पुष्प

पीड़ा सी तुम कहराती हो , लज्जा सी तुम सकुचाती हो 

बन कर आंसू तुम फूलों का ,टहनी पे ढलकी जाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

तेरे आँचल के ढलने  से , रात्री के कालिख धुलती है  

पा कर के तेरा सरस स्पर्श ,मेरी पंखुरियां खुलती है 

अंगडाई ले कर उठता है , चिर निद्रा में सोया संसार 

तेरी बूंदों का अमृत रस, करता उसमे जीवन संचार 

रात्रि की  भटकी नौका को , सागर तट से मिलवाती  हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

दिन मुझे आमंत्रित करता है , कलरव्  से कोलाहल से 

छूती मुझको तमहर किरणे , छन कर आती तेरे आँचल से ,

जीवन गाथा का खल नायक , वो दिनकर मुझे जगाता है 

पर उसे छुपा में देता हूँ , ढक कर पलकों के बादल से 

फिर तुम आ कर ओ निशिगंधा , मिटटी की महक बढाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा  करता हूँ , तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

मंदिर से उठती शंख ध्वनी , मस्जिद से उठती एक अजान 

मुझे तोड़ने को बढ़ते , दोनों के अनुयायी महान

गुंजन कर आता भ्रमर पुंज ,लेने मुझ से मेरा पराग 

प्रेमी ले जाते तोड़ मुझे , फिर गाते अपना प्रेम राग 

चाहे जो अंतिम यात्रा हो , तुम धो कर के मुझे सजाती हो 

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

बहती थी बन के जल धरा , तुम इस धरती के आंगन में 

में सुखी कंटक झाड़ी था ,जीवन रूपी  इस  उपवन में 

देखा जब तुमने मुझको , नव जीवन का प्रसार हुआ 

उस प्राण दात्री शक्ति से , इस पागल मन को प्यार हुआ 

पर तेरा मेरा मेल कहाँ ,तेरे चाहत वो बादल था 

वो रहने वाला नभतल का  , मेरा घर तो ये धरातल था 

देखा मैंने बस दूर खड़े , तुम कैसे वाष्पीकृत  थी हुई 

पाली तुमने अपनी  चाहत , बादल से एकीकृत थी  हुई 

पर रखने को तुम दिल मेरा , चुपके से झलक दिखाती हो ,

हर रात प्रतीक्षा करता हूँ ,तुम सुबह ओस बन आती हो 

Pic Credit : PJR 74

On Calculative People

"You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ” 

Truman Capote in Breakfast At Tiffany's 

There are many side effects of being good at penmanship but one of the most taxing of them is the constant stream of request you receive  from friends and family to help them with their docs. I can't count how many speeches ,CVs ,Cover letters,SOP,party invitations, Resignation Letter and farewell speech I have ghost written . In my college days I used to be a busy man writing Valentine cards and love notes during V Day and Friendship Days. I used to enjoy it initially, It got somewhat mechanical later on but i keep on complying with requests as my schedule and energy allowed. However I was under the impression that I have seen all sort of request . So I was pleasantly surprised when I received an unusual request from an ex colleague of mine .She pinged me couple of month back.We weren't in touch for long time .We used to work together long back , when I was fresh out of college. I had a vague recollection of her.A sweet little non descriptive girl of fair skin tone . somewhat shy but ambitious and hardworking. She had borrowed my copy of Pickwick Paper and returned it only when i explicitly asked for it (twice) while leaving job. She had pinged me because she  wanted me to help her with filling up registration form on matrimonial website. This was new to me . So I agreed to help her in exchange of a weekend breakfast at Kaffia . so we meet at appointed hour , after 10-20 minute of catching up and remembering the good time at out first jobs . we got down to business . that's when I realized that I was in for some rude shock.

Deal was that I will provide the appropriate words, some well written broad theme for write up , some quotes and She will fill in the details.She pulled out her notepad and we started with writing brief indicative words to highlight desired personality traits for potential partner. she explained that she is a  shy, reclusive , un reasonable at times , moody ,rude with a me first attitude (only child syndrome at work here) so She wants some one who is socially charming , not very assertive ,who pamper her and don't think too much of her action .to quote her verbatim "you know na ..husband material ..not an intellectual type.just put it in such words that it doesn't come across like a pappu,rest I will handle" . She had done her research right , she said that she want some one who is professionally accomplished  but not aggressive . To my great surprise she said (and i am quoting her verbatim)"Guys from infy and programmer type because they are "manageable" MBA type are not Manageable". (Holy God!!) .

In short she was looking for someone who can put up with her abuse , Human equivalent of a doormat. while I appreciated her honesty and clarity of thought but I was amused to see her line of thinking .I looked at her, wide eyed. 

"What ? Why you are looking at me like that ?"   She said

"Well Nothing .. nothing just a bit surprised to hear your thought I guess " I said 

"You think I am acting mean , scheming and calculative don't you ? " she asked with a total calmness

"Yes ..In a way" I said as politely as possible.

"I guess I am , All my friends say i am difficult person and I don't have many friends.I know myself, I am spoiled by my parents I want same from my partner.its too late for me to change and I think I am not asking for too much I can find someone". She said ..nonstop seemingly talking to justify herself  to herself.

"Ya you can always find a sucker"  I said attacking her on personal front .I shouldn't .

"Sucker ?? You call it sucker ? I think its compatibility . I will be compatible with a person like that " She said.

"Yeah,Like a crack head  is compatible with drugs. That's not compatibility.its a type of hopeless dependence,an addiction,and trust me it will only get worse as year roll on" I said  

"see you can deny right now ..if you feel like its beneath your dignity " She said ,clipping me off in the middle of sentence . 

I didn't deny , maybe because it would have been very awkward , may be because of some social rule of politeness drilled in to my head or may be because something in me told me that She don't believe it .she is  just being "practical" .

" Have you wondered how your spouse will feel about it ? if he got to know why you choose to marry him ? " I enquired 

 

"He will never know .Actually That's why I asked you to help, I can't talk all this to my immediate social circle , we hardly talk na so you are just like stranger " She said with a apologetic smile . I was fucked in day light on breakfast table .

"I feel like a pen whore hired in exchange for a breakfast" I said sarcastically ( It Cost 150 INR in case you are interested).

I wasn't very keen to help her now . I was feeling like a fellow conspirator , helping her to set a trap of word to lure someone . but romantic in me somewhere believe that she was just overwhelmed by the social pressure and anxiety associated with wedding so against my better judgment I tried to explain implication of her action . 

"You are not understanding the long term effect of your choice here " I said, in a big brother tone " from your way of speaking it looks like that you won't be respecting this person very much . you are starting the process with a compromise . is it a good idea ? seriously ? why would you like to spend your life with someone you don't respect and who don't inspire you .from what little I remember of our time together you used to be very inspired by our MD, he was your role model. he was not at all like that"  I guess I was trying to  reproach her . 

"You don't understand how things are . I read your blog you are a romantic . I am not . Life run like that only .no one is perfect ."she said  with firm conviction.

 

"Well if your are OK with imperfect Life than you are living one right now ..why you want to drag someone into it " I was agitated.   

"See if you don't wanna help me ,say so. I don't want a lecture" She was visibly upset and uncomfortable.

"All right. I will " I said and for next 20 minute or so helped her in drafting some content . it was mechanical ,a formality because I was stuck there .She knew it too. We bid adieu after that . I doubt I will see her again any time soon. I am sure that I am not getting invited to her wedding .I didn't finished the breakfast too . 

I decided to take a walk home . during that 5 Km walk from Kafia to my place I was thinking about her .  I realized that Her flaw was that she was naive enough to admit her ulterior motives wasn't verbose enough to sugarcoat it . but fundamentally her line of thinking was not very different from many folks I encountered in life .some of them were very close to my heart . 

Strangely I thought of my fave romantic movie "serendipity ". I remembered that about a year and half  back a friend had asked me that "Why i like the movie so much ? how its different from any other nicely done love story" . I had no convincing answer to him at that time . But today I have . In that movie protagonist Jonathan Trager calls off his wedding even when he know that he won't be getting his soul mate . same was the case with female lead . they both realised that they don't love the person they are going to marry .so they act honest to other person and call things  off . eventually find each other in a serendipitous way . they were not calculative. They were true to them self . That's what I like about the movie .I was happy that my gut reaction in cafe was in line with my inner standard of morality . 

I know Life is not a movie. I know that serendipity is a very uncertain approach to life . but for now I choose it over being calculative.for my Ex colleague , I hope good sense prevail to her and she change her prespective .  I have one last thing to say to girls (and boys) like her and its based on my personal experience " Every human being have a breaking point , everyone develop a spine, a backbone over a course of time and when HE/She will develop that your calculation will fail you. Make your choices carefully"

Randall Munroe

As most of my friends know that I am a HUGE fan of XKCD comics . I can identify with many of the situation dipicted  in it . Its book marked on my Nokia E63 browser so that I can kickstart my day with a dose of Its special Geeky humor. But much as i love the comic I never really goggled for the man behind it .  so today evening with nothing to do and with no date for  Valentine Day  ( Life is a bitch !!!)  I started reading XKCD archives  and casually googled for the guy . So his name is Randall Munroe , an interesting guy indeed . I stumbled upon his talk at Googleplex . It s a funny discussion for XKCD Fans . you should watch it . video is embedded below .

this talk is spontaneous with some really light moment sprinkled throughout . I was surprise to see that even     Donald Knuth , legendary computer scientist and aothor of most authentic book on algorithm is also an XKCD Fan . He was there at talk .Knuth was one aweinspiring figure for me in my college days . Knuth's book gave me a hard time in college. whenever I opened it  I felt like shit . I will read it ( and understand it too ) one day sooon . Its a personal goal I had set for me long back.It was kinda good to see that Knuth had a sense of humor . So enjoy the video . and if you are uninitiated in XKCD than here are few of my fave scripts from it. Best of XKCD  . Enjoy !!

After Peter Thiel , Aaron Swartz , Kara Swisher , Sean Parker ,V.S.Ramachandran, and  William Deresiewicz ,  Randall Munroe is also on my list of  people to meet whenever i visit US.Amen!!  

निशब्द

देखा था उसको बचपन में , पाठशाला के आँगन में

वो भैया के संग आती थी , छुप छुप  के मिटटी खाती थी.

काजल से सनी आँखे मोटि, वो लाल रिबन  और दो चोटी

मेरे मन को बड़ी भाति  थी ,जब बात करो तुतलाती   थी,

सोची ना कभी कोई बात ओछी,  सिर्फ एक बार उसकी नाक पोछी

में  शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए ,वो फिर से मिली , लगती थी कुछ बदली बदली

वो संस्कृत मुझे पढ़ाती थी , खुद को मैडम कहलाती थी .

में जब उससे चांटा खता था , तो  अगले दिन ना नहाता था

मेने संस्कृत में टॉप किया ,किस्मत  ने प्लान फ्लॉप किया

वो  जॉब  छोड़  कर चली गयी , मेरी महनत यूँ छली  गयी

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्त्ब्थ रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा

कुछ वर्ष गए , हम किशोर हुए ..आस पास वालों से बोर  हुए

हम थे योवन   की  चोखट पे , जब देखा उससे चित्र पट पे

वो बेल सद्रश्य बल खाती थी , नायक से चिपटी जाती थी

बारिश में गाना गति थी , ना पूछो क्या क्या कर जाती थी

मेने  नायक को कॉपी किया ,पर बन ना सका  उसका  पिया

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

कालेजे  आया हम युवा हुए , लगता था जैसे खुदा हुए

हमारे दिल में एक सपना था , हमने दुनिया को बदलना था

हम तडित मेघ सुनामी थे , बदनाम बहुत  पर नामी थे

हम थे बड़े क्रांति कारी , वो आयी बनके विपदा भारी

आँखे उसकी  नूरानी थी ,वो पापा की  गुडिया रानी थी .

कॉलेज में जब वो आती थे , शर्माती थी सकुचाती थी ,

किसी से भी नहीं बतियाती थी , और मुझे देख मुड जाती थी .

था उसमे ऐसा आकर्षण , जैसे के दिन की पहली किरण

में  प्रिंसिपल से लड़ जाता  था  , पर उससे देख हकलाता  था  

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

फिर दिन बीते में बड़ा हुआ , आपने पेरो पे खड़ा हुआ

देखी जीवन की  धुप छांव , फिर आयी वो चंचला दबे पाँव.

अब मिली मुझे वो , मत पूछो कहाँ , में उसे पा नहीं सकता जहाँ

अब  मैंने  जब उसको देखा , तो  देखी एक  लक्ष्मण रेखा

है किसी और के वो संग खड़ी , बातें करती है बड़ी बड़ी

जीवन का अर्थ समझाती है , पर देख तिमिर डर जाती है

मेने ना कभी  इज़हार किया , उसने ने ना कभी इंकार किया

में शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध  रहा  , और  प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

अब   दिन ढलता  है कार्यालय में , और रात कटे मदिरालय में

अब इनकम टैक्स में भरता हूँ ,  प्रति वर्ष  तीस प्रतिशत मरता हूँ

एक दिन केश राशी ,झड जायेगी और तोंद बहार आ जायेगी

एक छवि मुझे सतायेगी , रातों में मुझे जगाएगी

क्यों  शंकित ,मोहित , स्तब्ध रहा  , क्यों   प्रेम मेरा  निशब्द रहा .

This  is something I wrote this weekend . a poem partially inspired by real life . It document my  search for perfection . I hope you like it .

Year 2009 In Books

Book Review and Travelogue are two things that I never did on Knowprashant . which is a bit strange as reading and travelling are my passion.so when two of my fave blogger Aaron Swartz and Paul Buchheit  published their reading list for 2009( Link Link ) I was very much delighted to read them . I spotted some good books there which i would have missed other wise . I will be ordering them in months to come.

One thing I liked about those posts  was the sheer rawness of the list . There was just the name of book , link to amazon page with an occasional line or two thrown in stating blogger's opinion but by and large you have to do your own research and make your own judgement .which is a good thing cause Books are very subjective things . its subjective narration of something from author's point of view and its subjective interpretation of the same thing by lens of reader's perception. you and I might like the same book but how it effect you might be very different from how it shape me .

so I decided to compile a list of books i read in year 2009 with a few lines about them . i hope you find some good stuff here . (BTW here I would like to mention that there is a new website in India by name of  Flipkart most of these books are available there and at a good discount .I have ordered 5 books from their and I am very happy with their service .They are AMZ of india .Do check them out )

• 1.In Search of Identity an Autobiography by Anwar El Sadat former president of Egypt . I first got to know about this book while reading Seven Habit of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey refereed to Mr.Sadat as a man who helped himself transform by sheer force of will. Book is good , straight forward and best part is when author talks about his time in prison . diplomatic shrewdness of Sadat is documented in brutal honesty when he talk about his experience of dealing with Soviet Russia and Swedge canal issue . I recommend it .Score 6 /10 .

• 2 Barking by Tom Holt : A work of contemporary fiction where a submissive attorney from London suddenly finds himself amongst his school mates who transform him into Weer wolf , than he discover his wife is a vampire and Ex employer is a zombie. its funny and a bit gripping in the start  but gets boring toward the end . good for in flight reading. Score 4/10.

• 3 Simulacra and Simulation By Jean Baudrillard :Its one of the very few e books i read and trust me this book was scary like hell. its a deeply philosophical book about the nature of reality and how we in modern world are totally separated from an objective reference of real and living is a simulacrum . this book was inspiration behind Matrix movies . It was originally written in French so English translation is a little TOO verbose and hard to understand .Honestly  I don't claim to understand it fully but whatever little i understood was enough to shake me . Recommended if you are in to philosophy Score 8.5/10.

• 4 Journey to the source : Dr. Pradheep Chhalliyil . a Book about Matrix Trilogy and how vedic mythology and Upanishads have influenced it . a great read from Matrix Fan .A fascinating introduction to hidden symbolism in movie  I enjoyed reading it .you might not find it that good . make sure you have watched trilogy 10 times before you open the book . you will find it un putdownable : score 5/10.

• 5 Logic of Life by Tim Harford : A good book about an economist's view on how our hidden rationality dictates our day to day decision making .worth reading once . Score : 6/10.

• 6 Don Quixote by  Miguel de Cervantes :  A funny book about the adventure of a middle aged knight in search of adventure . I read it before heading out on journey to Himalayas this year. I am glad I did that . Score 7/10 . 

• 7 Autobiography of a Yogi : By Swami Paramhans Yogananda : A fascinating account of life story of a hindu yogi.This book dispel the myth that our Hindu religion is all about faith without any scientific basis . With humor, wisdom, and heart, Yogananda relates the extraordinary events of his life. But those events serve as a mere instrument for conveying sublime truths-truths expressed in such clear language that everyone can grasp them. you will not be bored reading this book that in itself is a big achievement for a book dealing with the subject of spirituality , philosophy and religion . Recommended reading : A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it .Score 8/10

• 8 Siddhartha By Hermann Hesse :This was the book of year for me in more than one way . I have read it twice. all i can say is that after reading it I felt that  I should have read it few years back I would have been a different person today . Drop me a line in comment if you want me to buy this book for you I Will be more than happy to do that .seriously .A Big Thanks to Mayukhini for recommending it  Score : 9.5/10 

• 9 Man's Eternal Quest : by Swami Paramhans Yogananda . A collection of essays / talks given by Swami Yogananda about Life ,Truth , search of God ,Philosophy , Non Dualism , Joy etc. Good read if you are into spirituality ans stuff . I read it as i was fascinated by the author after reading his auto biography.

• 10.The Game by Neil Strauss: This is an outstanding book . on the face of it its just a autobiographical account of authors experience with the underground community of pickup artists . but under the surface this book teach every MAN an essential lesson of Self Worth  and confidence . This is a very  controversial book and some women might be (rightly) offended by the content of this book .Author's description of Women's behavior is less then flattering  but as author says in the book that at the end its a story of a guy who rewire his DNA and transform in to something of a girl magnet .This book teaches that external validation NEVER leads to self confidence it only creates dependency .its a Bestseller in all markets and every character in the book has made a booming business of workshops and seminar on the art of pickup .I can bet there will be a movie on this book very soon . Trust me  its INR 600 well spent . Score :9/10

• 11 Hitch hiker's Guide to Galaxy Part 1,2,3,4,5 : by Douglas Adams :: I wanted to read this series for a long time but somehow never got around doing that so when I saw the 5 book set on 60% discount I had no choice but to buy it . Its a funny book . you can't help smiling on authors way of describing events . I am literally in love with a character named Marvin, a paranoid robot. every paragraph of Marvin was a laughing riots . One thing you realize while reading these books is that how arrogant we as a species are about our place in universe .Universe is so mindbogglingly big . we are just another species here . this book looks at our life , tradition, ritual from the view point of interstellar traveller . i liked the section where a tribe adopts modern management methods to evolve . this book was like no other book i read before .Light reading, a lot of fun and new perspective .  Read all 5 of them its worth it . Score 8/10 

• 12 Jonathan Livingstone Seagull : By Richard Bach  It was on my reading list for a long long time .I was pleasantly surprised to receive it as a birthday present . A good allegorical story about the importance of following your heart's dream and doing what you believe in . It inspired me . Score 5/10.

• 13 The Language Instinct : Steven Pinker : A good book if you are in to how we learn , epistemology and stuff , this deal with the debate about Language and how each one of us is born with a capacity /instinct for it . its not something we learn from external world . good stuff . Score 5/10 .

• 14 Alice In Wonderland : Lewis Karol: Need i say something about this beautiful work ? Its timeless , simple and insightful . I am not good enough to rate or review it . 

• 15 dot bomb : David Kuo  a typical story of rise and fall of a start up in dot com bubble of 90s .I still don't know why i spent 100 INR on this book . only lesson i learned is that never buy book if its available on sale with drastic discount . score 2/10

• 16 The Secret : Rhonda Byrne : A VERY good book if you don't take the teachings too literally and make it an excuse for inertia and inaction. Law of attraction works . I have felt it . but Law of attraction is no excuse for inactivity you will still have to do the hard work . no silver bullet here in that sense . score 6/10 

• 17 The Well Beloved : Thomas Hardy : This book was a gift and a very good gift .I never thanked the person so here is a formal "Thank You" . This book marks  my return to reading of classics after a gap of few years .Its a story of an artist who spend his life in search of perfect lover and Finlay dies . I felt bad to read the climax. I sometime worry that the book might be prophecy .because the person who gifted this to me believe in prophecy and fate . Score 7/10 

• 18 The 38 Laws of Persuasion : Robert Green :: Still reading  ,good so far very interesting. 

• 19 The Choice  By Eli Goldratt Disclaimer:  I love author's way of thinking and often try to mimic his  approach in my day to day life ,with certain degree of success i guess  . if you want to buy this book i recommend please read The Goal by same author first .Score 8/10

• 20 Kamayani : Jai Shankar Prasad : One of the best Hindi Epic ever written . its a writing about creation and elements of creation and human emotions. Jaishankar Prasad's description of women is nearest to what i am seeking in a partner  ( asking for too much Huh ??) Score :8/10. 

• 21 Sri Ramakrishna: A Prophet for the New Age by Richard SchiffMan ( currently  reading) borrowed this from a freind I have no intention of returing it . Tood good a book . 

• 22 Thus Spoke Zarthushtra : Friedrich Nietzsche : To deep and philosophical .I was not in a good frame of mind when I read it so i am not forming any opinion about it . will re read it . keep watching this space.

• 23 Man The unknown : By Alexis Carrel  bought but couldn't finish . still half read .  

• 24 2 States : Chetan Bhagat :A very  Light hearted  read about authors semi autobiographical account of convincing his parents for a cross cultural wedding .I like the simplicity of chetan's writing and his sense of humor . Score 5/10 

• 25 Twilight : All right I admit I bought it shuffled through first 50 pages or so . couldn't understand what the hell was so special about it . apart from the fact that there is a boy who love to drink women's blood (Its usually other way round in real life ) . Luckily I had to go for a Birthday party in neighbourhood so i got this shit gift wrapped and gave it to a school going girl . Needless to say it was her fave gift this year . Weird World !! 

• 26 Madhushala : re read it . Need i say something about it ? 

• 27 Ignore Everybody :BY Hugh Macleod  This book is based on the hugely popular essay "How to be creative " by Hugh MacLoad . I have read this essay for more than 50times online I still  bought this book only for the purpose of gifting it to a friend. but ended up reading it one more time in print :) .You can read the transcript free online . Score 9/10.

• 28 Kill Bill Screenplay : read it online .good if you like the movie. Score 5/10.

•  29 Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau :This was the book  which inspired me to go to Himalaya . My friend Nilesh Trivedi suggested this to me . Good stuff something which make you see the rampant absurdity of  life around us and make you think about your priority in life .Score 7/10.

pic credit sunnyflag 

Transformations

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen

Douglas Adams In Hitch Hikers Guide To Galaxy

Something  big has happened in protagonist’s life. He has been beaten by Mafia ,Loan shark of his village  has auctioned his farm, His girlfriend has ditched him ,his father has been killed by goons, his mother died of cancer, his wife  was gang raped by relatives or His sister has been burned by her inlaws. Details of events are inconsequential what matters is that its  A turning point in his life .His whole world, his perception of reality, his value system ,is undergoing  a tectonic shift . He is visibly shaken but he takes it very bravely. And Why not ? After all he is our HERO and this fact alone guarantee his survival .

An upbeat music start playing in background. Our protagonist start running . a montage of images from his past life start flashing on the screen . A globe start revolving , hands of an old Victorian wall clock start ticking , pages from calendar start moving in a rapid succession . Covering a journey of few years in few celluloid seconds. By the time music reaches to crescendo  Our protagonist is transformed . If he was a kid few min back He truns in to a MAN (a well established policeman, industrialist or gangster depending on the demand of script . )

His past avatar is not dead we are told. Its buried somewhere  deep inside him . He is  living in a self imposed denial .He tries his best to disconnect himself from past but invariably his past catches up with him toward the end of the movie . Again depending on the demand of script A lot of drama or action follows .protagonist   either settle some long overdue score or reconcile with others character and in Very few rare instances manage to get himself killed .But invariably He ALWAYS manage to prove his point .Family and police arrive and we start waiting for end credit .Movie is  over .

When it comes to transformation only Vampire , Unicorn and Werewolf can match our Bollywood Heroes  and thanks to the staple diet of Bollywood movies most of us get in our formative years .our idea of transformation is something like what I described above. But I have come to believe that THIS conception of transformation is precisely the reason why we rarely get to see a FUNDAMENTAL transformation in people around us. In majority of the cases people don’t change . Not in any basic ,tectonic way as shown in movies . Life progress in a linear fashion till the day we die .  Future , in most of cases is Past continuous tense . They want to change but they can’t .

Why ?

Most of us don’t acknowledge the effect movies have on collective psyche. We despise the idea  that we can be manipulated in to thinking something by a movie. Some of us can’t, but most of us can be manipulated and are being manipulated.  So if you are one of those pseudo intellectual who love to fancy himself as someone who is in control of his/her life and  you are beyond the scope of being manipulated (or even influenced) by anything. Then do me a favor. Move on .there is nothing here for you . I won’t even attempt  to explain anything  to you. Rest of you..read on

The modus operandi of transformation shown in movies is not wrong .the problem is that in order to make it work we need to comply with it underlying premises .which is very hard .sometime because these premises are not obvious  and some time because its not humanly possible for us to follow them.

First premise is that protagonist knows that THIS is the turning  point .He can see everything as black and white .There is no confusion about the intent and character of people around him . Good and bad stand apart from each other. Unfortunately Real life don’t work that way. We are never sure of the intentionality of evil .  We always tend to think of evil act of our peers as some sort of circumstantial breach of trust  .After all, these are the very people who were good to us in another place and time . add to this the prevalent popular wisdom of not being judgmental  which is pushing  our whole generation into the realm of  quasi nihilism. Fact is that sometime you need to decide ,some time you Need to be judgmental. Funny thing is that almost each one of us is passing judgment all the time but since its not fashionable we just don’t stand for it .We don’t  want to pay the price for it . ergo  only time  we act on our judgment  is when we do some thing cunning or calculative . Transformation never happens out of  calculation . That’s not the path of protagonist that’s a shortcut to mediocrity .

Second premise which goes unexamined (or underestimated ) is of effect of time . Time can heal anything . its true .time not only heal but it also makes us stale ,we loose our steam. Perhaps that’s the reason  our new year  resolution don’t last . Most of us tend to forget very easily and most of us love the cozy conformity of routine. While our heroes manage to keep the fire burning for a long time but we give up somewhere in between . Nothing brings down the moral of a soldier than fatigue .we often underestimate the need of perseverance in transformation. 

Along with time, success also play a catalytic role in deciding whether we actually transform ourselves or not . Funny part is that most of the time we give up after the first brush of success in our quest .Its hardship which keep us going . As they say Good is often the biggest enemy of best . Sadly our first validation is also the first(potential) nail in coffin of our ambition. I think I felt it for the first time when I was in 12^th standard I was amongst the top 3 of my class. Everyone was sure that I can crack engg entrance easily . I bought in to the story and appeared in exam and cleared it . My plan was to skip  classes  in first year and enroll in IIT JEE coaching but I was somewhat enamored by all the appreciation I was getting from family ,friends and relatives . Complacency creped in and against my better judgment I decided to settle for engineering course .I regret it till this day .

But I might not be a worthy  example. So I request you to test it your self . Go pick up biography of ANY revolutionary/Iconoclast you admire. I can bet that there will be a passage in the story where establishment presented a temptation of inclusion to him and He refused .That’s the reason their stories are being read today. Most of us get tired and give up to the first temptation of Inclusion . That’s the reason no one will read our biography (they might read our blog . I hope J )  . From  Aristotle to OSHO and from Charles Darwin to Richard Dawkins this is the case .Real challenge of a transformation is not hardship of battle. it’s the complacency  of initial success . 

Last thing we don’t notice is that often times we derive our motivation from a desire to prove a point .  its external and what make it worse is that often time it lies in humans .We want to prove something to our peers. But unlike the movies there will not be a reunion  of all the character toward the end of our lives . We realize that no one actually gives a shit . The very people who caused the turmoil have became a distant and passive observer NOW. Busy in their lives. Circle of their lives are concentric to us but they don’t merge in spiral .Since as a hero we have to prove a point we see it clearly that it won’t be happening no matter what. Often time we give up our quest on realizing that.  Of all the reason I mentioned above this is the best reason to give up . Life is too precious to waste it  proving a point to someone who don’t care .

Epilogue :

It’s the time of year when we all make our NEW year resolutions. I haven’t made any resolution this time.  But if you are making any resolution than I hope that this post be of some use to you. I wish you a Very Happy and Prosperous new year . Good Luck and Godspeed!!

Pic Credit : YellowCakeMushroom