there at 7:00 AM , a chirpy Girl from adjacent office who asked me "Hmm..long hairs ?? So will You be having a Pony tail now ??" and of course receiving comment/link back on a post I wrote 2 year back. all these tiny little things which I have no way to control .

Irony of life is that on death bed we won't remember what happened in Years , We remember moments . Moments of Love,Happiness,Ecstasy, Accomplishment, sadness and Joy. I am 30 years of age. If tonight is my last night what will I remember on deathbed ? what are those moments in my life till now ? funny thing is that none of these moments were result of any meticulous planing . They just happened .Till recently it was very hard for me to explain this ... I wasn't able to find right word for it .

But not anymore.Few days back I had a discussion with my friend Pankaj Parihar and he used a word which was exactly fit for what I wanted to convey.the word was "Serindipity" . Yes serindipity that was it .

"God has a plan for me ..and thats all I want to know "~ Anonymus

Each one of us want to know what's god's plan for us .at times when we are just drifting through the life we doubt;Do god really have a plan for me ?? Why can't I see his plan in action ? Where is the sign ? Where is the angle ? I think that all those serendipitous incidents are sign of god's plan. Take today for example . why i am writing this post today ?? I was thinking about this for a long long time but why now ? Why Today ?

Well because today I read a very inspiring discussion on Slashdot about value of taking risk and following your dreams and how to balance this with Family responsibilities . I received an email from a longtime reader of this blog asking me why I am not regular with posts.

Was there anyway I could have planed for these inspirations ? No . They just happened. I pick up the inspiration and run with it . result ?? I wrote all this in 20 Minute without a single break :) .Thats the power of serendipity . once you pick up the hints dropped by these seemingly random events there is no limit what can be achieved , its ..its like magic . I never typed that much in 20 Minutes . :) .

Unfortunately our whole society teaches us to ignore these hints , they ask us not follow that tiny little voice inside our heart . they give us logic ,rationality , plans , predictability and boredom . life tells us to take chance , society tells us to take precaution.

"Unless something terrible befalls you (unlikely) people rarely regret the choices they made and the chances they took. The regrets you have are the chances you never took. The opportunities you had but never caught. Go to your next reunion and talk to the people who are there. It is usually astonishingly depressing. A huge part of them still remember school as the best time of their life and they always will. The best time of my life is in the future, and it always will be. Take chances, try new things, and that will always be the case. Don't listen to those who tell you to "be responsible" and "content with what you have". There is only one reason they are giving you this advice. They hate to see you on a new adventure. It reminds them of all the opportunities they passed up in their miserable lives. When you get successful some time in the future, and if you try hard enough you might be, they will tell you about all that they "could have done, only it was... [wife, kids, job, weather, house payments, sick mother - take your pick] that prevented them from becoming successful. Oh, and BTW, if you succeed, these people will resent you for it."

~ Terjeber commenting on a Slashdot discussion

So folks what are you waiting for Go Out , Go Ahead take your chance.listen to the hymm of life its telling you something .don't pay attention to what people around you tell you , remember

"Risk is not that you will fail , Risking is that you won't even fail"
you think about it ..मैं चला बीयर पीने ...


Photo credit : Mr. Yogesh Moorjani

While You Are Waiting

“My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said 'Just wait.'”~ Judy Tenuta

Idea of this post is based on a simple premise that In Life we may not get what we want in the first time or may be not in the second or third time around. Job, Friends, ideology, Business Partners, deciding on a holiday destination, choosing a restaurant, ordering a dish, playing stock market , going out on DATE, deciding what to study , choosing a Book at Airport , you name it. It's true for all aspects of life .chances are that you will screw up for the first few time .

First case is rarely the Best Case .No one get it right in the first time .We have to kiss a lot of frogs, before we find our prince. So what we do while its not the right time yet, while we are stuck in less than perfect situation. Sometime its as easy as to move out of it. If you don't like a Movie you can move out of Multiplex, if you don't like a Dish, you are not forced to eat it. But in some cases it becomes a little more complicated. If its your JOB, House, Friends, college, Neighborhood, Business Associate, It's somewhat difficult to move out just like that. So what we do in that condition .We wait.

My Question is

"What do you do while you are waiting ?"

"कह के गये हैं ख्वाब में आयेंगे रात को, खुशी के मारे नीद ना आये तो क्या करु "

[She has promised me that She will come in my dreams, I am so happy that no sleep is possible to me tonight ]



“All good things arrive unto them that wait - and don't die in the meantime” ~ Mark Twain

I don't know if it happens to you, but many a time I have seen people giving up while waiting. Often we think that the fact that Fire in us died means it was not strong enough in the first place or our fuel is spent. We try to convince our self that perhaps this was not what we actually wanted; we thought we wanted it but in reality it was just a passing dream. Maybe it was meant to die like this.

I disagree. I think intensity of Fire is not the issue here. Every fire start with a spark, a tiny spark . This spark turns in to flame and flame turns to Fire. This fire can destroy the forest. Problem is that if it's raining dirt around you than it's somewhat difficult for ANY fire to survive. You need to FAN the spark till it turns in to FLAME; Fan the Flame till it becomes Fire.

So here is my Answer to the Question "What do you do while you are waiting? " .Answer is " While you are waiting You should FAN the Spark and Protect it".You may ask How Do I Do That ?

Well I don't know , Answer is different for every one . What I can do is to tell you a personal experience so that you can draw your own parable from it .

Manali Trip .

Last month I went to Manali for a trekking and camping holiday. I started preparing for the trip two week in advance. . it was Saturday evening and I was standing at ISBT . My room mate Jitu had dropped me there. All my life I never went on a trip alone. The moment I long cherished was right in front of me . But you know what? I developed cold feet. I felt like the HERO who waited for his Heroine all his life and when finally She was right in front of him somehow he was not able to run and give her a Big hug.

Why? Well I didn't had Ticket for Volvo Coach to Manali & Person on the window told me that all seats are already booked . I bribed the guy to adjust me. I got a good seat and I learned my first lesson

Lesson #1: Buy your Ticket to Game while you are waiting

Now, Ticket can be different for different scenarios, if you want to do a startup learn the skill, or work on your strength and hone them . If you want to work for a particular Company find out the technology they use and master them, if you want to check out a specific restaurant find out if they are open on the day of visit, if you are dreaming about dating a particular female in your neighborhood, try to find out if she is seeing someone else , if you want to do a certain type of project at work [say redesigning company's website ] tell your Boss about it, so that if some work of that sort come his way he doesn't outsource it to some vendor or worse hire someone else to do it .

This seems to be so obvious, but time and again I see folks [me included ] who doesn't "Buy the Ticket" . why?? I am not sure why. May be the reason is our [flawed] tendency to start waiting for Bus /Opportunity right after buying the ticket. This tendency of getting frustrated and expecting spot result stops us from buying ticket.

By the way in my case bus was late by 3 hours :)

No one in my family has been to Manila. I was a bit afraid. I didn't knew much about the place when I started planning for it .I googled for the Manali Travel Plans and come across a post by Ritesh Nadhani. That was exactly what I wanted.

My friend EKTA asked me to join Lonely Planet Discussion group. I followed her advice and it was far more beneficial than I could have imagined. Member of Lonely planet gave me tips about Food , Room Rent, Timing of Trip ,Links to Pics and right time for photography , Precautions, Price range of stuff at Kasol Market ,Protocol for interacting with Israeli Tourist etc.

I learned my Lesson #2 Talk To people.

Talk to people who have been there done that. You will be surprised to see how much these guys are willing to share and help. This is something I have discovered on more than one occasion. Go see Yahoo Answer, Email list, Discussion forums, Open source Software, Counseling sites, Look at the behavior of people and notice there co ordination in the hour of crisis. It indicates that most of the folks are Nice and want to help.

But I have noticed that most of the times my friends shy away from seeking help. They fear rejection, they fear being judged and hell of other self made, self validated assumption about the way the world works.

It's the biggest frustrating bullshit I have seen. People ask me why this guy would help you. What in it for him? Till recently I had no answer to this point, but one day during my trip to Manali I was thinking about this. About why those unknown guys at Lonely Planet were so eager to help me? What was there for them? No I am not going to tell you that they are altruistic sage. They are Vanity users. Helping someone also help themselves. It boosts their vanity and makes them happy that their learning, experience and wisdom is being used and someone is being benefited from it. Whether it's good or bad is a different debate.

My point here is that even if you stumble upon some rude responses one or two times , still if you look at over all "Potential" gain you will find that its a risk worth taking . Lack of initiative is bad. “A shy failure is not nobler than a failed attempt”.

Finally I reached Manali and I was in my 3rd day of trip. I bought a Tourist map on the day one and I was visiting all the spots mentioned in it. It was good but something was missing. than one day when I was on my way to pula via manikaran. I decided to take a road less traveled [literally].

I went down in woods in a deep pit, down from a Hill top, I crossed 10 KM by walk, reached a road side tea stall near a village which was not in map. A small settlement with 20 houses. my destination PULGA was approx 6 Km away , it was 4:00 PM in eve , I was late by 3 hours , I had already walked 5 Km extra ,there was no bus after 5:30 . Nearest bus stop was 4 KM in opposite direction to pulga. It was very tempting to walk back to Bus stop and go back to kasol. But I decided otherwise, I begin to walk toward Pulga. I said to my self that at the worst what will happen? I will have to ask for shelter in village somewhere, or sleep on rock near road. Big Deal! I have sleeping bag and a bottle of water , there is an apple tree everywhere . And if I keep walking I will reach somewhere. I will not die for sure. So I kept walking. 7:30 PM I was dead tired and I was sipping hot tea at Pulga . 8:00PM I got a room.

It was hell of fun. I was feeling victorious as if I have conquered Mount Everest. but truth is I had just covered a road stretch of 6 KM , where I was having population around me and I was connected to whole world by my Cell phone [ I use Airtel ] .

You may ask what's the big fuss is about? Well, let me tell you what the big deal about it? Even though I didn't conquered Everest, I conquered something else. I conquered [albeit temporarily] my fear of uncertainty. Today I am more confident to take risk and I know I will not die of risk .I can take plunge, get in to trouble and come out of it. I don't think it would have been possible if I would have followed tourist guide. I learned my Lesson #3

Lesson #3 : Buy a Map but throw it away after a while,

All our answer lies inside us .Our most important journeys are always inward and no one can chart a course for it. We have to discover and create our path .if you want to find your own unique solution and answers to your questions then it's a must that you stop confirming and take risk, mild risk.

Trust me even if this approach fails to give you all the answers. It will give you a faith to believe that there is an answer and someday you will find it. if you find it a little cryptic than I suggest you should go on a wild Adventure trip or do an easier thing, go from Noida to Gurgaon and come back after staying there for whole day with only Rs.50 in your pocket . You will probably understand what I am talking about .

After a week of living in jungle like a hippy and walking 10-20KM-per-Day in mountain I came back to Noida. Next day it was usual routine. Cab came to pick me up at 9:30 AM .I was ready and eager to tell my colleagues about my trip and show them photos.

One of my colleague asked "How was the trip sir ? " I said "Too Cool, I was at ...."

He interrupted me and asked "How much does it cost you ?" . I was shocked. Because I didn't counted that and I was surprised why he is more interested in Expense and less in my experience of trip.

Truth is that this guy makes approx 2 times more than me .His wife is also in a decent job . Still he is more interested in financials of trip. Whatever is the number I am sure it was not outside of his reach . At that moment i realized that he is looking for reasons to believe that its not a good idea. So that he can justify or glorify his boring life and his inertia and his inability ot take risk and explore .

If I would have talked to him a little more he would have blamed it on House Loan EMI, Wife, Tax Planning, Global Warming, Food price, etc. But I didn't i stopped the discussion and I didn't shared the pics with most of my colleague. I learned my fourth and last lesson

Lesson #4 : When you are surrounded by Bozos ,don't explain your vision to them , just hibernate and protect your ignorance .

I may sound idiot saying this but trust me my friend that your ignorance of all the worldly wisdom is your biggest strength. People will give you all the solution to problem with which they are still struggling themselves. You don't have take them as final word. Follow your heart. Remember those who danced were considered to be fool by those who were not able to hear the music.

Thanks for reading a long post . I hope you will benefit from my experience and will be able to protect and fan your flame. Good luck and Godspeed .

Image Courtesy : JCuerva

You can see Photos from my Manali-kasol Trip here.

And Time Can Do So Much

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

My Ex roommate and College Buddy Rohan Arora got married last Saturday . it was a memorable ceremony , got a chance to meet a lot of friends from College . kinda nostalgic to catch up with the Gang . All dressed up like a Fashion parade [i wore a Sherwani , it's a weird outfit ,special the chudidaar part of it ] and felt like going to a Farzi marriage .

Once in the car park and with snacks and Beer we remembered Sutta meetings for Strike planing at College Gate ,drinking beer in "contri" [rohan was paying this time ] . (still ) Talking about those Girls and how they are married to some guy who is no better than us [ arrange marriage you know ,No Background Check , We were sure he was worse than us , You agree with me . don't you ?] , we were sure she must be realising her mistake now [are you ?]

Damn. No one has info about HER . I hope she is still single [I am , just in case , you are reading this :) ]

Strange what few years can do to a person . Some of the Folks were bald ,some were silent ,some still got funtush after a single Beer , Everyone Agreed that In Delhi Girls always do a overkill of Makeup & look horrible [as if we are Beauty expert, so what if we don't look like one .after a beer sometime we are Rocket Scientist ]

Most of the guys were heavy by a few pounds since i last saw them . some were with their better Half and were under a chronic fear that We [read ,Bachelors] will tell the truth to their wife . some played safe and came alone. To my great surprise a Brat among us was concerned about Diapers of his baby and an Eternal late comer were worried about reaching home in time .

One thing i learned is that if you are newly married don't even think of buying CAR . people will always see it as "That Gift " even if you are the one who is paying the EMI ,and god help you if it carries a licence plate of your home town . It was a refreshing to see that our the Fighter guy Vivek was still the same . no suit no change and same enthu still the old self .i love him for that .

Time take its toll both in body and spirit . Inside the suit some guys were New Men they were different but i expected that . I still miss the old Tribal warmth but still i feel good that all my folks are well settled and Happy .

Hope to see guys you at next ceremony from our gang [There are still some trees to be chopped down]

I wish Good Luck & Happiness to Rohan and Ashima , Godspeed .

From (Astronaut, Scientist ,Entrepreneur, Lover )

To

( Driver,Manager,Husband )

Lost In Transition

When I was a Kid ,my dad used to live in Middle East due to job . every time before coming back to India, daddy used to ask us (by postal mail ) about what he should bring for us . almost invariably I used to ask for Rocket or Airplane . Every body in my neighborhood knew I wanted to become an astronaut. I really believed that someday I will step on moon. I will be first Indian to step on moon . ( I still have the chance to do that J )

Somewhere while growing up I lost my dream of becoming a astronaut . I don't really know the reason . I never cared to explore them . By the time I was in my teens I wanted to be a Scientist but after enrolling as a student of Science with Non Medical I focused on becoming a Engg. And then fornext two years of my life I eat, slept, breathed and smelled P.E.T / JEE .

During my college days I wanted to start a company and my folks were sick of hearing my plans, but currently I am trying hard to become a manager in my current assignment .

During college I was attracted toward a girl & wanted to be her lover ( FYI : she rejected me and I am thankful to her , because she could have done something more cruel , which someone else did to me recently ,& I am thank full to her also . but more on that later. ) and now my parents want me to be a husband of someone of their choice and I don't know how long I can withstand the pressure .

This is my story and I believe this can be the story of any other boy in our times . each of us sometime in there life want to be an Astronaut, Scientist ,Entrepreneur and Lover but more often than not we are reduced to Driver, Manager & Husband . Why ? from being a boy to being a Man what do we loose in transition ? is it inevitable ? do we have a choice ? Is this the cost of Growing up ? Lets see .

I think that one fundamental difference between the ambitions of our childhood and goals of
adulthood is of conformity . As we grow up we tend to become more and more conformist . I tell you this is a very cozy feeling when you know that you are one with the people around you . you are acceptable , you belong . we tend to believe that its safe to fail conventionally than to succeed unconventionally .

Of course we never admit it to our self and try to glorify our current position and I am not trying to prove that there is no effort or glory involved in the last three roles . all I am trying to find out is why we shed our goals and never realize it until its too late to do anything about it . All of us are working hard , all of us are busy and intelligent . so how on earth we can miss the point . why we scale down our ambition .

Local Maxim

One reason we never realize what we are doing is that often we are trapped in what I call a "Local Maxim". a short term win on the cost of a long term victory .I still remember how my friends used to feel down and out when they were not able to make it in Campus Placement in College . It looked like the end of world . Funny thing is even some girlfriends switched loyalties during this time .( well that was not shock to anybody it was expected in my college )

Another case in point is of my friend who was working in a company where his project was to write software to mine data from unstructured source of information like text file . just when his project was in most interesting phase he got an offer from another company and they were offering a huge jump in salary . he asked me for advice . he was in love with his current assignment but still he was making a lot less then his classmate or friend in US who is working on $/Hr basis in a valley based firm . I advised him to stay but under the pressure of family and wife he switched his job . He knew he will not going to enjoy the work but still he did it .He don't talk about his job now. he opted for a local maxim .

We all do it sometime or other . all of us are busy ,all of us are achieving something or other but our effort ,our victory our energy is not aligned with our long term goal . we keep penny so close to our eye that we can't see the dollar behind it .

One way to avoid the trap of local maxim is to have friends outside of work, industry, demographics and beyond your financial profile . As a sales person I have meet many top notch professionals who make a packet of money every month & budding entrepreneurs on shoestring budget (some time on serial credit cards) . Based of my experience I can tell you both teach you a great deal . its better than having friends who are only programmer in some IT firm. It gives you perspective and vision to look beyond local maxim.

Who wrote the Script of My Role

" You know someone said that world is a stage ,and we all must play our part ,

fate has been playing in love, with you as my sweetheart ,

Act One was when we meet I loved you at your first glance,

You read your line so cleverly and never missed a clue , Than come act two .

You got changed and acted strange and why I never know .

Honey you lied when you said you love me and I have no doubt on that

But I rather go on hearing your lies than go on living without you ,

Now the stage is bare and I am standing here with the emptiness all around

And if you are not coming back to me that they can bring the curtain down "

Elvis Presley In "Are You Lonesome Tonight"

Legend is that king Elvis was in love with a girl who was equally in love with him . but he was a Truck Driver @ that time .And no self respecting uptown family in USA like the idea of their daughter getting married to a truck driver . Girl finally ditched Elvis Presley to marry some one normal . later king wrote this song for the same girl who never cared to say a proper good bye to him before partying ways .Nobody really know who she was . and everybody knows such girls.

Now lets for a moment think like that girl . In Her shoes she might be taking the best most thoughtful and calculated move of her life .When she loved him she was a girl and all she cared was that boy should be good looking, caring and madly in love with her . but now she is a women soon she will get married and as a consequence will have kids. Now think of it will you like to raise your child in a house of truck diver . so the poor girl acted wise, she thought like a wife /mother /homemaker and married someone else . girl in her lost her voice . she grew up .

As we all grow up at some point our friends ,family ,society give us the script of the role we have to play . they define what you are supposed to do as a father , son, wife , husband and everything else . we tends to believe these script as a fundamental premise.

Every person is unique so should be the script of his life . But we forget to ask a basic question what we are supposed to do as a person ? we should have a purpose of life beyond playing these pre scripted roles . but sadly this is rarely the case .Most of us never try to explore our role and write its script . sounds like a Matrix .

Now think for a moment about another girl . Her name is Gauri Khan , wife of SRK . think of her decision of marrying SRK .An average looking guy, a struggling actor with no steady source of income and on top of all these he was from a different religion . she must have faced an hell lot of resistance from her family . every body must have tried to push those scripts about "Good Husband Material" down her head . but she opted otherwise . Why ? what is the difference between approach of Gauri & approach of the girl who ditched Elvis . Honestly only Ms. Gauri can answer that . I will not even attempt to guess .

We have many example of people who opted to write their own script . Sania Mirza , N.Kartekeyan, Sabeer Bhatia , Narayan Murthy ,Dhirubhai Ambani list is end less.

DNA of Enterprenuer (If Any)

An Astronaut moves in general direction there is no path for him to follow and a Driver drive on roads with the help of maps . an entrepreneur tries to create new market where- as Manager only optimize the returns on existing market . Lover symbolize adventure and Husband smell security .

As we grow up we tend to be afraid of taking unknown road , we don't venture in unexplored territory. We trade adventure for security . we trade surprises & excitement for predictability .we tend to believe that our sense of worth is function of our job, possessions, salary etc. we don't see it as something intrinsic to us . at that juncture , we loose our chance . that feeling of intrinsic self worth is the thing we loose in transition .

That is the only thing which makes the difference between living for work and working for a living . lets hope more of us are in First category . lets write our own scripts and lets live a firsthand life .